In need of reassurance

[bellebella]

Apologies I need to talk - if anyone can offer me some reassurance that would be amazing

I was starting to feeling okay, until I found out I have to go to the hospital because of my mri results, now I'm scared like crazy.

I've been off work for over a month and haven't been out on my own in that time,

I can only cope being outside if I'm hooking on to someone (I'm scared of having a dizzy spell and falling over) when I'm at home I can walk around fairly happily, but outside its a different story, I even thought of getting myself a stick - I'm a very young 37, the idea upsets me greatly

Most people I know seem not to care or have no idea what to say to me, so they don't talk to me, my mom being one of them

I stupidly opened up on Facebook, not even in a big way, just saying I was scared but even that pushed people away, I know I'm being oversensitive by it still hurts

I have a flat mate who is wonderful and my gran too, they both take me out and come to the ever growing number of appointment with me.

But when they aren't with me I can't do anything, I turn in to my worse enemy, not eating right, spending hours staring at the computer longing for a friend to message me, watching films but not taking half of it in, I don't think I feel anxiety, but I then other that sadness I don't feel much

Is that even normal? can you have anxiety but then blank it out so much it just messes with your body...

That's what it feels like, I've been sad for a long time, and have lost a lot of self belief, hard stuff has happened, but many have worse, I just tried to carry on, I did without meds or anything, just denial. But then I started to feel not right, I saw something that wasn't real and that freaked me out, then I felt like my ankles were swelling and tingling, and since then the list of random pain and weirdness just keeps growing, I know nothing I'm feeling makes sense, I can even fake being okay but I know I can't keep it up, the pain wont let me.

Sorry for going on so much, I just need to chat to people who understand, I can't cope today

[Hidden]

Hi hun sorry to hear that I used to be a very confident person go anywhere I now don't hardly go out of the house, my husband does everything, what do you have to go back to hospital for

[bellebella in reply to Hidden]

Thank you hollyboly3, I have to go back for mri results/neurologist and the eye hospital, I fear what they could be looking for

[Hidden in reply to bellebella]

Keep positive or try too, I am waiting for results of chest x ray

[bellebella in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, and you try to keep positive too!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Trying

[Agora1]

Hi bellabella, oh have you come to the right place for reassurance, understanding by supportive caring people who like yourself experience what you are going through. As I was reading your post, I was shaking my head saying "yes" to everything you were saying. Being agoraphobic (well trying to get past it) gives us a double whammy in not only being afraid of what might happen but being afraid to go out without someone. Whatever you do, don't get that walking stick, I thought of that at one time as well. That's not where our problem is, the problem is in what our brain is telling us. False messages. It's easy to push people away only because they don't understand. I don't even do Facebook because I don't want more people to know what I go through. I keep my life private. You are very fortunate to have a flat mate as well as your gran who support you through your appointments. One day you may be able to do this on your own but right now be grateful for the help they are willing to extend to you. We can't fake that we are okay, it will only work for so long and then you will find yourself being painted in a corner and being overwhelmed. We are who we are.

I would say the first thing is to get through the MRI results and then go from there in getting emotional help from a doctor or therapist. First things first, meanwhile the forum is your outlet to not feeling that no one understands. We certainly do... Good Luck dear. x

[bellebella in reply to Agora1]

Thank you Agora1! Your reply was just want I needed