I am not sure what happened last night, I was fine until at 1am when I woke up and my imagination took over. I manged to get myself into an extreme panic, and was paralysed by fear. I lay awake until 5am thoughts going mad in my head.
I am constantly searching for a 'safe place' somewhere I fell the outside world can't harm me. I debated with myself for hours if I should move into my parents house. Working out accommodation, how it would work with my hubby and our pets. It is not a viable idea their house is small and we would be cramped into 1 bedroom with no room for our belongings.
This kept going over and over in my head, I nearly woke hubby up to ask him if we could do it but I know he would be the voice of reason and say no. Finally at 5am I took dome Rescue Remedy and Kalms and fell asleep.
I am not much better this morning, fear of something bad going to happen is taking over again. I know if I do this crazy move I to my parents I am just swapped one anxiety for another, the stress of living in a small house with my parents would try me mad and put strain on all my relationships.
I am so tired of being afraid and wanting to hide from the world in a massive ball of cotton wool.
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Tara67
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You say "I am constantly searching for a 'safe place' somewhere" here you thinking in the future, and its that.............where anxiety rises.
Anxiety is about thinking in the future
Depression is about thinking in the past
Happiness is being in the present
Looking at your idea, it does sound that you would be better off where you are, as we know where we are is all we have. Appreciate what you have, not what you want. Wanting mind leads to hell.
This constant thoughts of, I would be better off elsewhere, if only I could stop the neighbours making noise, if only.........its all creating your hell.
When we see that we cannot control anything in life, we have to let go of trying to order it around. Be happy where you are now, sit in your body and relax let go,
in the words of blessed Dr Claire Weekes;
FACE do not run away
ACCEPT do not fight
FLOAT do not tense
LET TIME PASS do not be impatient with time
Floating resembles accepting, it means to go with the feelings, offering no tense resistance, as one would if floating on calm water, letting the body move with the gentle undulation of the waves. It means loosening towards nervous sensations; letting the body go slack before them as willingly as possible. Some will say, " how can I float past a whipping flash of panic ? " They can by taking the panic with as little resistance as possible; by waiting untill the flash spends itself and then going on with the job at hand.
It is the letting go and consequent release from some tension implied by the word "floating" that matters. Floating is the opposite to fighting.
I put all this into practise and was feeling calm, and I literally heard a car door slam and that started me off. I get myself into such a state, thinking what could happen, what will I do, and all I can think is escape. I can't seem to live for the moment, it's all about the next hour, day, week even year. How will I cope if, if, if....
You can see I am driving myself mad. So I am going to try and float today. X
Hi Tara about a month ago I had the same thing real bad, mine was the same a fear of something bad going to happen and that stooped me going out at night as I found mine would kick in at the evening when it started to get dark.
For me I had a fear but was not sure what it was I just know there was something out there making me feel this way. For me the only way I stopped it was to talk about it with people close to me and then start to fight that fear face on.
I started to go out ion to the garden at night just to show myself that there was nothing going to happen.
now I don't have that to much and am able to go out to the shops in the evening
It's hard to train your brain to let it know that it is all ok but it can be done.
Keep fighting it, remember if it gets to bad have a work with your GP.
Thanks Trip, I seem to want to protect everyone around me. My fear isn't for myself it's for people I care about, I can't bare the thought of something bad happening to them. I have to stop myself phoning hubby every 5 minutes when I am at work, if he doesn't answer the panic starts. He has fallen, he taken ill, he went out and got run over...
I have told him but there is nothing he can do, but he is understanding x
Hi Tara, I've been feeling the panic/anxiety quite heavily too today. I'ts strange as i've had a really good few days, but just like you i woke up early and my mind started to drift and do the "what if" thing it like to do. I'm trying to do like trip said and "train my brain to let it know everythings okay" but sometimes i just get so scared and i feel lost and alone even though i have like you a great partner and family to help me.
We can beat this together hope our day gets better
Its weird how these things trigger us of , or hard to understand
I have had yet another sinus infection & when I blow my nose I have a nose bleed , which is not bad as such , but sent me in a panic
I no all day I will be looking to see if it keeps bleeding ...yet my kids have had nose bleeds & I say its ok , I have one & its well...you can imagine
Times like this when something triggers me , I have family but living with this head I can feel so alone
I totally understand this as it's exactly how I've been feeling. I go to sleep and then wake at 3 or 4 am panicking. All sorts of irrational fears going through my head. I've just started on some medication but it's early days yet. Hope you feel better soon, I'm going to have a look at the meditation blogs to see if they help. xxxxx
Our brains are very annoying, but our friends on here can help us all through (cheesy but true) I've got the worst fear today i've had in days but because i'm on here talking about it, i can handle it. Thanks all xxxx
Thanks everyone for their comments, just had another panic. Hubby said he was going to sit in the garden and my mind started racing with the usual madness. I am trying to tell myself he has been sitting in the garden for years without any problems.
I really need to get a grip on this and take some control back. For years I have been jusitifying my anxiety by saying, I worried about this or that and nothing bad happened. As if my worrying stopped it, but I suppose it wouldn't have happened anyway.
I am going out for a walk with hubby and maybe that will help, I feel sick to the stomach and want to cry, but I am putting on a brave face for his sake.
I find myself doing this all the time, he asks me what's wrong and I always reply with, Nothing.... I always seem to go into panic when he goes out the front door.
I worry like that. By imagining the worst things I can somehow stave them off. By preparing for them I can stop them happening. I cannot allow myself to envisage a happy outcome because by thinking like that I will stop it happening.
Following this logic I am an All Powerful Being with control of life and death and all things in between. The power of my thoughts can influence everyone and everything in the world around me.
Obviously I am not and I'm not deluded enough to think I am but the thought pattern is so deeply entrenched I do not know how to live without it. The best I can do is try not to engage with the thoughts. (I understand too your need to find a safe place, somewhere you can go where the thoughts do not follow and you can feel safe again.)
My friend describes this way of thinking as OCD thinking ~ a mental way of believing that the adjustments you make to you own life have a direct effect on the world around you.
I don't know if any of this helps but be assured you are not alone.
Hi lizard you have summed up exactly how I think and feel. It makes everyday things so difficult, I remember my mother being exactly the same when I was growing up. I think she instilled a sense of fear in me, I know she was just protecting me. It is one of the reasons I decided not to have children, I knew I wouldn't be able to let them live a normal life.
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Fear
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