I cant take living here any longer

[Dodo777]

People look at me and I know its going to come where I cannot control myself anymore its been going on for a while.

I had a nervous breakdown and its like people are to dumb realize whay I was acting out of character was because of stress my mind wasn't my own my emotions i wasn't in control of them I bottled up far to much than my brain could handle I'm just glad people didn't die. I first took it out on my face the bruises the scars but it still grew to uncontrolable levels. I am an outcast a hermit but I think my brain is wanting more than I'm willing to give it and its letting me know it buthow can I do ssomething i fear it will be another negative weight on myeemotions.

[Agora1]

The time might have come for you to start thinking of yourself and find a place you can have some peace and quiet both mentally and physically. We all have to face our fears and take a step forward for our own good. Wish you well.

[Dodo777 in reply to Agora1]

Well I slept on it and still feel that I've had enough apperently I upset my x by stressing shouting but she came to my house in a foul mood and she had to cone here because we're both doing a kind of hobby and she knows how its works and it wasn't running right my stepson said she been crying which makes me feel awful usually she can give as goid as she gets and looking after my son is very very hard work plus the amount he's borrowing will come to a head and I cant afford to let him off hundreds raiby day money is for a washing machine breaking down or some other unexpected thing. I know she's working but I wanted less than 5minute of het attention.

My sleep paterns are all over the place and worried about my assessment coming up. I not coping. I cant go out because my boy lost both front doir keys so feel trapped.

[Agora1 in reply to Dodo777]

Dodo, As you get more overwhelmed, it gets harder to make any right decision. I totally understand the money situation in supporting your son and his habits. I have the same dilemma with my daughter. They are at the age having been protected by us, that they don't realize what it costs. I know you have been worried about the assessment (when will that be)? How can you sleep, you have so much on your mind. So now you are trapped in your home without keys..Oh Dodo, does it ever end? You must take care of yourself or you won't be around to take care of your son. I worry everyday should something happen to me what would happen to my daughter.

I hope you can meditate and bring your stress down some. Take care.

[Maribee in reply to Agora1]

You are right Agora...but I feel dodo needs professional help to enable her to move forward...meditation is fine but that alone is not going to solve the problem.....one to one support is what is needed in dodos case, friends are fine but it needs experience to help her through this and the impact it will be having on her son.

Sometimes your brain becomes SO overwhelmed that it is not possible to 'face your fears' without professional help.

The GP should be getting help asap, the NHS is failing patients every day in such situations.

Maybe contacting MIND would help.

[Dodo777]

Im 56 I've lived the bestvparts of my life it aint going to getcany better in a million years unless i won enough on the lotto to move to a country where nobody knows me and the chances of that happening is slim to none. I am miserable i haven't the social skills the confidence to stick up for myself like I used to my temper my stress has ruined my name in my area and I'm afraid if hurting people again because its not fair to make other suffer when I'm the one in mental distress. Whats the answer i even attended church and I git sso paranoid i could leave fast enough Talking isn't going to cut it and I am not taken serious enough to be Locked up on a pych ward. Aaargh I feel like climbing a tall sructure and staying there till I am taken serious enough that I need help or else. I always planed to put a bag over my head with a bunch of mitrazipine and sleep till carbon and relaxation takes the oxygen out off my brain ivreally do.

[Hidden in reply to Dodo777]

Have you not received any support or help from health professionals? Its so unfair that you have to struggle on alone like this!

[Dodo777 in reply to Hidden]

Yes I have a mental health team check-in on me because when my ptsd depression get overwhelming I can become a dangerous person to myself and other completely out of character. The stress can get to much and I dont have a switching off button. I think all the abuse for years done alot a damage.

[Stay_strong85]

Never give up. NEVER! I believe in you, and you CAN do this. I am facing a very heavy point in my life as well, but no matter how bad it gets I remind myself to never give up no matter what. As a matter of fact today feels like the worst day in my entire life. My own mother treats me like a joke and a problem when I desperately just need a hig from her even though i am 31...I take care of two grown adults with dementia, I am so misunderstood and pretty much alone in all this...its thanks to people like you that I feel a sense of relief in my life, so please friend...don't think this way...YOU ARE amazing even if you don't feel like you are.

[Dodo777 in reply to Stay_strong85]

I do try and stay strong excuse the punt but when I'm at my worse nothing seems to help I meditate but that only works when I'm at my best and in control. I will get there thanks anyway much appreciated.

[Stay_strong85 in reply to Dodo777]

I struggle a lot too. Don't worry ot will get better. Just never give up. We need you too. We are all fighting this fight together.

[chong066]

Yeah..never give up. We all have the reason why we are here. I have a son with special needs and he is 23 years old and he keep me going. We all have the reason why we are here in this earth and fight a good fight and finished the race. YOU CAN!

[Dodo777 in reply to chong066]

Yes my son is my strength and wouldn't abandon him for anything i do complain and vent which helps with coping in bad times Thanks for concern.

[Maggie-cassidy1988]

A fell like given up to but a have 3 kids that a need to stay strong for its hard but my husband helps relly well a just keep thinking am going to die all the time its hard get sore head a walk about as if am a zombie and not my ouwn self but am trying hard as it will pass its self as it did 2 years ago mine came due to my hormones as a lost a baby 6 weeks ago am trying to stay strong but hard

[Dodo777 in reply to Maggie-cassidy1988]

So sorry so sad but your strong i can tell.

[Maggie-cassidy1988 in reply to Dodo777]

Thank u very mutch

[Maribee]

Dear Dodo...we are all routing for you...we all feel like popping around and helping you out...taking you out....can you get out ??? I'm in abuse recovery and the mental stress is not good, I have forgotten how to live my own life as I would like...I guess you are feeling the same....can you visit a friend? Go out for a walk ? What us it that you feel would change things for you ?....do you get to talk to your son about the way he sees things ? He might be desperate to help his mum feel better, most boys love their mums very much, I'm sure he does too.

Could you maybe go for a walk together ......what is it that helps you to relax ?.....

Are you on medication ? Maybe it doesn't suit you ?

There are so many IFS ..........

Do t feel abandoned...we are here for you. .big hug