Hi out there, never thought I would do this but maybe it will help some how .
I've taken sertrilene For about 4 years now for anxiety and it seems to help most days but over the last year or so I've walked away from 2 jobs because when things start to go wrong or people get under my skin I become less professional and voice my opinions in a very negative way which just adds fuel to a tense situation.
I know the last few weeks have been building up and my probationary meeting was due yesterday, during the meeting I could feel my anxiety building and their comments focused on a couple of these instances and nothing about the good work I have done the last 4 months,well one thing led to another and for the first time in 40 years of working they have extended the prob period.
Later I took myself off to a quiet place and it all got too much for me and whilst crying and thinking about my wife who is my life and how it was going all bad again I attempted to cut my wrist.
Sat here today I'm only glad I messed that up, I don't really want to die but just want to be happy at work, I've a wonderful family and a beautiful. Grand daughter but when at work when people do things that irratate me it get wells up in side me and I speak out loud.
I don't get angry in the sense of rage or physical but just vocal about the situation, cannot seem to hold it back.
I've previously had in my career good well paid jobs with responsibility and respect, where I made decisions and my input was required, I'm educated to degree level which I did when 43 yrs old, those job brought the pressures also, and found eventually could not function, so last few years my jobs have become more manual, which I still enjoy but struggle when I'm not acknowledged for having a brain or experiences to offer.
I know the problem is more about me than the employer, but now I'm lost again.
I'm to see the Dr next week, but I feel the pressure of possibly having to leave another job and all I want to do is keep my head down Monday to Friday until I retire in 10/12 years.
Like I said never wrote on a blog before and not sure how you can help if at all but maybe someone out there recognises these problems.........