I'm tired of all this.
During the week, everything is ok. Im not saying perfect, just ok. I have my anxiety moments, but in average I'm ok.
When the weekend starts, my nightmare starts as well.
Yesterday, like usual, I woke up with a headache. I did the day quite well. In the evening, I went to the cinema. During the highest part of the film I had a panic attack. I was completely immersed in the film. Gradually, I start changing the focus of my attention from the movie to my heart rate. In some seconds, my heart was racing quickly and strong. My sight became blurry, hands and feet sweating. I was "about to die". I thought about asking for help, or leave the screen room. I managed (I don't know how) to control the panic attack and finished the film. I walked home thinking how unfair is this.
Today: the same. I feel my throat closing. Breathless. That feeling of having something in the throat. I know it is a symptom of anxiety, but I, as I live alone, can't stop thinking how to make easy to people to find my body if I die. I'm always dressed, and leave the door unlocked. Mad thoughts, I know. Is good to write them and put them out of my head. Makes me see how funny and crazy my thoughts are when I'm in a anxiety moment.
The funny thing: I'm 100% sure tomorrow I'll be alright. As the week starts, my routine starts as well and my mind is too busy.
I tried to put a routine in my weekends, but it is not fair. I work hard during the week and deserve some peace and free time during the weekend.
I'm just tired and frustrated.
I'm gonna have my medicine now and have an artificial peace.
I hope you all are doing well today!