Anxiety and Depression

[stovall1992]

I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder two years. Last year I was fine. But this summer, I started having severe anxiety. I constantly worry about my health. Every little pain or twitch will set of weeks and weeks of anxiety. I also have strong anxiety symptoms, which will make the anxiety worse. I have had test done and spoken to doctors, who all say that I am fine. But I can’t seem to get those worry thoughts out of my head. It’s driving me crazy. I went to the ER last month for a severe panic attack, and I get scared that i’ll have another one. I can’t drive and I rarely leave the house. I don’t have a job, in fear of having an anxiety attack. I have shut out my friends, and I feel like I can’t talk to my family about this because they don’t understand. I find myself crying all the time, and I have become really depressed, just feeling weak and hopeless, and feeling like there is no end to this feeling. I don’t take medication because I hate the way it makes me feels. I am so lost and scared, and just tired of feeling this way. Everyday, I wake up and try to be happy and thankful, but then I’ll have a pain or some health issue, and then it sets off the anxiety again. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to take this.

[Gidget1]

I can relate to everything you said. I am stuck on a racetrack going 180 mph and there’s no exit ramp except for medication. I was afraid of addiction but I can’t function without them. So, I’m terrified of running out. And, obsessive about all of it. It is ruling and crushing my like. I want to get out of myself but there’s no where to go.

[stovall1992 in reply to Gidget1]

I understand. I am sensitive to medications, and have a really bad experience taking some one time, which has scared me into taking it. My doctor first prescribed me Lexapro and Celaxa, but I was too afraid of being addicted, so I didn’t take it. This time, after my panic attack, the ER doctor gave me Ativan, and told me to take it 3 times a day, which I thought was a lot. I talked to some people in the medical field about it, and they were surprised that the doctor gave me that much, considering that Benzos can be very addicted, and the withdrawal symptoms are terrible. I tried out the Ativan, but hated the way it made me feels, so right now, i’m not taking any medications. I drink this anti-stress magnesium drink at night, which helps sometimes, but then i’ll wake up with anxiety, thinking about if I’m going to feel bad again today, and having to deal with the anxiety symptoms. i feel like i’m going crazy, and some days, i don’t even feel like waking up. I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to live like this either.

[Hidden]

Hi Stovall

I am truly sorry you feel not just anxiety, but you feel isolated too. I can tell you that finding a supportive friend to help with anxiety is like finding the needle in the haystack. I list out some things here that I hope will be helpful to you:

1)There are a lot of resources available nowadays that I encourage you to look at. The frightening thoughts are sometimes referred to as "intrusive thoughts" or "unwanted thoughts". Googling these terms should help you find information about them. They also sometimes fall into the OCD diagnosis, so don't let this scare you, but look at it as information that can help you understand and cope.

2)Of course, get exercise as best you can and eat as well as possible. Physical symptoms of poor diet and lack of exercise can make our anxieties worse.

3)Meditate, meditate, meditate. Develop a habit of putting aside some time each day for you to close your eyes and do a meditation. There is an app that I use called Insight TImer and I found meditations on there for relaxation and stress/pressure reduction.

4)Don't worry if your thoughts and anxiety get worse during this time. It's called "backdraft" and everyone experiences this. Think of how a candle flame burns much brighter just as it has the last bit of oxygen. When you make strides towards accepting anxiety it may increase its grip on your feelings and emotions. Know that this happens and you can move through highly intense experiences.

5)Be brave and face your fear. Acknowledge it and accept it. When I was younger I was terrified of what others thought of me and I was frightened of embarrassing myself or being humiliated. I still am to a certain degree at times. (I'm 57). But I understand the fear and this helps with coping.

6)Download the Audible app to your phone (assuming you have a smartphone) and get audio copies of DARE by Barry McDonagh. Also try Claire Weekes books. Look into other books that you can listen to that will help you understand your feelings and how to cope with them.

It takes time to learn about anxiety. As you get more information you get more knowledge. Then you get more understanding. Then you get more tools to help you.

You're already a brave and courageous person. Keep at it.

Bat.

[stovall1992 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so very much. This is much needed information. I’m and trying to work on accepting my anxiety, and find ways to push through it. Those negative and scary thoughts keep rising in my head, and I need to keep pushing them away. I will definitely download the app you mentioned and look up the books by Claire Weekes and Barry McDonagh. I really appreciate your kind words. I am can be strong and brave, I just need to remind myself it.

[Hidden in reply to stovall1992]

The impulse is to push the thoughts away. That is normal. But don't push them away. Think of them as a movie that you are watching. Just them be. They come and go. The more you push them away, the more they come back. They are energy and if you practice letting them be, they die down after a while. I get frightening thoughts at times and I think, "Ok, you're here. You're just a thought. You're not real. Let me see how weird this thought can get and maybe I can turn it into a movie script".

[stovall1992 in reply to Hidden]

That’s very true. The more I do try to push it away, the harder it does come back. I just want them to stop so badly, I do whatever I can think of to get rid of them. But I guess if you let them be, then their power will decrease eventually.