Never gonna move on

[Kainan]

I'm afraid I'm never going to graduate from college. It happens at the same time every year during the fall that I start missing classes because I just don't want to get up. And it's been like this for the past 7 years. I know it's seasonal depression at work here and I've done so much to combat it: medication, light boxes, talk therapy, exercise, mindfulness, but it won't let up. I feel like I'm up against biology and I'm fighting a losing battle. No matter how prepared I am or how well I''m doing, it just happens automatically

I'm 24 years old and people within my own age group are all moving on with their lives and I'm still stuck here in school at a community college, a place I don't even want to be, fighting the same battles over and over. I'm embarrassed and ashamed whenever people ask me, "what are you up to?", and I have to begrudgingly say, "still in school."

I had originally wanted to get into physical therapy because it's something personal to me, but at this rate I don't believe it will happen. Now I ask myself is school the right path for me to take right now. Can I make something of myself without a degree from college? I can't think of anything. I don't have any skills. I have zero friends. No vision. I'm stuck at a dead end job making next to nothing. I've been in school my entire life, and I have nothing to show for it.

[Agora1]

Hi Kainan_li, you will graduate when the time is right for YOU. As you have seen, no pill or therapy of any sort, is going to motivate you to get up in the morning and face the world. That's got to come from within. 24 is still young to not know exactly which direction you want to go in. Never be ashamed at saying you are "still in school". Older people go back to school at any phase of their lives. (usually because they are sure of what they want) You can get a degree in something just to say you have college but will it lead to the job you want in life? I went back to school in my early thirties, I finally knew what I wanted. And you know what? I realized I wouldn't have been prepared at a younger age. I was more mature and went after what I wanted. Paramedics. I used the support of the hospitals, fire departments, reaching out to each and everyone and letting them know my plans. You can do this as well if you truly want to get into Physical Therapy one day. I'm in Chicago, but many hospitals will hire you as well as pay for your training. I didn't have friends. The skills are what I made of it. The problem here Kainan seems to be NO VISION which makes you stuck. Sit down and have a talk with yourself in where you see yourself 5 years down the road. If you don't see an answer (and I always use to get stuck on that question) then you don't have the vision yet and may have to wait until the light bulb goes on or you get disgusted enough in standing still. There is a lot out there waiting to be had by a 24y.o. male. Look around, keep your eyes and ears open and opportunity will find you. Good Luck

[Kainan in reply to Agora1]

Hi Agora

I'm not ashamed of being in school; I'm ashamed of not being able to move along in school because I'm struggling over the same issues with depression and anxiety year after year.

I do want to get into physical therapy because it is a part of my life. I have personal experience with it. And every time I go to the hospital to meet with a doctor, I know I will be in good hands and I want to pass on that comfort to other people. That is my vision. And I'm willing to work for it.

The problem I have is that I am so timid and anxious that I cannot for the life of me get along with people or be assertive and express myself. What kind of physical therapist...or rather person would I be if I cannot even do that.

I would transfer immediately to a four year university but I'm so afraid that I won't know what to do, that the enormity of the place will swallow me. I have had that experience before and that's why I went to a small local college, sort of like a testing ground for myself, and I'm not doing well there either. I don't know of any opportunities that await for me if I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do

[Agora1 in reply to Kainan]

Kainan, I'm glad you do still entertain the idea of becoming a physical therapist. Knowing what it has done for you will give you a better understanding of one on one with the patient and how important it is.

I too Kainan, was extremely shy at your age. Assertive? I didn't know the word existed nor confidence. It takes time to develop that quality about ourselves. Believe a patient would much rather have a sincere, caring therapist than a cocky know it all. You are afraid of the enormity of a 4yr university because the place would swallow you alive.

The first day I walked into the fire station, the first thing they said was that OMG you will be eaten alive. I thought to myself, I could either give up and walk out or stay and prove it to myself and to the community that I was in the right place at the right time.

You are not the first and won't be the last person who needs time and the right support to grow into a confident, assertive person. With age comes wisdom and determination to follow our dream. We will support you here on the forum. I will support you because I was just like you. My only regret is that I didn't pursue my dream sooner, they were the best years of my life.

I wish that for you as well. One day it will all fall into place.

[Maridmurphy2006]

Hi Agora1, your message to Kainan was fantastic and your advise wonderful. We need fine young men like Kainan I sure hope we can all support him.

Thanks again.

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I wonder how you feel now looking back towards this post.

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I am 8 yrs older than you and I feel I wrote this myself ahahahah.