Feeling wretched

[Overanxious]

Good morning .I have been following the posts for some weeks now but this is my first submission . I suffer from anxiety that is caused by life's circumstances . I have very elderly parents and am an only child and l lost my daughter 8 years ago and my only son is going through a few issues . I find these totally consume my thoughts all day . I have just woken up and feel wretched and it continues all day. My husband is sympathetic but doesn't know what to do except suggest that I cut out alcohol ,take more supplements and centre my faith .I am a practising Christian but even God seems distant and indifferent .I know that there is nothing I can do to change my circumstances but I can't go on feeling this wretched .This constant worry is like a huge weight on my shoulders that is affecting everything I do , I used to play golf and go to the gym now all I can do is try to walk everyday which is good except my mind is still filled with negative thoughts .

I take 0.5 Ativan at bed time and spray calicim on the base of my neck and fortunately I do sleep for about 6 hours then wake up feeling wretched . Could this be the medication . I have diazepem for emergencies but hardly use it because I don't want to get hooked .

I used feel as if this is how it is going to be forever and I will never feel happy again .

[Agora1]

Hi Overanxious, suffering from anxiety through life's circumstances that we are surrounded with daily is very difficult. However, there is always a way around things. Make a list of the positive and negative things in your life. Oh I know right now, the list of negatives would far outweigh the positives (unless you really looked deep within)

Your husband being sympathetic is definitely a positive and a strong one at that. I am truly sorry for the loss of your daughter. Being an only child with elderly parents and having a son with issues certainly keeps the stress going.

Mixing alcohol with benzos is a dangerous combination and is not the answer as you may know. How can you not be totally consumed by your thoughts when you are in a place that should be your safety haven, your escape but instead, your home is your worry source.

What you need right now is an escape. Some "me" time. No matter how hard it may be, the timing couldn't be better than for you to get back to the gym. (even playing golf eventually) The gym will help take away some of that weight on your shoulders as well as bring up your Endorphin levels. That natural "good feeling" will fill your brain instead of a chemical replacement of a pill or alcohol.

Start with small positive steps but in the right direction. Good Luck in starting to get unstuck.

[Overanxious in reply to Agora1]

Thank you . That does make sense and I know that the alchohol plus meds is doing me no good . Its the mornings that are the worst and wonder if it's because I took the attivan before bed . Trouble is I am so worried about not being able to sleep and feeling anxious all night .

[Agora1 in reply to Overanxious]

Hi Overanxious, first of all it's not a matter of alcohol and meds doing you no good but being downright dangerous. I can't tell you the number of calls we responded to with people mixing the two. They are both suppressants and can cause the inability to breathe.

The mornings are worse because the cortisol levels are highest, starting at 4am. The adrenaline is preparing us for a new day but with anxiety is just exacerbates the already anxious feeling we wake up to.

Taking 0.5mg of Ativan before bed (if that is the only dose you are on) is enough to maybe get you a few hours sleep but not enough to fight through the morning anxiety.

I use to be on Ativan and it did nothing for me regarding anxiety. Just made me sleepy during the day.

As you are worried about not being able to sleep and feeling anxious all night, you are already defeated by that negative thought. I understand because for me it was the mental thought of knowing I'd wake up to the anxiety full blown every morning. I was defeated before even going to bed.

You say you have diazepam for emergencies but afraid of getting hooked. We can get hooked on anything (pills/alcohol) which gives us a respite from our stress. I still say you need some "me" time, an escape for an hour or two a day to get out of the house. If you cannot for any reason, then you need to resort to possibly YouTube. I use it as my afternoon escape. I type in Audio Deep Breathing Relaxation Video. Many will come up, pick and choose the voice that is most calming to you. Give yourself 10min. to unwind, to re-focus on yourself. Refreshing your mind will lower your stress level as well.

Maybe trying this before bed may help with awakening to the morning anxiety. It is not only about the chemicals in your brain but what you have to anticipate throughout the day when you first wake up.

Wishing you some calm and peace. You need to take care of you before you can take care of others. My best, Agora1 x

[Overanxious in reply to Agora1]

Thank you . This makes sense and I did wonder whether the very low mood and physical discomfort was made worse because of the combination of attivan and alcohol in my blood stream . I am going to try to stop the alcohol although it was only a glass of wine usually . This is very helpful and I am going to seriously consider your suggestions .

[Agora1 in reply to Overanxious]

Stay safe. x

[Tillymay]

Bless you I know the feeling very well, I wake all the time worrying about my life, I'm always thinking negative I can't think anything positive, my partner doesn't understand, I'm like you I pray to god to make me better but I'm still the same, I need to go back to the doctors to get medication but just don't get time we live with my dad because he is poorly so I help him a lot then look after my two kids and partner so I don't have time for my self, so I know what your feeling if you need to talk I'm here for you

[Overanxious in reply to Tillymay]

Thank you for replying . It is good to know I am not alone .

[dave1960moreton]

Having read your post I can understand fully what you are going through. Anxiety is very hard to manage and if you have never had it you don't understand it. Once your body has the adrenaline in it no amount of talking late at night makes it go away. Fill say be anxious for nothing but it is not that simple at times. When you have lots of needs around you it is harder. My Dad went to heaven on 8th April 2016 he was 90 and immobile. My mother has vascular dementia etc.

I find I need medication to survive. The GP won't give any diazepam and sleeping pills they say too addictive. They say talk it out in therapy but waiting list 4 months this is not good. They are making folk worse. When you are depressed you can't do anything even get out of bed. Exercise is helpful but you haven't got the energy you need help not criticism. You put on weight and folk criticise you for that eating junk food. It really is hard to find help these days folk are not that helpful or understanding. This site seems good as you can share your pain and heartbreak. I would say medications needed and support to start gentle exercise and live one day at a time. Thank you for sharing. Massage is good.