Anxiety Has Caused My Relationship To Fall Apart

Hi everyone! Been a while since I posted but I feel I need some support from people other than my parents. I don't have any friends as my anxiety has gotten in the way of making new ones and my old friends ditched me long before I was diagnosed. Today has been a really difficult one. My boyfriend and I had a very honest conversation. He's not sure what he wants anymore and we've just decided to take a break for a week or 2. I'm petrified that its over! I've been in a relationship with him for nearly 6 years and today I just feel empty. My struggles with anxiety haven't been easy on him and he's put up with it for so long now I think it's finally made him reach his breaking point. He's the only person I can rely on to help me through my anxiety as he has been amazing to me throughout my struggle. However, its sadly taken a toll on him and now i'm frightened I'm not going to be able to cope without him. I love him more than words can ever describe and now we're on a break, although its not the end of our relationship as such - yet, I feel empty. I don't want to live my life without him, for me there is no one else. I never knew I could feel pain this bad and that losing him was ever going to happen. For me, he is my soulmate and the reason that I wake up everyday. I just hope that if you have a relationship with someone like that, make sure you tell them everyday how much you love them and don't let your anxiety get the better of that relationship. I've been doing really well the past couple of weeks since we had our first discussion about our relationship but unfortunately I couldn't salvage it and it became apparent that i'd left it too long to get better. Please, whatever you do, don't let it defeat you. Now i'm realising what i've lost and that I took him for granted. As far as I can see, my life is over.

6 Replies

  • Dearest cs13993, having a relationship with someone with anxiety is more than difficult. However, nothing you could have said or done would prevent it from getting to this point. I will agree that 6 years is a long time to be together and may have put pressure on him but what about you? What about the pressure on you. This relationship sounds like it didn't allow you to go forward in getting better. He was a safe anchor for you but an anchor keeps you in one place. No one should be the reason to wake up everyday. Loving someone should bring out the best in you. During this break try working on YOU and not pleasing someone else. It is your time to take care of "cs". We all have the strength in ourselves no matter how deep down it is. Pull out that reserve, help on the forum is here for you as well without having to prove yourself. Move in a positive direction not for him but for yourself. No one wants someone who is clingy whether it be for love or anxiety. Gather up your self esteem. If it's meant to be you will get back together one day but not because you NEED him but because you love each other. We are here to help you find yourself again. x

  • Thank you, I will be trying to concentrate on myself, even this afternoon I went out with my parents to see family which is something I never usually do with ease, I just want to get myself better so it doesn't ruin anything else in my life. We both love each other but things have become so strained because of my struggles that we couldn't carry on any longer, I hope in time we can get back together because we love each other dearly. In the beginning before I had my anxiety we were fantastic together and so happy, one day I hope we can be that way again.

  • Beautiful way of thinking cs. Love is something worth fighting for and I'm glad you are going to fight to get better for yourself. I wish you nothing but success in finding what works and going for your dream.

  • Thank you! It means a lot!

  • For what it is worth, I struggled with relationship anxiety for quite some time but eventually realised all the negative thoughts weren't reality. I can't really comment on your situation but think Agora1's post makes a lot of sense to me. I know break-ups can be extremely painful , especially in the beginning, but over time, wounds do heal and you will move on to the next exciting chapter of your life.

    As for the anxiety, I have posted some messages on how to overcome it and hopefully they will mean something to you. The overriding principle is to go along with the anxiety and stop fighting all the scary thoughts or feelings you are experiencing because this is the reason it hangs around. The best quote I have read sums it up perfectly which is "You won't get better until you stop trying to get better." It is the trying part that feeds the anxiety so you need to stop trying to fix it (there is nothing to fix - the anxiety just makes you think there is something wrong) and just let it be. Whether it is physical or mental pain, time is the great healer so please hang in there. Best wishes Beevee

  • This break up is causing a lot of pain too :( but we've ended on good terms and have agreed to stay friends thankfully :) I must now use the time to focus on my needs and get myself back on the road to recovery, it'll be hard but now I've lost something that important it'll give me the push I need to motivate myself to beat this!

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