When you like to please people this is the worst illness you can have......

Today I am exhausted, I've slept all night and feel I need more sleep...

I think I'm feeling worse in all of this because I'm feeling a total let down

I love to please, but I'm just not pleasing no one least of all me ..

If I have a day were I get up and do something around the house or help out in some way I end up exhausted the next day..I sleep a lot

CBT therapy today, I know I'm no better than last time and it's my 5th session, only one more to go, failed at that too, what happens when that finishes....

The pressure is on at home my daughters partner is off work sick and he doesn't even know I'm not working, I'm not a good liar and really don't like telling lies..but don't want him to know, I'm living under their roof and not contributing it feels so bad, I would feel awful if he new I've now given up my job...Normally it's all fine he's lovely, my daughter is lovely, I stay in my room so much, I'm not around, I don't have to, I choose to...

I'm low today, feeling I've failed everyone including myself....I'm feeling like I've failed here too, writing this blog, I first wrote a blog a month ago I should be writing about what progress I've made ...but I can't....maybe mornings are worse, when you wake up feeling exhausted and just want to cry because you want to be better...

Glad I have at least got somewhere to say it......

I truly hope yours is a more positive morning than I seem to be having

Xxxxx

[Hidden]

Morning oooh you are being way too hard on yourself. You say you have a lovely daughter, that didn't happen by magic that's down to you being a good mum. You haven't failed cbt it's the other way round. Tell them how you feel today and ask them what other help there is. You can have more than 6 sessions. What did you used to enjoy doing? Can you maybe get out for a short walk or run a bath and have a soak before your session. Let us know how you get on when you get chance xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you eve, will ask them when I go today..

Xxxx

[Hidden]

sounds like your a lovely person dont beat yourself up about it. im sure your daughetrs bf will understand. i myself to is to nice for my own good lots of ppl tell me that but i think hold on shoukdnt ppl be nice? in my eyes ppl help ppl out well thats the way it used to be when i was younger. i think its lovely you try and please others but make sure you please yourself to and maybe you need another psyc cbt person (not sure what there called) do they give you homework to do cos i read somewhere that cbt tends to give you homework to practise and some ppl dont do it then it takes longer for cbt to work

jo x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, I appreciate the comments xxxx

[Tara67]

Morning sleepless,

Sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. Keeping things from your son in law is probably adding to your anxiety. Can you speak to your daughter and explain how you feel, it might take the pressure off. Sadly todays society is very money orientated and we do feel we have to support ourselves and not ask for help. But families are their to help each other in times of need, I don't know your situation but maybe you are entitled to some financial help while you are off work.

CBT can take a while before you see any difference. I did it a year ago and got nothing from it, I am redoing the same course and feel I understand things better. The first time I was looking for a miracle, now I know that's not possible, there is no magic wand.

Try to find time to do things you enjoy, go for a walk, go to the library. Don't lock yourself in your room. Offer to do things about the house to help your daughter and you will feel you are contributing

I hope you feel better soon x

[Hidden in reply to Tara67]

Thank you Tara xxx

[eta55]

Morning, sorry to hear you are feeling so bad today, I felt exhausted yesterday, I could not get going. I think we take a few steps forward then a couple back! Sometimes I feel worse after too much sleep, which doesn't happen very often.

Hope your day gets better, wishing you well x

[Hidden in reply to eta55]

Thank you, hope your day is a good one too...xxx

[Hidden]

Feeling like a failure wont make you get better.

You are you, a valued part of the family unit.

Not telling the truth as I said before, will make you more anxious, just let it all out, and dont expect to be understood. It is as it is, and thats the truth.

You will be able to contribute soon, and I'm sure both your daughter and her husband agreed on you staying there in the first place.

regarding the CBT, just ask if you can have some more because all the stuff hasn't been sorted yet. Your allowed

So, beep breath, sit yourself in your body, and go get a nice cupp of tea and a biccy no need to overdo it today,

Wishing you well

B

xxx

[Hidden]

Ah Sue.......... the mornings are Always the worst........... it hits you like a ton of bricks when you open your eyes...........

Youre putting way too much pressure on yourself.......... Its a moment in time and I WILL PASS.....

The worst thing about this illness is the stigma thats attached to it and we feel ashamed because its the mind thats not well........

But look, your son in law is ill............. but thats ok, right??

Let yourself off the hook............ and stop fighting it............ You will get better.................

Everything in life in only ever temporary, and so is feeling crap...........

Maybe you could have a little chat with your daughter and tell her how you feel crap at not working/contributing and how you feel about her husband not knowing, tell her its stressing you.......things are always worse when you bottle them and build it into a massive problem,,,,

Then maybe she can have a word with him......get it out in the air so you can stop worrying about it........... Im sure your daughter is doing this cos she loves you and wants to and knows you would do the same for her........... so accept some help for a while.............

Sending lots of love

Ker xx