Since late September I confronted several fears of mine in an aid to improve my anxiety and depression and for the most part it has been successful. I still have much further to go but i am having much less anxiety attacks and depressive episodes but i am under no disillusion that i am somehow cured. I know i ill be managing my illnesses for the rest of my life but i believe they can be managed in such a way that they dont control me and diminish any hopes of a healthy lifestyle.
Today i am on day two of my attempt to rest my attitudes and expectation and to really reach for the things i want in life and not just accept my circumstances and roll over. Yesterday i weighed myself.. i am 20st 5lbs (285lbs) and i am only 5ft! This is simply not acceptable. I recently asked for a body workup at my local doctors practice and i have a clean bill of health but i know that things will not continue to be like that if i continue in this reckless manner and i will die before i am 40. Much of it has been my illnesses but i've also rolled over and just accepted my situation.
Today i went outside and walked. I didn't have any distance or location in mind, i just knew that to get better in my head and physically i had to get out. I just walked in and around my local town. I did a total of three miles or so and it felt nice to not have the feeling of dread facing the scary world outside my door. I feel calm and i would very much like to make it a regular thing. Over the years i have noticed more social anxiety behaviours and me staying indoors has not done me any favours.
So here i am... trying to take control and not being controlled. I want a better quality of life. I owe it to myself and I am a good person, I deserve to have a life filled with joy
so...big breaths ..I'm going to take back my life one baby step at a time
Thanks for reading