Worry & fear......again

[kama24]

I finally got an appointment with the endocrinologist after a 6 month wait. A growth on my adrenal gland showed up when I had a CAT scan and an abdominal ultra sound last May. I wake each morning (when cortisol levels are highest) shaking and fearful...of what I cannot put a finger on! It is awful to be "terrified" and unable to control it or reason out logic. My husband is going in with me to the specialist. I am terrified it could be cancer, and terrified I will need surgery. I realize that every day millions of people are hospitalized, and often for very serious issues. Here I am, a coward who cannot control her own thoughts. I guess I am just posting this to "vent". Has anyone else ever been terrified of going in the hospital but did get through it? I know I have the cart before the horse....I need to hear what the doctor says Thurs. but of course I'm already in "worse case scenario". Thank you for "listening".

[Agora1]

kama24, the wait is actually the worse part because of all we build up in our minds. Right now there is nothing you can do that will change what the doctor will have to say to you on Thursday. I'm glad your husband will be with you for emotional support. You are going to have to pull up a deep inner strength, we all have it. Good Luck on Thursday, please let us know how it went. kama, you can do this. Come to the forum as much as you need to for support. We are here for you and others at their hardest times. You are never alone. xxx

[kama24 in reply to Agora1]

Hi Agora, thanks for your kind words.....what will be will be....just wish I was a normal "brave" person!! I find the forum a source of "strength". I will let you know what the specialist says and what he wants to do about this growth. I wish it was external and could just be removed with freezing....like a wart I will try not to get to far ahead of myself in thoughts.

[Agora1 in reply to kama24]

kama24, I hope hearing the response from lulu-1 makes you know we are never alone in our suffering and fears. Not getting too far ahead of your thoughts is the right way to go. I wish both of you well. xx

[kama24 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you for your support. As my dear mother used to say....take it one day at a time. If I have a good "moment or 2 I rejoice in it"....It's the unknown that can play games with your mind. Come Thurs we will have more answers.

[Agora1 in reply to kama24]

Your mother was a wise woman kama. At times like this it helps remembering her words. xx

[Hidden]

Hello

I feel your anxiety for you at the moment

When life is normal what ever that may be I can talk and think sense when something comes along that fills me full of fear then sense and reason go out the window !

I am in a similar kind of situation as you at the moment , been having problems and they sent of for some blood tests which I am dreading the results feel sick to my stomach , thoughts negative in my head every minute of every day and than I have a scan on Thursday !

Each day I feel I just cannot bear this any longer !

I have had situations like this in the past and everything has turned out fine but of course the anxiety says yes but this time it could be different and the fear freezes you to the spot !

Everything everyone says is sense but it is like nothing will go in and you struggle to find that inner strength in fact you feel you don't have any at all it is not till we get through these things we realise we did !

I doubt if this reply will be helpful but I just wanted to let you know you are not on your own feeling the way as you do at the moment there is someone else feeling exactly the same me

Let us know how you get on , will be thinking about you

Take Care x

[kama24 in reply to Hidden]

I hear you totally about when things are good they are very very good, but just one happening can cause an explosion of anxiety, fear and doubt. The "what ifs" get to us. You and I will both be facing things on Thursday! I have only had 2 minor surgeries in my many years. They were 15 and 25 yrs ago. I had a panic attack on the OR table.....they thought I was cold and gave me a warm blanket....I was shaking IN FEAR not cold. I will say most are far more educated now about mental health....I hope!! The last visit to my cardiologist I was "out of control", shaking and crying...so embarrassing. If my panic IS from the growth on my adrenal gland then maybe meds can help in lieu of surgery, though I'm sure they will want to keep track of the size of the growth. Maybe they can do a need biopsy with just freezing?? lol maybe I can have it done by proxy lol It does help so much to know I am not the only person in the world who deals with fear and anxiety. My family try to understand but they live a far different life than me, and I'm happy they do. I will post after home from the doctors Thus. You too stay brave, we will battle this together.

[Hidden in reply to kama24]

Bless you , I do no how you feel and yes we will l battle this together but when you feel there is only you feeling this bad at the moment remember there is me to and sometimes even though you don't wish this on your worse enemy it can be a comfort to know someone else is dealing with the exact same fear

Let me know how you get on and I will to x

[kama24 in reply to Hidden]

Often we feel that we are totally alone, then comes a ray of sunshine telling us there are others who truly understand! It means so much.

[Hidden in reply to kama24]

I think it is meant to be sometimes and this is what is so good about these sites we never have to feel alone x

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

lulu-1 I think it helps both of you at this time to share your fears regarding what is going on right now. They are so similar and only the both of you can truly understand what it is like at the moment. Knowing we are not alone can help us take that one step at a time. wishing you both well. xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

I agree Agora1 but as always you are a blessing with your support x

[Jeff1943]

Kama, the odds are still heavily in your favour because most adrenal growths are benign. The chances of a malignant adrenal growth are 1 or 2 in one million of the general population. Doc Google can be helpful sometimes.

Stay positive, if this growth was identified last May why have they waited 6 months before calling you in to talk to a specialist? If it was serious they would have intervened by now surely.

[kama24 in reply to Jeff1943]

Hi Jeff, the growth was found after an ultra sound and again in a CAT scan. We have one endocrinologist in our city and a 6 month wait is the norm. They found ...finalllllllly....the high cortisol levels when they sent me for early morning blood work...then the CAT and ultra sound. I kept wondering how much it was growing every month. I do hope they do a follow up and compare the size to last May. If surgery is needed I'm not sure how they will get me to walk through those hospital doors!!! I guess I'll know more this Thursday.

[Jeff1943]

Kama24, I still find it hard to believe they would keep you waiting 6 months if the scans indicated a possibility of cancer. Whatever the result you will be fine, as I often say be glad you are living in the 21st century and medical science is now so very advanced, they will fix it and all will be well.

[kama24 in reply to Jeff1943]

Welcome to small town Ontario Canada!!! My family MD "felt" it was not cancerous...I truly hope he is right. They only put a "rush" on cases they feel are urgent. I guess they don't feel that daily fear and anxiety are considered urgent. Both the CAT scan and abdominal ultra sound showed the "nodule". Thanks for your kind words. I just have to somehow find a way to control the overwhelming fear I have of hospitals and surgery!