Son just came in asking to borrow more money

[Dodo777]

My nerves are in bits at this moment in time My boy just asked to borrow more money .He gets paid today and got most out just now I could of went to post office but that would of ment another 3 miles out of the way so I lent him £30 for wine and fags because there are a few in a house enjoying the night and I ain't going to spoil his fun no matter what but on the way back I hit a bloody seagull I heard a thud I could slam on the brakes because the roads are like ice ring I doubled back and there was no sign what so ever so hope fully he or she have survived. I will look again tomorrow morning. I hate hurt animals specially being run over.

O well lets try and relax hope the adrenalin wears off. He is hard work but I like spoiling him . So my fault not his.

[Hidden]

That's really helpful, not.

[Dodo777 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Jill How you Keeping today I hope your well let me know will you ?

[Hidden in reply to Dodo777]

Hi there, I'm ok thanks, how you today?

[stde]

Exactly.....

Sadly by spoil ing him this way you are leading him on the path to self destruct.

Really sorry about this post but someone has to say...

Be cruel to be kind, or pick up the pieces ...

[Dodo777 in reply to stde]

I know I really do but a lot has happened. My son thought I was going to die seeing me fighting to breathe last week I know it spooked him a lot. He keeps saying if you go Dad I will have nobody. His mother hasn't a materal bone in her body and that came out of her mouth she is quite a callous person so I must play both parts and I haven't the parenting tools because I come from a very abusive family So I must feel my way around if you know what I mean but he's getting slowly.

[Fifi_coren in reply to Dodo777]

It upset me reading this.... that other users who are meant to be offering support made you feel as though you had to explain yourself. Even extending as far talking about your personal experience of family life. 

I can see this is a couple months old so I hope things are better/easier for both you and your son. 

Being a parent is hard at the best of times let alone when having to parent from both angles (mother & father) 

My daughter is only 3 so I'm still getting used to being mommy but ive plenty experience with my 11 niece's & nephews ageing from 17 down to 18 months. It's hard sometimes to find that balance between being a friend to them or an appropriate adult who sets down the law. Especially when we feel we need to compensate for their emotional struggles.

You talked about your son getting paid so I'm assuming he's of working age meaning he's old enough to make his own decisions about smoking or drinking. 

Yes I agree it's not ideal to buy ur son ciggs and alcohol but he's your son.. you parent him, you feed him, clothe him, love and support him. Don't explain yourself to anyone.  

Whatever your situation, I hope it settles down and you find the strength emotionally to say no to your son without that guilt trip coming by and telling you that you need to spoil him. 

Best wishes 

[Dodo777 in reply to Fifi_coren]

Thanks Fifi so true.

[Dodo777]

I know and its stopping this is the most he had ever borrowed and its the last time far to many things can go wrong and my rainy day money could go up smoke and booze lol.

I think last night I was on one of my high anxieties because I haven't slept tidy for a long while but feel so much better now and there will be order back in my life.