Apologies I need to talk - if anyone can offer me some reassurance that would be amazing
I was starting to feeling okay, until I found out I have to go to the hospital because of my mri results, now I'm scared like crazy.
I've been off work for over a month and haven't been out on my own in that time,
I can only cope being outside if I'm hooking on to someone (I'm scared of having a dizzy spell and falling over) when I'm at home I can walk around fairly happily, but outside its a different story, I even thought of getting myself a stick - I'm a very young 37, the idea upsets me greatly
Most people I know seem not to care or have no idea what to say to me, so they don't talk to me, my mom being one of them
I stupidly opened up on Facebook, not even in a big way, just saying I was scared but even that pushed people away, I know I'm being oversensitive by it still hurts
I have a flat mate who is wonderful and my gran too, they both take me out and come to the ever growing number of appointment with me.
But when they aren't with me I can't do anything, I turn in to my worse enemy, not eating right, spending hours staring at the computer longing for a friend to message me, watching films but not taking half of it in, I don't think I feel anxiety, but I then other that sadness I don't feel much
Is that even normal? can you have anxiety but then blank it out so much it just messes with your body...
That's what it feels like, I've been sad for a long time, and have lost a lot of self belief, hard stuff has happened, but many have worse, I just tried to carry on, I did without meds or anything, just denial. But then I started to feel not right, I saw something that wasn't real and that freaked me out, then I felt like my ankles were swelling and tingling, and since then the list of random pain and weirdness just keeps growing, I know nothing I'm feeling makes sense, I can even fake being okay but I know I can't keep it up, the pain wont let me.
Sorry for going on so much, I just need to chat to people who understand, I can't cope today