Anxious . Menstrual cycle . Relationship worry.

[hippieebbbz09]

Hi

I have to vent . Idk why I feel like such a coward for not telling my boyfriend that I love him. We've been dating for at least a year now & this feeling has been in my heart for him for a while. I've been pushing him away though , afraid he won't say it back & thinking on my past , where I told an ex " I love you " & he said it too , but he cheated on me. I'm so afraid that my new bf could be like every other jerk , even though I know he isn't. I've been acting weird around him , bottling this up. I want to come out & vent to him yet, every moment we have together , I get tongue tied. Plus my period is on & im having all these mood swings & im hyperventilating randomly . I want to not only relax but to be able to share my feelings with him & say that I love him without being a coward. Advice? 

[TheHistoricalPresent]

Go for it! You are most of the way there, you acknowledge and own that you past experiences and fears are preventing....dammt, my keyoard s msehavng... restart compter and fnsh my comment!!

[hippieebbbz09 in reply to TheHistoricalPresent]

Lol that's fine! Thanks for the advice . I'll tell him . Lol screw my anxiety & expectations..I'd rather say how I'd feel 

[Hidden]

Hi, you are not going to know how he truly feels about you unless you tell him how you feel. I know you've been hurt before but he's not your ex and he could be the one. From my own experience I know that relationships must be based on trust and honesty if they are to last.

What do you do to relax? Your hyperventilating may be because of you being anxious, but it may be worthwhile getting that checked out. If you haven't tried already I'd suggest trying some relaxation exercises or mindfulness. I've found these have helped me.

Take care

[hippieebbbz09 in reply to Hidden]

Yes . I haven't tried any breathing techniques but I should . :/ lol . I'm fine now , but around me PMS'ing ...I can hyperventilate. It's definitely something I should tell my counselor about . Thank you for the advice , by the way! I'll tell him .

[Hidden in reply to hippieebbbz09]

I find writing down a list of things I want to say when I see my doctor helps, that way I don't get flustered and forget when I am there.

Take care.

[Hidden]

Hello

Love should be a unconditional thing and so that means if we love someone and they don't love us back or say it back we still love them

You cannot keep judging this relationship on any you have had in the past , this is a different person and by holding back you are possibly making him suffer for something he has not done but was someone else's error which he does not deserve and could potentially push him away if you were to continue to do so 

Someone said to me if someone cheats on you what have you lost as they were obviously not the person you thought they were so best rid of them which I had to agree and yet we can spend so much time worrying about and not enjoying something that could be good through fear so I would enjoy what you have now , tell this person you love them if you do , do not have expectations in their reply but say it because you feel it and want to

Take Care x

 

[hippieebbbz09 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Bounce! That's what I needed to see. You're right. I need to heal by letting go of my past issues & enjoy who I have now . 

[Booblet]

Life is far too short to have and to worry about these thoughts your having: I know that you have been hurt in the past, however, ask yourself this,   "what do you think the consequences will be if you go along with these negative thoughts?"

 Remember we (that is BOTH women and men) are all INDIVIDUALS .......WE are all different, have different feelings, anxieties, personalities ect....

You mentioned in your post, quote, "I'm so afraid that my new bf could be like every other jerk, EVEN THOUGH HE IS'NT.....". Does that not tell you something??

I think like many of us women with PMT...anxiety, mood swings ect are a worry.... and certain issues can seem overwhelming.  Why don't you wait until your PMT is over and then tell him......You don't have anything to loose but so, so much to gain...I have a good feeling about this......

Ollybear

[hippieebbbz09 in reply to Booblet]

Aw thank you ollybear! You're right . This is such a positive feeling I have , for once , for someone . But yes, me waiting until my pms goes away would help lol I got soooo anxious over thinking about this 😂 . That's amazing you have a good feeling on this lol me too 😊

[hippieebbbz09]

The love & honest advice I have received in this post is amazing . Thank you all . I'll read each & every post . But in a nutshell, I know I need to shake off the past & my anxiety & tell my bf how I feel ! I'm excited to do so , too !! I'll update on how things went ! Thanks again 

[Hidden in reply to hippieebbbz09]

You only live once so try not to have to many regrets of what could have been but fear got in the way and remember sometimes we have to go through things even things that hurt to make us more able to deal with life , it is a learning kerb and sometimes the things that hurt us most we learn more from 

Good luck with everything , what is meant to be will be as they say x

[hippieebbbz09 in reply to Hidden]

So true! I'm tired of anxiety trying to hold me back from going after what I want or saying how I feel . Not anymore 😊😊 :))

[TheHistoricalPresent]

I think if you love someone — you love them (whether you tell them or not). And If they leave, it will hurt just as much even if you never voiced it. We don't score any "heart-protection points" by acting aloof. And anyone who looks down on you for baring you heart — they may not be the right person for you anyway. 

It's okay to love even when it isn't returned too (not saying that's the case here!). Love is one of those wonderful things  that we have an infinite supply of.

It's also important to never punish your current, great partner becasue your ex was terrible. 

[Agora1 in reply to TheHistoricalPresent]

Beautiful,  so well said.  x

[hippieebbbz09 in reply to TheHistoricalPresent]

This is true. I probably don't even have to say it, he feels it. Lol but yes I don't want to push him away so not even going to think on my past anymore .. That's over with 😊

[Edatis]

Hi!  Tell him how you feel don't be afraid.  Everyone is not the same.  Give yourself that chance again ..of course being on your cycle just makes it the more difficult to do since you don't feel yourself.  Try to put that aside and go for it.  Good Luck!