Anxious about boyfriend going out.

[Rpatrice]

Recently, my boyfriend told me he has plans of going out with his friends to this island where you pretty much go to just to get drunk. i won't be able to go because of family obligations. The thought of him going is making me go insane! The thoughts in my head aren't stopping. "What if he meets someone else?" "What if the alcohol makes him do unfaithful things" "his friends are going to push him to do unfaithful things because they don't care that he's in a relationship" "what if he does something, then he hides it from me and I'm the one that looks stupid for months"... All of these are making me physically sick. He's being such a sweetheart and trying to reassure me that everything is going to be okay. He's going to stay faithful because he's happy with me. The problem is me... I can't stop feeling anxious no matter what he says to me. I don't wanna nag and accuse because I know that I'll push him away. I'm trying to make plans with other people while he's gone but because it's so last minute, everyone else is already busy. It's like I'm waiting for him to say something to get rid of everything I'm feeling but I know that him saying "okay I'm not going and I'll just stay home" is the only way to make me feel better. Which is NOT fair! At all! I just wanna stop feeling like this. I feel so pathetic that I'm this jealous!

[BettyA]

This isn't really about anxiety... but about relationships. However, I think most of us have 'been there, done that' ... so I'll just tell you a bit about what Life eventually teaches you.

You cannot and will not ever have a good, solid relationship with anyone if you are dependent on THEM making you feel secure. You admitted that this is 'not fair'...and you are right... It's not that you 'want' to be that way...I know that. I am sure you are a very nice person... It's NOT about 'finding someone you can trust'.... that is a cover up for how a person feels about themselves.

PS: being 'anxious' about something is in a way different ball park than actually having Anxiety to deal with. Good luck to you.

[Rpatrice in reply to BettyA]

I'm sorry, you're right the post made it seem more like a relationship rant than anxiety related.. But because of this situation today that it triggered an attack for me. but you are absolutely right. And I'm trying so hard to depend on myself for my happiness.. But because of my anxiety, everything negative just seems to be exaggerated 10x and I can't handle it. I'm not trying to sound whiny, it's just how I feel.

[Kirsty456 in reply to Rpatrice]

Thing is you carnt always relay on bf partners husbands wife's to be ur security

U need to deal with it in ur own head

Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh but I wanted my bf to stay we me 24/7 but unfortunately it doesn't work like that they need there life too

And we need to learn to des with the anexity and not always really on our loved ones xxx

[Rpatrice in reply to Kirsty456]

I completely agree with you. And I didn't think that was harsh, I know it was the cold hard truth. So I guess now, I wanna ask.. What can I do to help myself through this? Advice on what I can do to deal with the problems i have within myself

[Kirsty456 in reply to Rpatrice]

Are you on meds or getting councilling

I found once I accepted it that it helps it's now part of my life n probably here for good get good days n get bad days

I used to run to gp at ever new symptom n this site has helped me loads coz ya not alone even though you feel like you are

Xx

[Rpatrice in reply to Kirsty456]

Yes, I'm going through counseling and I just got off medication because of all the negative effects they were having on me.

[Kirsty456 in reply to Rpatrice]

That's it with medication I'm going through a similar thing w meds and headaches nothing works or if it does get the side affects so cold turkey w em at min

[Hidden]

Hello

Jealousy is a human emotion we all feel it at some time but then it is what we do with it

If we don't keep it under control we can push people away so you are doing the right thing letting him go on this outing

All the worrying in the world will not stop whatever is going to happen but what it is doing is making you feel so ill and when it is all over and he is back you will have made yourself ill for nothing also I would try & think like this , no matter where he goes and who he is with he has a mind of his own and he knows what is right from wrong and he knows how to say " no" no one can force him to do anything he does not want to so if he did would you not sooner find out now that he had that kind of weakness and is therefore not the person you would want to spend the rest of your life with ? or would you rather let him go and find out that all these thoughts you are having are totally unjustified and you have a good man there ..either way you cannot loose , you will either have a narrow escape if he is unfaithful or you will find as I say you have a keeper someone worth putting your time and devotion to

It can be hard to not feel as you do but try & rationalize it and when the thoughts come into your mind throw them back out telling yourself you are not going to listen

It is a shame you have no friends at such short notice to do something with but you can spend the time spoiling yourself , maybe have a pampering time doing your nails and things or watching a nice movie , think of things you enjoy doing and splash out a little on yourself x

[Rpatrice in reply to Hidden]

You have honestly opened my eyes to so much I have never ever felt better than I did after reading your response! Thank you so much: you have no idea what kind of realization you just made me have and you have no idea how much that means to me.

[kimc]

Hi, I had been there before, and it's a controlling problem that... I don't want to admitted. But, later I relized you are together but you have to have your own life and the bf does too that he can be able do things with his friends as he used to.

So, why not you? You can depend on yourself by doing thing likes see your family, friends, shopping and get your own hobby going. Guys respect us more, when you let them do their own things and vs... not always depend on them. If guys aren't care and love you anymore, they would do whatever and whenever they want to do, and be honest you don't care and don't want him either if he no longer love you.

We don't own one of another...love is made another one happy not tie them up.

Be confident about yourself, love is a give not always take.

Be strong for yourself and you would be alright

Good lucks.

[kitcat49]

Ask yourself this.." Is this really how I want my life to be ?" THINK !! Sort out a difinitive plan for your future...NOW is the BEGINNING of your future. ( I ended up living 33 yrs with an alcoholic , it just about destroyed me and it did alot of harm phycologically to our 3 children. He was killed in a drunken car accident 12 yrs ago.)

[kimc]

Kitcat, I feel for you...we were young once. Now, we wish we can change the past.

Good lucks to you.