It all started over two months ago when I had my first panic attack from smoking weed, ever since then my life has changed dramatically, I started to get physical symptoms such as lightheaded, dizziness, heart palpitations, feeling off balance, nausea, etc.
I immediately went to doctors and was given diazepam for it, I took that for 5 days but it made me feel much worse so I stopped it.
I've gone to and from the doctors several times since then, only to be told it's anxiety every single time, and recently I have somehow developed tinnitus in my left ear out of nowhere and it's not helping at all.
A month later I decided to start therapy, which I was then diagnosed with GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder) to help me using CBT and some of the physical symptoms have now stopped but now some others have surfaced.
I think I am suffering from depersonalisation, most likely caused by the weed, I look at things and see them differently, I don't recognise myself in the mirror, I have no emotions whatsoever, I cannot smile, laugh or get angry. I cry sometimes, but I feel nothing, just emptiness, which I think is caused by the depression, I have a severe memory loss problem where I cannot remember much even the things I done today.
Also, I have this problem where I am now overthinking everything, before I used to worry but since the physical symptoms have dissapeared, now it's as if I don't care about anything, (I obviously do since I'm writing this but it feels as if I don't with the lack of emotions) I keep rehearsing conversations in my head that I will never have, and I cannot stop it. All day through my mind my thoughts do not stop, no matter what I try, I never used to be like this. It also feels like I have brain fog sometimes where I cannot think at all no matter how hard I try.
I feel so hopeless, I just want to live my life how I used to and enjoy myself, I look at pictures of how I used to be and start crying because I think I will never return to that person.
I keep a diary of the things I think which my therapist told me to do, and I'm trying to challenge negative thoughts which pop into my head but nothing seems to be working.
I feel as though my personality has changed, I no longer enjoy anything I used to and have no ambitions, goals, or anything.
I cannot think of anything other than the problems I am going through, no other thoughts pop into my head, it feels as if though I am brain dead, like a zombie but somehow functioning.
I keep thinking that I have a mental illness or an underlying physical condition that they have missed, because I cannot believe all of this is down to anxiety.
I have been hospital for blood tests, X-Ray's, CT Scan, ECG, Blood Pressure, everything comes back normal.
I don't know what to do anymore, I'm not enjoying my life, I feel as though days are just passing by and I'm here wasting my time when I used to enjoy my life.
I feel as though the mistake of smoking weed has ruined my life and I don't know what to do or how long of my life this is going to take up if I do eventually recover from this.
Sorry for the long post, I have so much more to say but I just don't know what to do.
Also, right now, as I am writing this it feels as though I'm somewhat back to normal, is that because I'm writing out what I'm feeling/thinking? That's what makes me feel like I have a mental illness, because my mood keeps switching, not manic but normal, I don't believe I am bipolar, I just don't know, I'm overthinking everything.
Something else which I have noticed or believe I have noticed is that my inner monologue seems to have gotten quieter, before it was more noticeable but now it feels like it's running in the background kind of, I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm scared. I would've never thought this would be happening to me.
I want to be back to normal.
Depersonalisation and derealisation
Existential crisis + severe anxiety and depression
