Hi, i am new to this so please be kind.
it tells me to write how i actually feel, if i did that there would be nothing on this page, to be honest i am really struggling with myself recently well most of my life if i was to be honest, but seem to have hit a new low lately.
The reason i said there would be an empty page is I feel so numb, empty almost, i feel lost, and seperated from everyone i come into contact with almost a haze like feeling, i used to be such a strong person, but i i really think about it i think it was always a front cause i felt so hurt and scared inside.
I have cut myself off from all friends I never feel like i am good enough for them and have never got on with parts of my family but seem to have cut most of them off as i dont get on with my father and my imediate family live with him. He was a drunk in my younger years and i used to get hit alot. I am learning to forgive but it is a very long process.
The thing is my life is so much better, i have a gorgeous little girl who i love with all my heart, i got married to my husband last year and live with his daughter from a previous relationship, we have a nice house and i have a good job which i have recently been promoted in.
So why do i feel so empty, constant thoughts of suiside, feel like everyone is talking about me in a nasty way when ever i see them talking, bowing my head so i dont have to look them in the eye so i dont have to speak, i cry all the time and hate who i am inside and out.
I have decided that my four year old daughter has gone to stay at her dads, so she is not around me when so sad and lost in myself, i feel so full of guilt that i have sent her away i am her mum i should always have her with me i cry most nights for missing her but i keep telling myself it is only temperary, i do have her on weekends which gives me something to look forward too.
I have new tablets which are being swapped from previous ones i have been on for two years, i am one week in the change.
Dont know what am asking really my doctor told me it was good to write my feelings so thought i would try it.
ALL I WANT TO BE IS HAPPY AND NORMAL WHAT EVER THAT MAYBE .