My Anxiety and the NHS

[ellabella]

Hi Everyone, I am on Benefit and have worked for most of my life , struggled with my Mental Health for 34 years, had 2 husbands that couldn't cope, 3 grown up children who try but distance themselves from myself because they can't cope with me. I try my best to be normal, but know damn well I am not! I feel as if I am on the scrap heap now. Been to every tratment and meeting over the years. Am on a shocking 32 tablets a day! and have been discharged from my Consultant because I will not go to a Substance Abuse Group. I am taking Medication that has been prescribed for ME! not abusing it. I never have. I am not going sitting with recreational drug users full stop. That feels like the final insult to my illnesses. What to do???? I have no bloody idea. Been kicked in the back of my head and stamped on. That is my position at the moment. Any idea's?. My anxiety is at an all time high level now. I just wish I could afford to have private treatment. The NHS IS AND HAS BEEN USELESS TO ME! xxxxx

[milo1]

HAVE you been to an organisation called mind they may be able to help you x

[ellabella]

Hi Milo, no I haven't been anywhere like that, just stuck to GP and Consultant Psychiatrist. I don't have any confidence and find it hard to leave the house. I'm sorry for my rant.... I have since forced myself into the shower and got dressed and consider that a triumph lol. That is the first time I have ever said no to a Doctor but feel as if I have no faith in any of them. I will look into mind on line. Thank you for answering ...this site is truly a God send xxx

[Lions13]

I really loved your rant, and there is no better, and probably safer, place to have a rant than here.

The fact that you were able to say no to your Dr is incredible. Saying no to a Dr is relatively common place on the continent, yet in Britain we tend to take everything they say (or prescribe) and swallow it whole, without asking if there is anything else available...so well done you.

What you have said about forcing yourself into the shower and considering it a triumph is something that I try to instill in my own clients (I'm a CBT Therapist). It is important to celebrate what we sometimes see as small successes. That small success might be just opening your curtains, getting out of bed, having a shower or getting dressed. If it's something that you feel you have to force yourself to do, and you do it...that is an achievement.

One of the things that can get in our way is the way we compare ourselves to others. "I'm not as good as them"...."They always get things done quicker than me", etc.

What I would suggest is that you try and be a bit kinder to yourself. This is easier said than done, as we tend to be our own worst critics. This is one of the reasons companies are so keen on self-appraisal...you will always see mistakes that your boss has missed.

Start by congratulating yourself on the so-called every day things everyone else on the planet does...and remember not everyone does it. There will be others that didn't shower or get dressed today...you did. That is a reason to celebrate.

[BriarRose]

Hi Ellabella

Have you considered contacting the PALs at your local MH trust/PCT? They are supposed to be the patient advocate, you could contact them and tell them you are not happy with your treatment. I used to work for a Community Health Council, which the PALs replaced - not guaranteeing they can help, but worth a try. I once complained to them about the way i was treated during a panic attack, and THEY ended up asking ME for advice on how to treat patients suffering a bad panic attack! So the system does work - sometimes.

Just a thought.

good luck

Love Rose xxx

[Untitled]

Hi ellabella. It is hard when you feel failed by the system that is and should be there to help us. I to have had the anxiety/panic disorder for over 30 yrs now and feel i was also failed but you know something hun, in my mind there is no one better qualified to deal with our problems than ourselves. Does anyone else agree with this.

I have tried several meds, i have turned down lots of help because i have pushed myself into thinking if they do not work how on earth can anything else, this is how we feel all the time.

One thing i did do though which made me stronger was look at the world from outside and ask yourself, how many people out there own up to how they really feel, how many of them actually speak about it. My guess would be hardly anyone really, The who planet is full of stress and anxeity the problem is we all deal with things so much differently.

No one is better than you and you are no better than anyone else. We are all equals in this horrible society but we do deal with life so much differently.

You mentioned about getting yourself showered, well i can honestly say that is a fantastic achievement in my view because i get up everyday and with other health problems too i feel as though i do not want to get showered or dressed, i don't want to see anyone or speak to anyone, you know something hun, this is the worse thing we can do to ourselves. There is no quick fix to all of this so we have to teach ourselves to deal with it all and for my i just think well sod it all, im a good person, i have problems yes i do but so do thousands of others, how i deal with it will be different than how they deal with it but i am the braver one because i can actually come out and say it. That is a big step hun, a very very big step.

One thing to ask yourself. You feel as though your not coping. If this is so, may i suggest you just look at it again and and ask yourself if you was not going in the right direction how did you come on here and tell the world about the problem ?

Your doing great. Try to think differently, yes easier said than done but honestly it really does help and work for me. If i get stressed by anything i immediately start to do something, change how im thinking and one thing i do is shout at myself lol sounds silly hey, for me it is not because i tell myself, stop it now, come on your doing great, why are you letting what others say and do and think affect you, this is your life, your well being and only you can do it so sod them out there. lol sorry that probably sounded awful but this is what i tell myself daily and the more i tell myself that and do the breathing exercises i feel 100 times better.

I did place a post on here about our behaviour to our subconcious mind and honestly it will help us all think differently. I do read it everyday now i have wrote it and i have mastered my thinking process better.

Good luck with everything and as lions said stop beating yourself up. xx

[ellabella]

Thank you all for replying to me, I felt so silly yesterday after I had written. I will try again today. It's a new day. You all talk so much sense! and I am very grateful for being taken seriously. I tend to keep it all in and then explode at the wrong time and to the most unfortunate people. As I get older I find I tend to tell the truth about how I feel if anyone is daft enough to ask lol. Just fed up of doing as I'm told when in reality I know it's wrong for me. Thank you again for all your encouraging words , I will take it all in hopefully and read through your answers again and again. You are brilliant! hugs to all! xxxxx

[cheekipixi]

Hi, I was diagnosed with bipolar and bpd in 2003/4 by 2008, i was undiagnosed abd discharged from my cpn, psoundychiatrist and psychologist as they said no diagnosis could be found, i am 48 yrs old and suffered since i can remember with severe depression, i have as history of self harm and suicide attempts and they still discharged me. Ive complained, been to the ombudsman and finally had a second opinion who gave me my diagnosis's back. I am though still trying to get help but its proving impossible, I dont trust any1 anymore.

[Untitled in reply to cheekipixi]

Wow that is awful hun, bless you. How can these people do this, who the hell do they think they are. When we tell them we are not well do they think we are making this lot up. What is the matter with the system these days, what on earth is going on out there with all the medical professionals, no wonder you do not trust them. Bloody heck that must be so hard for you. I would put all that in the media and make a bloody show of em all. I do hope you can get some help somewhere you cannot be under this much pressure and be be refused he help you need.

[ellabella]

I know how you feel, disillusioned with everything and everyone. I don't trust anyone either. There are good days and bad days and I have learned to appreciate the good days so much. I don't open up to most people including Doctors because when I have and its been such a big effort and worry and I've thought I was getting somewhere, nothing happens. x

[LouisaMary]

Wishing you all the best ellabella, I am sure you are a good person, who deserves to be helped......... I know it can be difficult with the NHS,,,,,,,,I am struggling with them too. So many people need help and we cant always get that help..........I do hope things get better for you............ Some counselling agencies eg Mind can offer help according to what people can afford. Take care.....

[ellabella]

Thank you LouisaMary for your kind words and compassion. I wish the very best for you too x

[cheekipixi]

Hi,

It is so hard to get the help you need, I am also a carer for my son who has a multitude of things wwrong with him, all are mentally, so of course, he looks ok if he doesnt talk or move, bless him and for him thats impossible so gets classed as a naughty child who lacks discipline. I was receiving counselling sessions with my local carer group but due to lack of funding my sessions were cancelled. The only way people like us will be helped is if we pay for it ourselves, so why do we have a NHS, mind you if i pay for counselling myself id be broke in a few weeks lol but then I would hope that these counsellors can be trusted 100%.

Good luck all

-x-

[ellabella]

It just breaks my heart that help is out there for us but we can't afford it. I have had a lot of counselling but in sessions of maybe 6. Once a week for about 20 mins after the paper work and form filling in is done with......or missed appointments completely if the counselor had booked a holiday. When the course finishes you are left stranded and alone. All in all the complete course consists of maybe 180 mins of actual counselling, maybe a quarter of which sinks in, because getting to the actual appointment had been so traumatic. I feel for you ....I only have myself to look after now. My children miraculously grew up having a very ill Mum most of the time. If they had been ill I wouldn't have managed. cheekipixie.....you are doing a fantastic job, be proud Good Luck xxx