I have anxiety/panic disorder, combined with emetophobia, which throughout my life has resulted in a little depression.
I've noticed my eating has dramatically changed since being diagnosed and i don't know why. I am very slim but i always have been, i am NOT concerned about being overweight, i don't watch my weight or feel the need to weigh myself (dont think i ever have) if anything i want to be bigger! But i get super panicked when i try and eat. I've noticed big meals i panic over, place a massive portion in front of me and i begin to panic, this is because for some reason i now take soooo long to eat anything and people have commented on this which makes me feel self concious. So if a big portion is in front of me i instantly think 'oh my gosh i'm going to be the last one eating and everyones going to have to wait hours for me' i then think 'people are going to comment on me eating slowly, not eating enough/being so skinny' thinking back i have had LOADS of negative comments about my weight, maybe this is a contributing factor?
One of my main panic attack symptoms is gagging, i retch and heave and i sometimes feel like this if i have too much to chew so i start panicking and have sometimes actually had to spit my food out in fear.
Roast dinners i just cant eat anymore! Even if i take a small portion, ive literally just tried to eat one and ive had a huge panic/feel sick/ want to cry. Why am i behaving this irrationally to food?!
Finding it so difficult to eat i just freak out.
Portions are now tiny, take forever to eat, get panic attacks eating, get upset about not being able to eat and definitely cant face going out for dinners for a date/with friends!
What is this? Do i have an eating disorder? I'm scared of eating/it coming back up!