So guys, WHAT HAVE I MISSED?!

[MuffinChops]

Where have I been, you may be wondering (lol) well I've been no where tbh. I haven't been on here, or my laptop at all that much, because my life has been engulfed by my Xbox 360. I'm so sorry guys, but nothing regarding my situation has changed, everything is still as rubbish as it was a couple of months ago, but I'm so numb to it all right now I couldn't really give less of a damn, so I'm okay in that sense haha. I'm still battling my eating disorder too, I've lost a lot more weight and food is pretty much non-existent in my life now, and my codeine addiction is still lingering.

I didn't return to College early this month because I could not handle the pressure, considering I'm going through so much. My sister isn't going to school either, we are taking time out to concentrate on us, and only us. I'm not even thinking about getting a job, I do not want one, I just want to sit in my bedroom all day and play on my Xbox, in which the only friends I have are alive on there. I have no social life, apart from talking to people online, and that's what I'm comfortable with atm to be honest.

On the upside, I have my first appointment with the adult mental health service on the 10th October, not sure how I feel about this, they may tip me over the edge as I've learnt to somewhat cope alone, not sure if I would let others in now.

I have no plans, no goals, no motivation, no feel, no enjoyment and no desire to change how it is. Going along with it seems to be better than fighting it at the minute, I tried that and failed lol!

I hope all my friends are still here? Please comment and let me know how you are, and any newbies feel free to introduce yourself!

I attached a photo of my woggy to cheer you all up.

[Hidden]

Hey young lady , you have been missed

But one person on here has been really distressed & thats Fairy

Please message her hun , she has been very distraught at times with worry as she cares about you & has been thinking all sorts

I am pleased to see you posting , sorry things are not perfect , but lets keep everything crossed with you refferal

So message Fairy if you havnt already , I promised I would chase you if you popped up ,so I am

love

whywhy

xxx

[wallflower_fairy in reply to Hidden]

Bless you whywhy. :') xx

[MuffinChops in reply to Hidden]

I have messaged Fairy on Skype and I've just replied to her comment below after reading it just now, I love that girl, she's so dedicated and amazing<3

Glad to see you're still here, I love your new profile picture, we do love that Will.I.am fellow!

How are you? Considering I haven't been on here in TOO LONG!

xxx

[MuffinChops in reply to Hidden]

I have messaged Fairy on Skype and I've just replied to her comment below after reading it just now, I love that girl, she's so dedicated and amazing<3

Glad to see you're still here, I love your new profile picture, we do love that Will.I.am fellow!

How are you? Considering I haven't been on here in TOO LONG!

xxx

[wallflower_fairy]

Hi Muffinchops,

I think you've done the right thing, trying not to fight it - I think actually, fighting it can make things worse. I was wondering whether you remembered of my old comments because I know you struggled taking it in, but it sounds like some of it has sank in.

It sounds like things are pretty stationary at the moment which is ok because you're not going backwards. In fact, there's a way forwards because you're seeing the adult mental health team on the 10th. I know you're worried about letting them in hun. But you don't have to tell them everything to start with, just do it in you're own time. In fact tell them about your last course of treatment with CAHMS and how much that distressed you, and affected your ability to trust in adults. Might be worth using that as a starting point.

I'm sending you big (((hugs)))

and remember, you can talk to me at any time.

wanderingwallflower xx

P.S. I know you want time doing your own thing but remember there's no harm varying it. Maybe read a bit, watch a bit of TV or a film, or go out into the garden with that rather gorgeous dog of yours.

[MuffinChops in reply to wallflower_fairy]

FairyFunkyFlipFlop, I messaged you on Skype, I'm not sure if you received it?? I am having to spell check every word I type at the minute, my sleeping pattern is extremely off whack, 1:00pm and I haven't slept all night, AGAIN! So I'm terribly sorry for any errors...

Yes it seems your hard work or drilling in useful information to my thick walled brain has finally worked, woohooo! Great advice as always I'm sorry it has taken me so long to reply, has it seriously been 6 days since I posted this? JESUS! Time seems to be flying by lately, I'm even forgetting to watch my favorite TV show (Casualty) which I used to watch like clockwork every Saturday, I've not watched it for 3 weeks now I'm so out of touch with time lol. So Imma go and say Hi to my good old friend BBCiPlayer

My Mad Fat Diary is supposed to be starting again soon (series 2) and I am SO excited for it, yet I've heard no news. Let me know if you hear anything

Have you been OK my darling?

<3 xxx

[wallflower_fairy in reply to MuffinChops]

Hi sweetie yes I did receive it but I didn't have a chance to reply. It was really good to hear from you though, I've missed you, missed our chats.

You're starting to sound like me there, apologising for errors. Well for someone so exhausted you've done a pretty good job: accurate use of grammar and artistic license. Accurate spelling, correct syntax. (That's my English Language Brain coming back), if I was as tired when writing this I am telling you this much Muffin my words would be riddled with errors! Positively riddled hun! (The only mistake is I can actually see is that you didn't leave a space before you tried to create a winking emoticon but other than that...) I too, am using the spell check. I am not sure how clearly this is coming out. Everything feels strangely distant - it might just be tiredness. But I am feeling a little bit sad as well. At least I can identify why. But I'm not sure you would appreciate me writing you an essay on the complexities of my emotion or my circumstances at the moment.

I know, time is flying isn't it? It's weird how it can pass you by without evening realising it.

Haha, have fun. You know what? I think I'll do the same. I love Casualty. It's always something I have to watch with the family though, a bit like a tradition I suppose. I haven't been watching telly 'cause of uni - you need a TV license where I'm staying and I'd rather watch Casualty with the family anyway. So I think I'm guna watch Corrie - they have some good stories at the moment - on itv player on the laptop. Sometimes it helps to escape from reality. It seems we keep missing eachother sweetie. I'm on a different schedule now so I'm almost certainly going to be awake during the day. Is there any time where we're both awake? I would love a proper catch up.

I hope you're ok, honey.

Love,

wanderingwallflower <3

xxxx

P.S. That's fantastic, I'll go onto the E4 site and search it. I'm assuming it mightn't be till Jan cause that's when the first series came out?

P.P.S. I remember you saying the last time you watched Eastenders (the only soap we have in common apart from Casualty - we've discussed TV before) was on one of Dot's story lines and you're wondering if her character is even still in it, not sure I answered so: yes she is. And she's exactly the same. Making quotes from the bible, saying she 'ain't one to gossip', 'ain't one for idle talk', only drinks 'the one for medicinal purposes', and...and...what was the other one?...Bare with. It'll come.

[Mysteryreader]

I agree with Funky Fairy try and vary it a little bit. Your dog does look gorgeous. Are you up tp taking him/her out for a short walk?

Although I don't know your circumstancies again as said, the way out might be the mental health team and seeing what they have to offer.

[MuffinChops in reply to Mysteryreader]

I used to walk him 3 times per day and seriously enjoyed it, but since he turned 6 months old and started being a little bugger on the lead I've lost confidence, he's now 1.5 years old and still a bugger because I can't train him thinking like this. I have rarely left my bedroom for 6 months now as I always feel tired and anxious, I am awake all night and sleep all day. He's a very lovely doggy for me but messes my family around a hell of a lot, I love the pup but I just don't have the mental and physical strength. There is nothing physically wrong with me (I hope), but I just feel extremely depressed 24/7. I've even had to quit College 2 years in a row now because of this damn depression and anxiety. I've only just turned 18 and instead of being at College living the young and free life, I'm stuck in my bedroom with no insight to the outside world, it's no life for a teenager, but it's what I'm comfortable with at the minute. Hopefully things will change soon, and I might meet a therapist that actually talks my language and can get around that stubbornly negative brain of mine haha.

Thank you for commenting, nice to meet you.

[hamble99b]

good to see you back, lovely doggy!

[MuffinChops in reply to hamble99b]

Thanks for commenting Sandra! Yes he may be a looker, but he certainly isn't as well behaved as he looks, naughty little puppy lol.

How are you?

[Hidden]

Hello

It's great to see you posting, also great news on your appointment.

[MuffinChops in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Michael