All too much

[Jimmyspadge]

I do write things down a lot on paper but I find it really difficult to explain the exact circumstances/situations I need to address urgently and the way how I feel.

I can’t find a way out of this at all. Spiralled into an abyss of helplessness and unable to move in any direction whatsoever. Feel severely depressed with a lot of thoughts now about ending it all. Even the most simplest of things such as basically thinking of getting a pound coin for the trolley to go shopping feels like a massive struggle, never mind the shopping itself which absolutely exhausts me, but not in an anxious way. It’s like I only have half a brain or something. I can barely remember my PIN number for my bank card. I have hardly any money with 4 young kids at home and I cannot even bare the thought of going on universal credit. My wife hates me and wants me to leave. My kids are suffering because of how I am. I isolate myself even from them. I started to think that maybe I have a underlying medical issue like dementia or something. It’s so difficult for me to explain this feeling. I have circumstances that I need to address but it’s like my brain just turns off and I just stare into nothingness . I just want to go to sleep and never wake up as each day just drifts into another day and each day is the same. I don’t have fleeting glances of any kind of normality/ contentment. I feel like I am in a plastic greenhouse and pressing each flimsy side but unable to push through or for that matter cannot even be bothered trying to push through. Totally in limbo and everything is crumbling and I cannot do a thing about it.

[aneerj]

It seems you are going through extreme depression but do not worry.all beginning has an end..start to know the real reason for your anxiety.there must be something which has stuck in your subsconscious mind which giv8ng you these depressive moods.do relaxation.prayer.listen to you tube calming music.learn to move forward like the saying "if you cant run then walk and if you cant walk then crawl,whatever you do you move forward

[Jimmyspadge in reply to aneerj]

I have tried moving forward and just can’t. Like you say there probably is something in the sub conscious manifesting away but I cannot think what. I was in the bathroom the other day and I had a very odd feeling that I was being beckoned or something. I do fear living in poverty which everything is going towards. I had a pretty successful business for 9 years until June last year. I began to worry about jobs we had done and it got to the point where I couldn’t answer the phone or a email and just didn’t want to carry on with the business anymore. I began having panic or anxiety attacks in my house prior to going out carrying out a job. I just packed it in and the problems escalated from there. I don’t know what really happened as to why I started to worry. It was like an obsession and it’s with me still about other situations. I could start it up again but I cannot put my mind to it. I struggle remembering recent things yet I can remember upsetting things that happened 30-40 years ago. I am 56 years old and feel like a very vulnerable small child and I am actually getting really frightened of the way I am

[aneerj in reply to Jimmyspadge]

I feel you.what you experiencing is a crisis i understand that.from your msg idk but i feel its a fear of not being able to control things,since you said you got 4 children.you think how things would be if you cant provide necessary to them n i guess there have been a moment when a bad thing had made its way to ur subsconscious mind.as you say you were working well and later all got messed.your subsconscious mind is always pushing you to think otherwise for sure.

Let me suggest you to do smthing..do it bcoz you never know what things can triggered recovery..

1.prayer

2.gratitude for every petty good things you have

3.forgive urself n others

4.release negative thoughts,convert bad thoughts into good thoughts

5.meditation

6.affirmation (search in you tube)

7.smile (i know its sooooo difficult but please just try)

8.make a drawing whenever you can n try to see what it really reveal to you

You may be surprise to see what you never expect

[Agora1 in reply to aneerj]

Finding "hope" in your responses. I'm glad you are a part of our virtual family. xx

[aneerj in reply to Agora1]

Thanks you but i want to hear some good news from you..keep trying you will definitely see good results

[Jimmyspadge in reply to aneerj]

Thank you.

My wife has said on many occasions that I am like this because I have no control over things. I have worse days than others. Last few days have been the worse just when I was thinking I was picking up even a small amount. I thank you for your encouragement in what you have written

[aneerj in reply to Jimmyspadge]

Try to Smile and you will see miracles..the creator is always here for us..

[Jimmyspadge in reply to aneerj]

I am not really a religious person but lately I’ve have been praying for guidance for myself in order to be able to give guidance/reassurance and the correct answers to my children.

[aneerj in reply to Jimmyspadge]

Thats a good start..you are in the right path to recovery..god bless you n your beautiful family

[car103 in reply to aneerj]

Great list. Thank you.

[Agora1 in reply to aneerj]

Excellent advice aneerj….whatever it takes, keep moving forward is the answer xx

[Agora1]

Jimmy, I once was in "limbo" as you are right now. Remember that limbo is just a

stopping place until we can figure out the next step to take. Follow the advice of

aneerj, believe in your heart that you will get there and when the time is right you

will. I believed I would find my way back again and I did. I believe in you xx

[Jimmyspadge in reply to Agora1]

Thanks for replying. I wish I just had more time but it’s honestly running out. As you know it’s a very odd and at times a frightening place to be in. The feeling explodes into inadequacy-shame-guilt-weakness-loneliness-inability to make the smallest of decisions etc. I usually take my dogs out every day but today I just could not face it.

Sorry to be so negative but it’s really got a very tight hold on me x

[Agora1 in reply to Jimmyspadge]

Jimmy, is there anyway you could voluntarily go "in patient" to the hospital.

During my time in greatest upheaval in my life, I used that "time out" in the

hospital where I was given 24/7 care to work on myself. I walked out a better

person then I was when I walked in. I continued with out patient therapy and

little by little applied everything I had learned during my time away.

Sometimes we need to run away for awhile when life gets too overwhelming.

What better place to get help and be safe than the hospital. I found that structure

in each day was a calming relief. I didn't have to worry about the "what ifs" in my

life. Whatever you choose to do Jimmy, never, ever give up. There are answers

out there as well as miracles that can happen once we gain back control of our

Mind/Body Connection. xx

[Jimmyspadge in reply to Agora1]

I really get so upset at the simplest things. It’s very strange. For example my youngest child said that he had lost his pencil sharpener and for me it felt like a massive issue and I felt quite upset by such a small issue. I can’t stop feeling like this.

[Agora1 in reply to Jimmyspadge]

I so hear you Jimmy...your mind is darting every which way that you

can't even think straight. Help could be out there waiting for you. xx

[aneerj in reply to Jimmyspadge]

Actually its not that you do not love your child or you are being rude bcoz of a lost sharpener...its just that you are already so overwhelmwd with nregativity that a petty things triggered your anger..i bet you were then sad and sorry but as Agora1 wrote,search a time for urself..all will b alright (easy to say..hard to do) i know that but please try

[Jimmyspadge in reply to aneerj]

I wasn’t rude with him, it just overwhelmed me and sort of felt panicky over such a small issue. Today I am feeling so overwhelmed with everything. The circumstances that I/we are in, are horrendous. I am not at all well and this is not an attention thing but I want out. I speak to the Samaritans as I have no one else who wants to know. I go out for my lad to school in 5 minutes. Even going to school is a nightmare for me as I feel embarrassed and shamed

[aneerj in reply to Jimmyspadge]

I understand that..i had smtime felt like my foot dnt want to go anywhere,i had to force myself to work (own business) i had bad sleep..i can not concentrate..i felt so alone as my close ones did not understand me and on top of that they either laugh at my situation or they just say am to be blamed for my situations and that am like thus and that..

It really hurts..i had wept so much..i always think "why me" i kept looking at others n their happiness i felt so sad for myself..i know i ddnt deserve that..actually i ddnt know what was my problem..what was making me like this..why i was living like this..well so much thinking..i find out that i fear petty health issue..so thats it..am still a hypocondriac but moderate

I can not stop thanking god for everything..am not fully recovered but i trust the universe..i blive in the "Law of attraction" that i am ok.happy.healthy.wealthy.my family are safe.etc.and that day is here..

[Jimmyspadge in reply to aneerj]

Thanks for your reply. I also look at people and their happiness and I actually get envious. My business I had is really mine and the families hope to turn things around but it’s fills me with such apprehension and other strange emotions

[Jimmyspadge in reply to aneerj]

That’s really brilliant you turned it around

[aneerj in reply to Jimmyspadge]

If i overcame some bad feelings you can..we are all human afterall so similarity exists so feel and accept things..yourself will see difference..you all out there suffering from anxiety's are in my prayers..a day is coming when we all Anxiety sufferers will laugh at our current situation n will say "those were the bad days"..cheers and stay happy 🙏

[Jimmyspadge in reply to aneerj]

I feel really scared at this point in my life. I woke at 6am with all I can describe as shear terror. I have things to address but I feel unable to and mentally paralysed. Even looking at the dark grey sky is horrible. I noticed the washing up liquid has nearly run out and even this such simple thing gives me a anxious/hopeless feeling. I don’t know what to do. Trying to accept the feelings and breathe steadily but I am getting worse day by day recently. I am getting really frightened as I cannot address anything that I know cannot wait much longer. I told my wife at 6am how I felt but she just tells me to shut up. I can’t go on like this and I don’t know what to do

[aneerj in reply to Jimmyspadge]

Oh i feel you..am so sorry to hear that your wife can not understand you..but you try to understand her attitude..idk may be she is upset and that she thinks she is bearing too much and that you do not seem to make any effort to change..actually its you are so overwhelmed that even the slightest minor thing makes you worry...talk and communicate with family is important.

[Jimmyspadge in reply to aneerj]

Thanks. I do realise that she is going through an awful lot with me the way I am. I must face up to things and even with the horrible symptoms. I probably sound weak which is true

[PapaDocs]

Try to get this thought of ending it all as far away from you, my friend, because it will never help you. The people here already gave great advice and support. I thing checking into hospital might be a good thing to do, but also look for counseling if available and affordable. You might also be able to get free counseling at a nearby church and the pastor might be able to help you. Finally, I saw a documentary about people in Australia with similar situations and they got into a program that switched them to healthy diet of fruits, nuts and vegetables and some of them are recovering.

[Jimmyspadge in reply to PapaDocs]

I am in a state of limbo more so due to the circumstances that I have got myself and my family in. I do have severe depression from it all. My two choices will have dire consequences for me and my family which ever one I choose. I could write it down here but it would take me hours. I am totally lost and cannot find a solution.