I have this flask I use for keeping water ice cold cause it helps to get water down me because I suffer from this disease called Achalasia where my esophagus isn't working properly anyway anyway I don't clean it enough and I get this sickness just like a tummy bug where I cant keep nothing down. I am usually on the ball but I get days where I am so down through dehydration or depression and the days blend into weeks and time just passes so quickly.
Friday tomorrow lets see if the chemist gives me my Valium because I been ticking all the boxes to get my meds and then complaining the still giving me meds I don't want silly but thats whats been happening .
Feeling a bit better but bottom of legs aching must move around more or I will be dying of blood clots or thrombosis I think its called.
Hope your all well will get back to you all laters.
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Dodo777
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Hi Dodo, I'm sorry you are feeling ill today. You are right that the flask you keep your water in, does needs to be washed out frequently or bacteria grows. More so if you
drink from the flask and are not pouring the water in a glass. But I understand, when
feeling so bad all the time, one day goes into another and time has a way of passing quickly. I understand about your legs aching. I have problems with the back of the thighs aching and just feeling bad all the time. It is important to move around.
Since I am agoraphobic, my exercise is going up and down the steps to wash clothes as
well as to use the computer which is in the basement. This forum has become something I look forward to. A lifeline per se. I wish you well my friend. Take care.
You would think I would learn because its the most unpleasant feeling and it takes me a while to get over and I cant afford to get dehydrated by being sick and suffering the Achalasia disease.
Yes I have found myself on here everyday to communicate it can get a bit lonely at times. My fear of going out didn't last long but it was horrible feeling. I could take the bins out it got so bad. I was a wreck. I still get the feeling but I have control over it now.
My biggest phobia is when I see someone I know and they try and stop to talk hate it. I get so nervous.
I'm sorry that your childhood was like that. As for myself,
no I wasn't bullied, but very over protected, so much so that I couldn't think for myself. Now I'm afraid of everything and afraid of making mistakes. Childhood has so much to do with our feelings as an adult.
O I do know this believe me. My Dad was all for my sisters and they both doing really well I on the other hand is a mess with so many issues over the years. I think though I do blame my parents way to much. I made my own choices in life and they wasn't good ones. I was so angry then anger turned into very bad nerves like panic attacks and the fear of dying of a heart attack then paranoid and now depression and social phobia kind of thing. My mental health issues started in 1982 when it snowed really bad in a January I will never forget it. The fear came over me like if someone pulled a pin out of a hand grenade in the room and I was waiting for it to go off those seconds turned into minutes and so it began.
People where I live are so judgemental. I think if they lived my life what they would be like.
I used to worry a lot about what people thought but I really don't care now. I know there are things I could cope with and they couldn't.
I wish I was living in America , Alaska wooden cabin a dog and myself living off the land. When I was an kid I used to dream of waking up and everyone had disappeared and what I would do. Mad in it ?
The fear is so real, so deeply embedded in our minds. I too have made some poor choices in my life. I always felt that after I went on my own, that my mother wasn't pleased with anything I did. I was told over and over as a youngster to always present myself properly.
It was very important to my mom and so I worried about what people thought of me.
It is sad. Because in midlife I became a very outgoing person. That's when I became a paramedic. Had no fears at that time. My mother never acknowledged my achieving that, instead she introduced me as the daughter who couldn't make it in nursing school. Dodo,
I wasn't interested in (at that time) sitting
behind a desk. I wanted to be with the patient in an emergency situation when they needed me most. Go figure.
The last 6 years I have been severely anxious as well as agoraphobic. But I'd say my anxiety was there when I was in my twenties after leaving my parents. I was placed on a small dose of Xanax and made it through 30 years before feeling withdrawal symptoms. From there, I went downhill.
The anxiety won't leave me alone. Everyday I walk around in the house saying to myself, "what do you want from me".
I know its like a black cloud that will not go away. I feel sorry for people who has just got his anxiety and they ask how long will it last. I will not say I have had it for nearly 40 years but you can find peace of mind well I did and that was when I meditate but since the Asthma attack I just haven't had it in me to do it again even though I know it puts me in a good place. Can it be self torture ? LOL I don't know but I gotta do it soon because my anxiety levels are rising to bad levels again.
Always, everyday. When I wake up, I am filled with terror. I immediately put on my headphones and listen to meditation tape.
I also listen to it at night in bed if I am having trouble falling asleep. When it's really bad, I have a unit that plays CDs, I crank it up so that I can hear it throughout the house.
Good Morning....I wish I could say I was fine and it's going to be a good day. I'm just so scared and crying right now. The mornings are terrifying to me. I have to take my anorexic daughter for a bone scan and blood tests today. I have all I can do to take care of myself and having the responsibility of her when agoraphobic is scary. She does not understand or support me with the anxiety, so that is yet another issue to deal with. I will gather myself together the best I can, stop crying and put on a brave face for her. Enough of me now.....
What's happening with you today?
I have also been wondering what the meaning is behind your picture? I can only guess. Wishing you better moments in the day.
Your Mam sound a bitter woman and done more damage than she knows. I know my mother had MH issues she's dead now but I was wondering how can I find out if she was diagnosed with a MH disorder ? I only found she was a prostitute a ten years ago when my uncle told me I was absolutely shocked because she acted so upper class I feel sorry for her she went through alot but man was she dangerous stabbed my sister in the bum with a potato knife cut me with a carver she could of went to prison but she fooled everyone because the way she dressed and talked. . Mothers or some rather can do terrible damage specially if they dont show love or incapable of giving it.
I feel you need confidence which I am very short of and I think thats where agoraphobia starts by having no belief in ones self. Do you think you might be lacking in confidence Agora1 ?
No, the confidence is there. My mother passed away 6 years ago. For the first time in my life, I've had to depend on myself in making the right decisions. I'm getting there. My heart goes out to you Dodo. You must have been afraid to go to sleep at night. The never knowing what is going to happen next was true in your situation. It just wasn't a "what if" symptom. I am so very sorry. No one at any age should have to suffer from physical or mental abuse. Is your sister okay as an adult? I'm glad that you reached out to this support group. I hope that in some small way it helps you emotionally.
It's funny you say that because just last week, I asked my therapist in our phone session if we could back up a little. Instead of her keep pushing me to go ahead, I feel something is stopping me. I did ask her if she thought it might be PTSD. She didn't answer.
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Just a bit sick sometimes
I'm sooooo sick of this feeling
Scared Sick, Please Help!!! 
On my cheat day I feel sick to the point of vomiting 🤮 
I'm so sick of Anxiety
