Why im feeling this way? Anxiety vs relationship..?

[LadyCourtessa]

i dont want my anxiety to be affecting my relationship with my BF but nowadays my mind keeps saying that he probably cheating on me although he never gives me reason to doubt him. But my mind keeps creating scenario that unlikely to happen.. and im so scared to even go anywhere. my mind keep saying 'what if' u saw him with another woman here? 'what if' u saw him with anther woman there. Although to reason to my stupid idea hes not the type to hangout here and there. Hes the 'home' type. if hes free stay at home or his room. even if small things happened i will question his love for me. I will be like ' does he love me' or does he really love me?' ... i know within my heart that he loves me so much and planning a future together but nowadays my mind is stronger than my heart. my mind overpowering my heart and leaves me with mood swing and doubt and scared. What should i do? im tired...

[Yessiflower]

I've had health anxiety since 2012 and I can't seem to have a stable relationship ever because of it, the "what if's" always ruin it. Please don't let this happen to you enjoy your relationship that seems amazing and talk to anxiety as if it was a person in front of you tell it that you're stronger and it won't beat you. Keep doing it until it sticks in your head.

[LadyCourtessa in reply to Yessiflower]

Im sorry about that but how do i manage myself? I really don't want anything to ruin my relationship

[Yessiflower in reply to LadyCourtessa]

Take a deep breath and count from 10 to 1 everytime you think of it. Tell yourself everything is okay let yourself be happy , this is mental it's not real that's the good thing, so battle your own brain if you say things won't be okay then you'll feel like that if you say things will be okay then you will feel like everything's okay. Your brain can be your worst and best friend. I don't know if this might work with you but when I feel like my brain is driving me crazy I drink a tea at night and distract myself with what I love the most, like a hobbie. Your relationship is great so get that in your head.

[LadyCourtessa in reply to Yessiflower]

thank u so much for the tips... i will definitely try that... its true about do what i love most.. i love cooking and when i cook i forget everything

[Yessiflower in reply to LadyCourtessa]

Cook , watch cooking videos, do whatever it takes. Just don't let anxiety take over. You're very welcome by the way.

[Hidden in reply to LadyCourtessa]

How about pretending to yourself that each day you wake up it may well be the LAST day of your LIFE -

And if that were the case you'd want to MAKE THE VERY MOST OF IT - It also sounds like you're suffering from Abandonment issues - either your parents were in danger of breaking up, broke up, or weren't completely faithful - or basically weren't there for you at some of the most important times in your life - How about considering joining a local Buddhist meditation group and also a bit of psychotherapy to deal with your own low Self Worth - usually our core reasons for obsessively questioning a partner's fidelity and loyalty starts with self and how much we value and respect self - We have to deal with any of our own insecurities - we can't AFFORD to be SO afraid of hacking it all on our own - that we're willing to settle for being with someone rather than being alone - We ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO KNOW we can MAKE IT on our OWN as and when the need arises -

We JUST can't be willing to be a sitting duck to someone coming along who thinks they've got you over a barrel because you're too afraid of being left -

THAT is NO way to be living AND it's the PERFECT recipe for DISASTER - they've got A ROPE around your neck straight away. When someone sees you're too frightened of being abandoned they know they can get away with murder. And worse still we then allow them to get away with murder for fear if we say how we're really feeling they'll be annoyed, offended or worse.

I'd prefer to be ALONE than settle for someone who'se got me over a barrel - I did it THREE times and NEVER again. Since then I've recognised I'm worth MORE than that. I'm sure you are too - Perhaps think about Assertive Training Courses to put you on the right track ((Hug)) x

[LadyCourtessa in reply to Hidden]

thank you for the advise and replly... I cant afford to lose him.. he makes my life better since im with him.. this is just me and my anxiety so i have to fight for myself and deal with myself

[Hidden in reply to LadyCourtessa]

I see you have mentioned your BF has a close female friend - it sounds to me that your gut feeling is already trying to nudge you out of denial - If you find it hard to go out there will come a time when a close relationship with someone who DOES and LIKES going out - will suffer and likely breakdown -maybe it's convenient for him to have someone on a string always there - never going anywhere - always around waiting for him - perhaps it strokes his ego to have more than one woman 'friend' there for him - This doesn't sound like any kind of life living on the edge - I can't help thinking your anxieties and dare I say depression is a product of some kind of traumatic event you haven't had the chance to investigate - have you been prescribed any medication?

[LadyCourtessa in reply to Hidden]

Yes.. Psychiatrist prescribe me with anti depressant.. And anxiety meds..

[Hidden in reply to LadyCourtessa]

It sounds like at the bottom of all of this was some kind of traumatic event that has triggered your recent symptoms, panic and anxiety attacks and over obsessing - They tell us that something in the here and now can trigger symptoms that we need to trace way back to childhood when something similar occurred but we were too scared or it just wasn't safe to talk about it- I did a body treatment that was researched originally by someone called Wilhelm R- which was then modified by a physiotherapist called Gerda Boyesen - I had this treatment for past trauma - our bodies store traumatic events within the muscle and body tissue and needs to be unloaded and this kind of body work does just that - Our bodies continue reinacting certain events until we manage to resolve them - go back and make sense of it - the night my first body treatment I dreamt of my late father who'd died when I was about 7 - and I'd never dreamed of him ever before - He was a frightening man whom I never even went to live with till I was about three when flown out to rejoin a couple of strangers called 'mummy ' and 'daddy' out in S Africa - And the strange thing was that after my mother died i found a picture of my father and realised my second relationship looked rather similar to him and big with it- in contrast to my first who was smaller and meaner! Years ago speaking to a Vietnam veteran he rightly told me 'the worst thing you can do to a trauma case is to medicate - because it leaves you like a simmering pressure cooker - which I suggest is where you are now - It was only once I removed all my medication that I could finally trace back where my physical symptoms were coming from and what I needed to be dealing with -It is our INNER CHILD that hasn't been heard or listened to or believed - and until we pay attention to our own Inner Child then our Mind Body & Spirit will continue to feel disintegrated and fractured - and medication fractures the self - I didn't know who I was with, nor could I work out if I was safe or not with them - when I got off though I began to see a whole lot more clearly. ((Hugs))x

[Hidden]

Furthermore I was forced to self diagnose my own Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which took a long time getting access to someone who finally confirmed what I'd said was actually true! DEPRESSION is in fact the overriding primary symptom that too often is treated as just that rather than investigating what is actually lying underneath and where it all originated!