Death is my answer

Although I've never really felt suicidal, I think I'm just feeling hopeless. I want to take my life so bad! It's been weeks of torture. Haven't been eating or sleeping much and literally can't even go outside anymore without feeling like I'm in a dream and super dizzy. I've tried many things but I really don't think I can't take this anymore. The constant feeling like I'm going to have a seizure is my biggest issue and no one seems to care. Everyone is getting so fed up with me and I am too. I used to get through my anxiety attacks by thinking about how I'm not always going to feel this way, but now that these feeling are constant and I never feel good anymore, I literally have nothing helping. Breathing does nothing for me and nothing seems to take my mind off it. I feel like I'm just torturing myself by trying to continue on..I'm terrified to die, but can't live like this anymore tbh😔

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  • I'm honestly in the same exact spot you're in, i've never been so afraid to die and never wanted to die so bad. I have health anxiety, my worry is heart failure or some strange thing like that, something that no one would think would happen to a 21 year old. My advice is to find an anxiety buddy, it's kind of like a thunder buddy... except its more pathetic because you both sit there and constantly talk about anxiety and freak out... but theres a calming feeling seeing someone you know sit there and be experiences identical things to what you are. i hope things look up for you... it's a terrible ailment

  • My best friend has struggled bad with anxiety in the past and she knows a lot about this stuff so it's helpful when I'm with her, but sometimes it's just not enough😔 Especially because I feel like I'm just bothering her with my problems since she has hers under control..

  • You know dear, I'm glad you have a best friend who understands how you are feeling. I also understand that at times we need more than that. We need professional help. I'm sure she would never think that you are bothering her. Best friends look out for each other. Are you alone right now??

  • No my best friend is with me and hid all my pills and stuff so I can't hurt myself. I just don't know what to do, I can't handle this anymore.

  • She is a good friend who loves and protects you. I hope she can talk you into getting help. Please stay safe...

  • Death is never the answer sweetie have u ever thought about what is after death how do u know it won't be worse there, No one should take there life God gives and he takes away. I been feeling like u for years and I finally got help its not all over but I feel better I also get a lot of dizziness it's horrible. Have u tried medication? Have u tried to get help? I don't know if u believe in God but if u don't I invite u to try and pray to him just talk to him as a father a Best friend explain how u feel and ask him to heal u to give u that peace of mind that only he gives. He's the one that has kept me going. Also life is a gift from him he loves us he loves u and wants u to ask him for help. Please write me when u feel bad don't make the mistake and take your life it's not worth it. Take care sweetie and even if I don't know u God does and he is watching over u

  • I do believe in God and pray to him often, but sometimes I just feel like he's testing me and waiting for me to end it. Idk I'm working on getting medicine but I don't think I can take this anymore while trying to fix it. It may take a long time and I don't think I can handle that. I would so much rather not die, but it seems like my only way out at this point. I just want to feel better and nothing seems to have helped yet😞😣😰

  • If u haven't tried medicine than u haven't tried to get better I was scared to drink medicine to but I figured that God put doctors and medicine for us, it does take some time but it can work. U say u just want to feel better but how are u so sure that u won't feel worse after u die if u believe in God u would know that our flesh dies but our spirit stays alive and that God is against suicide sweetie. But yes I do understand what u mean I also feel like God is testing me and it's hard but in reality Satan is the one trying to make us feel this way by wanting us to take our life and let's not give him the victory. Try to get help do everything u can to get better it will all be worth it 😊

  • Dearest Clw1216, Death is not the answer. Deep breathing is not the answer right now either. You are in severe depression and need to get help immediately. Someone needs to evaluate your emotional and physical health. Maybe medication might be needed or maybe in-patient therapy. Please seek help. Can you call your doctor, someone is always on call. Let us know how you are doing please. I care, we care. xxx

  • Thank you. I just don't know how much more I can take of this.

  • I want to help you. I want to support you. x

  • Thank you

  • I haven't done anything until I know you are safe.

  • I'm with my friend right now. She won't let me do anything. Hopefully these feelings will pass overnight. If not she said she will take me to the dr tmw

  • Good plan.... thank your friend for me. If I could, I would have been right by your side. Stay safe dear. xx

  • Thanks so much! It makes me feel a little better knowing there are people here for me❤️

  • Are you taking any medication right now. You really need to go and talk to a professional and get some medication to get out of this feeling. I know it seems like it will not pass but it ALWAYS does. You also need to be a little proactive and that is the hardest part. I am assuming you don't drink any alcohol. If you do, even the smallest amount, it is a downer and will reinforce your feeling of hopelessness. You also need to get out at least twice a day for half and our. You need some vitamin d3 in your system on an everyday basis. People going through depression and anxiety also are depleted from good nutrient like b12 and folate and most likely iron and magnesium. All these vitamins and minerals are important to feel good in your head. I suggest you get some blood work done to see if you are deficient. I know how you feel, I have been there, still feeling very crappy as my anxiety is an old friend and created for me physical symptoms. I am 59 and have suffered most of my life from severe anxiety but dear friend, I have had some great times in my life and I know there are still plenty of good one. I used to be very afraid of being poor when I was young and ended up being able to travel and walk the Great Wall of china, and see the Grand Canyon. I met wonderful people who brought me a lot and trust me, in my 20s, I never thought I could have such a great life ahead of me. My anxiety has not ruled me butting is true that I have had some really dark times like right now. The darkest one are the one when I decided to let go of myself because I felt it was not worth it and each time I came out if it I felt stronger and better. I have great friends who keeps telling me they could not tell what I am going through because I am such a kind and nice person. I don't feel this way but need to hang on to the fact that I am valuable to a lot of people. And so are you and obviously you do want to feel better because you are here and we all know here how you are valuable because we take the time to connect with you because you are worth it and because you need to tell yourself you are worth it. Me too, I thought my husband was fed up with me and I was very reactive to my environment. When we are feleing poorly, we start making stories about how we view our environment. Everything is deformed. When you are feleing this low, it is the wrong time to make decision and We can't really things as they are but it is time to say, what can I do to look after myself in a better way. The first step is to realize, you are a good, strong and valuable person and to tell yourself you are worthy of the best feelings. So dear friend, I know deep down, you have the greatest and most wonderful heart and soul and that people who care about you need you. So look at yourself in the mirror, take a deep breathe and start breathing in and out and realize that beyond the darkest clouds that are now blocking the view of your mind, there is always a blue sky. You are just not seeing it right now. But blue sky is always here all the time. Take care

  • Thank you so much for this❤️I'mgoing to see my psychiatrist on thursday, my only fear is that it's going to take so long to find a medicinethat works and I really don't have that time anymore😣 My fiancé is talking about leaving me because it's all taking a toll on him, but that's just adding to my stress because he and my one friend are literally the only people I have and I don't wanna lose him but I can't seem to make things better. Hopefully I can get this under control soon because it's to the point where I'm just always sick and never want to leave the house. I just want to be back to the old me before all this got so bad. I've gone to the hospital and they did say my potassium and magnesium levels were low so they gave me some supplements. I've never liked drinking so I don't do that, and I've cut caffeine out weeks ago. Now I'm cutting out sugar as well because I think that's causing some of it. I also don't eat much so I'm probablylow on some other vitamins and monerals so I'm going to get some supplements for that and my best friend is very good with that type of stuff. I'm hoping to get all this figured out soon because I'm losing my mind and my life is falling apart.

  • How are you feeling today? I hope some blue sky is in your view. :) as for your fiancé, it is hard for people around us to bear the weight of our issues and at the same time, we do feel guilty about it, which does not help the relationship. I suggest that you be patient with yourself and with him. Have a talk when you feel more settled and explain that you are not asking him to understand how you feel besides, you don't yourself. Explain it is like learning you are a diabetic and that your brain is like your pancreas, not able to be balanced because some hormones are wacky. Explain that you will go to the doctor and try to find treatment, let it be coucelling or medication (avoid benzo, as they are a short term treatment). You need also to see that you are not your anxiety, it does not define you. The hardest part for me was to see that I was a smart, lovable person. Anxiety will make you think the worse about the world but also will cloud your judgment about yourself. But most importantly, you need to see that the number one person is you! As such, you need to give yourself number one care. People with anxiety depletes their body of nutrients. We don't realize how much with contract our muscles, how our mind is always preoccupied with thoughts and how we neglect our body. So, first, get yourself blood work. You might need a sublingual b12 to take with folate and d3 as I suspect you are not getting much sun. Get magnesium calm or malate or glycinate to help your muscle relax and give you a chance to sleep better. Eat plenty of fruit and veggie and healthy portions of lean protein like fish. You need good oils. take your dog out twice a day, even if you don't have one :) lol!

    But mainly, start loving kindness towards yourself. Start loving yourself. Check the Internet for free mindfulness meditation about calming the mind and self compassion. You need it.

    Each time you feel really poor about yourself, remember, all of us here, we obviously care because look! How many of us responded to you. So, I am sure you have great beautiful times ahead of you. Som the road is muddy right now, and for some people, just a simple pair of boots and they can make their way thought a brighter path. For us, it means we need to shovel the mud out and work harder at it, but it is worthwhile. :) I am sending you soothing and caring thoughts.

  • Hi I was in same boat last week I couldn't hack it anymore I went to doctors then he put me on meds am now on 7th day and its starting to ease a bit am going long walks with my dogs but does get easier,hope u get help soon 😊

  • Thank you!😊

  • When I am at the point where I can't control my emotions or thoughts, I check myself into a mental health hospital. It's 5 days or so, but you're in with everyone else that has similar problems and the staff work to make you stable. It's a rough road, but honestly being in there and away from everyone is also like a mini-vacay. Only people you allow can come see you. Just try to keep the faith, see a doc and try your best for your health. ( I know insurance is a nightmare and costs are ridiculous) but you and your health are worth it. -Jay (bipolar 1, anxiety)

  • Are you familiar with a coach called Tony Robbins? I've suffered with anxiety for a while now and find his u tube videos on anxiety and depression esp very helpful. I follow a lot of life coaches and a lot of self help books have done wonders for helping me to step out of my anxiety and view my symptoms and the world differently. I'm not saying it's an overnight answer but it's a mental step in the right directify and there really isn't anyone better that him. Xx

  • Trust me in the fact that suicide is not the answer. My husband did that to me and its ruined my life and had a very bad affect my family. Many of us ended up at the doctors seeking help. So please dont do it, put it out of yr mind and battle on. Take yrself out as much as possible. Get a pet if you can. Enrol on courses. Go to church and talk it out with the people there. But pls dont give up, find that inner strength, and dont break the hearts of the people you love. Xx

  • I have depersonalisation as well. It was really bad a few days ago and I found that the more I focused on it the worse I felt. Fear feeds it, it feeds the fear. So, my advice for you is accept it and live your life regardless. I don't mean this in a nasty way. I just know that depersonalisation isn't going to kill me so I still have things I need to do and I do them. I am surprised how much it actually helped. It's still there but it's bearable. Give it a go, don't give in to it. Life is always worth living.

  • I feel exactly the same way. I have autoimmune thyrid and adrenal probs and i have been fighting for a year to get myself better and nothing is working. My high cortisol gives me severe anxiety most of every day and all i do is push beta blockers and diazepam down to get me through the bad hrs of the day.

    I am on the brink like you, i dont believe i can get better. Am 54, live alone with little support and one male friend who doesnt know how to support me.

    I fear dying but its looking like the only option for me, cant take much more

  • You hv to focus on what you've got thats positive in yr life. I live on my own, lm a widow of 56. I know how difficult it can be, but you hv to keep going. I dont know if you go to work but a small job even voluntary would help. Keep well

  • Timeless

    I am self employed but cant work. Am housebound and alone because of the agoraphobia from the anxiety from this damn thyroid. There is nothing positive in my life anymore and i see no light at the end of the tunnel to keep me going

  • In a way, you are alone and yet your not alone because so many people have that same problem of agoraphobia. Have you contacted any groups or been to counselling. My sister has thyroid problems and it can cause all kinds of problems if her medication isnt right. Do you have yr medication checked regularly? Because it sounds as though the problems you have all boil down to your thyroid. If you can get the balance of hormones right then you may stand a chance of coping with your other two problems.

  • Is it dangerous to have a thyroid problem?

  • clw1216

    I wouldn't call it dangerous but can cause a lot of problems if untreated

  • timeless

    I am having private therapy and my meds arn't quite optimal at the moment because I am trialing t3. Was diagnosed 10yrs ago hypo but only found out in december via private tests that I now have Hashimotos. Went overmedicated last week so missed a couple of doses and restarted on a lower dose and t3 has gone too low again. I really need a full sex hormone panel done because I am post meno. Everything is hormone related with me and it's getting everything balanced which is the difficult bit which is why I am working with a functional medicine doctor in the States (via Skype) who has been on all sorts of supps because I have Hashimotos but nothing is working as yet

  • It sounds as though its early days yet. Once the hormones are sorted you should be able to sort the anxiety. Keep well, and dont give up!

  • timeless, I have been on thyroid meds for 10yrs. My private Endo just says, after lots of tests, that it's all stress related and if I get that down everything should settle. He initially said from all my results my body wasn't converting my Levo into t3 properly and was going to give me some. Then he got sidetracked with my adrenals and ended up saying I didn't need any t3 after all. Paid him a lot of money to say that. Since then I have been back to struggling on my own like I have done so for the last 12 months.

    If I can get my cortisol levels down the anxiety goes and I can cope better but it's getting my stress levels down that's the problem plus my thyroid levels arn't right yet so I am in a vicious circle

  • Could my iud birth control be causing issues with my thyroid? I'm getting it out in a week..

  • clw1216

    no hon, your thyroid gland sits under your adam's apple. What symptoms are you experiencing? Anyone on your family have thyroid problems because it's very common

  • I know that, but I'm saying with the increase of hormones coming from the iud could that be making things worse? And idk I'm adopted so I don't know my family history. I'm really hoping it's not my thyroid

  • clw1216

    sorry hon I can't help you on that, never had one of those. The only way would be to do a test and see

  • Thyroid issues can cause anxiety but like you were told only blood work with help you find out. If you are concerned ask your doctor to test your TSH, free t4 and free t3 and antibodies. Thyroid issues are veyr common but are not dangerous unless not treated but it would take months before it would become an issue and you would be having lots of physical issues like unexplained gain weight, very dry skin, constipation, joint pain, unexplained fatigue,meow body temperature, always feeling really cold so there are lots of warning symptoms that would get you to the doctors . Nowadays, you are automatically tested when you have blood work ordered, hence why it is important to have regular checkup. Now, some women who have estrogen dominance, (either due to too much estrogen or low progesterone) can induce anxiety but also can affect the thyroid as estrogen compete with thyroid hormone. Hence why, soja is not recommended for women with thyroid problems. I have thyroid issues and it does run in my family. Don't worry about it though as It is not a serious condition as long as you take your medication. but yes, people like me need hormone replacement therapy for life to ensure it is working well.

  • What did you mean by "soja"

  • I wrote it in French sorry. I meant to write soya or any soya product. It does not agree with a sluggish thyroid.

  • You can do alot of things other than take your life, something is out there that your not doing

  • I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. Anxiety sucks I have been dealing with health anxiety for over 30 years and also feel that people just don't understand, and it's not that they are fed up of don't care ,, thru just don't understand and don't quite know what to say. Your life is worth it and you need God to push you through it. I'm praying for you. Suicide is not the answer and you are loved more than you know. Feel free to respond . ❤️lynn

  • Thank you❤️

  • Your welcome, believe me I have had anxiety, panic , and health hypochondria for a long time . And it is a Shity thing to live with, but we can all fight back and beat it , I struggle daily but just keep pushing.

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