So today I turn 21, yay me, I survived this far.
But oh god, is it the worst birthday of my whole entire life. I couldn't sleep at all last night - barely got some 5 hours of sleep before my dog decided to bark non stop, some unimportant people kept ringing the house bell and people in the streets kept yelling. Woke up, took a benzo immediately, got up, no one was there to wish me a happy birthday. Before I even went to bed I had a fight with my best friend via text messages in the middle of the night. My mom came home, and said "oh you're up, I didn't have time to wrap up your present!" and those were the only 5 happy minutes of the day - I blew out the candle, ate some cake with my mom and brother who also came to wish me a happy birhtday, and looked at my sweet little presents of all the cosmetics and supplements that I love.
And after that - a sh*tstorm. I got two emails from my college. One saying I have to get up tomorrow at 8 am (I go to bed at 5 am because I can't fall asleep due to insomnia and sleep for ten hours straight - I physically am not strong enough for this...) to go have a "short conversation about the classes I am trying to get into this year" with a teacher - what the hell? Literally no one else had this experience and no one knows why I have to go, and I asked a lot of my fellow colleagues. The second email was basically them denying my request to not have to go to classes of the subject I failed last year, only to go on exams, which is a REGULAR THING in my college (obviously if you failed the subject before you only have to go to the exams - isn't that kind of logical?). This messes my thoroughly thought up plan so bad you have no idea!!! I don't know why it was denied! I literally have no idea what's happening and I am shaking right now because I don't know what I am going to do.
I have horrible anxiety and I am physically ill, but with no medical proof of it - I'm scared they're going to kick me out of college. Was it my fault I fell ill due to all the stress I've been through? This year I was supposed to rest up, finally start therapy and NOT worry about college - and look what's happening to me now!! ON MY BIRTHDAY!! Jesus I just can't catch a break!!