I am scared

[azxoiu]

I am Chinese, and I am currently in Year 11 In England.

My mum went to China to spend mothers day with my grandmother, and during her time there ( this is roughly a month ago, so I haven’t seen her for a long time) she fell and broke her coccyx bone. She was meant to come home at the end of this week, but now she is in hospital, and I fear It will be another month till I see her. My father is planning on going to China as well to stay with her in hospital, this means I will not see both of my parents for a month or so. This leaves at home by myself for a month or so. I can take care of myself and my father has asked my cousin (who is 30) to visit me every night and to look after me. However he does not finish work until midnight, and by then I am often already asleep. My cousin sleeps over but he is not a parental figure to me and in the morning I catch the bus so i dont see him often.

On top of all this, I am sitting my finals exams to get into college in roughly 8-10 weeks. My teachers are saying my effort and behaviour have deteriorated in school, but they don’t know half the story. They have currently put me on watch, and almost every teacher has put tremendous amounts of pressure on me that I can’t cope with.

I am scared.

I am scared of how my mum will recover.

I am scared for my finals.

I am scared that I won’t see my parents for weeks.

I am scared about school.

I am scared about not doing my best for my parents in my exams.

I can’t cope, with the amount of stress with my parents being away, my college interviews, my homework, my teachers, my mother being in hospital.

I just want to curl up in a ball and for it all to go away.

I’m not sure if I have anxiety, i am introverted and I am really self conscious as i have been racially discriminated before, and i bite my nails alot. I find it difficult to talk to people in public sometimes that i don’t know, sometimes i don’t like going out with my family because i am too scared about what people will think about me and my family because my parents are often really loud which attract peoples attention.

Please can anybody give me any advice?

[CactusDan]

Heyyy azxoiu. first of all, i want you to calm down okay. Breathe.. I want you to know that most people are afraid of the future because no one knows what is it or what will be. So what you’re feeling right now is okay as it is normal.

In line of the things that you are scared of, i guess the main thing there is about your mom and being away with your parents. Now, i want you to relax. And think of these things (i hope it may help you), yes you are away from your mom. Yes you cannot take good care of her. Yes you are not there with her in china. But you can always pray for her and for her recovery. Put all your worries in prayers. She will be fine. Actually, you are somehow overthinking things. So whenever that happens, breath and say “things are just fine, i am only overthinking. Stop overthinking.” Then divert yourself to other things that will help you forget such matters that bothers you and makes you overthink of what may happen next. Being away with your parents is hard, i know. My dad is in abroad for years.. So whenever you feel alone, please call them. Have joyful convo with them. I want you to feel that happiness whenever you are talking to them, and you will feel lighter and you’re going to say to yourself, “it is good to feel that i miss them. :)” coz i know how that feels. days are only fast. Soon they will be home. And you will be fine.

And when you’ve learned to get to these things, others will follow. I want you to think about your parents, specially about your mom. I know your mom is in pain and that is actually stressing for anyone. But i know, when she knew about your school she will be more worried about you as she worries that you are alone in england. So think about her.. strive harder for her. Do it for her. Make her as your motivation. Think about, when they got home and you did well at school, you’ll make them proud. specially your mom. you will be fine. Prove to your teachers that you can do it even things are kinda messy for you.

Whenever you feel stress, just pause. Breath. Drink water. And say to yourself, again and again, “things are okay. I will get through this. I will finish all these things ahead of me.” One by one, little by little. You’ll accomplish every tasks you need to. Do not forget to pray. I know you’ll get through this. God bless.

[marsbarr]

Hi. I am sorry you Are going through all of this. I understand it is pretty rough right now for you. Your worry about your mother is your biggest. I have a fractured coccyx bone and have had it for years. She will be fine. She is getting cared for. I know you miss her but you can Skype or text. She is just a phone call away. Try not to be scared about school. You will do good. You just have a lot on your mind right now. You know You can't just curl up in a ball, well you could., but what would that help? You will focus on your studies and make both your parents and yourself proud. You can do it. Your dad going to China leaving you here in the States, because he has to go; he trusts you to be well.

Prove him right; be well, be strong, be safe and pray, you Will be fine.

[Delzek]

First and foremost please for your own safety speak to your head of year or a teacher you feel you can trust explain what is going on in your life (specifically about your worries about your Mother , I hope she is well soon) Talking about the problem with a teacher or head of year will help you immensely as they will then understand your behaviour and hopefully give you some leeway! Some good news breaking your coccyx is not as bad as it sounds I did it as a youngster and was only in hospital a couple of days ! Please try to stop worrying and I know it's difficult when you are stressed but try to get yourself back on track behaviour wise, I think once you speak to a teacher or year head you will find everything a bit less stressful and that hopefully will help you get back into your school work etc !

I honestly hope you speak to someone , I genuinely hope things get better for you! Please keep us in the loop we may not help you face to face but talking helps!! Good Luck Derek

[Hidden in reply to Delzek]

I agree with Derek. Try to find a teacher who you really trust and let them know. I was dealing with depression and told a trusted teacher, they really helped me get through it. Sometimes, communication is really the key. People won't understand you unless you speak up and let them know what you are going through. My teachers at school know about the problems I face and often give me more time to complete assignments. As long as you get your work done and be a good student, you'll make both your parents and teachers proud. Good luck with everything and I hope that your mum gets well soon.

Sophia xx

[Indigojoe]

HI azxiou, It has been 3 days since you have posted your concerns. You write beautifully and express yourself very well. How are you feeling today?

You are an intelligent person and you sound more mature then most teenagers your age.

How did you find this forum?

CactusDan, Marsbarr and Delzek have all said very good things to you, that I hope you take to heart.

You do not have anxiety. You have perfectly normal questions and concerns about the thoughts you have.

Delzek suggested speaking to someone at your school about your situation. Have you done that yet? They will be able to help you.

Keep us posted.

[Hidden]

As far as worrying when you go out with your parents, you sound like a normal teenager to me. If you have experienced discrimination I am sorry. You have a lot on your plate but you are young and have alot to look forward to. Take it one step at a time, you know your grades are important, try to focus on that. Your father will take care of your mother. Do not let fear take hold, I hope your mother gets better soon, you will definitely see her again.

Do your best on your exams for you, it is your future. Biting your nails is just nerves. Learn to relax, find something you really like to do, listen to music, talk to your friends, something. Learn to control your thoughts now before it gets control of you instead of you controlling them. Do teenage things and enjoy your soon coming college years. And until then enjoy the remainder of your high school years.

[bel_hope]

Hello Azxoiu, my daughter is also going through the same school challenges because she is getting ready for college and it's just normal to feel this way. And just like I say to her, "do you best and believe God for the best." I'm sure you're as perfectionist as she is and want to do well, and you will! I also had a coccyx injury rollerblading, which it hurts, but then it will go away very quickly. I only had a couple of days of bad pain. So no need to worry there either. If you feel like you cannot spend much time alone at home, then see if you can stay at school studying for a while, maybe you can even find a study partner or a friend spending a little bit of time in the school's library. Anxiety makes everything look bigger. We feel like we're climbing mount Everett when in reality it's only a hill. You're God's best! Please post an update and take care.

[Hidden in reply to bel_hope]

God is a present help.

[azxoiu]

Thank you everybody for the support

I have spoken to one of my teachers about what has been happening and what is about to happen. I know that school can help me in many ways with work and with how I am feeling. My friends and family have also offered that I can spend time with them or stay over with them.

I feel more relaxed than from when I first posted my thoughts on this thread. I listened to some of the advice that you people have given me, and I cannot express how much gratitude and love I have for your support.

My father has been preparing for his flight to China today, to look after my mother. The thought of my mother in hospital and in pain, It makes me want to relieve her stress by studying hard.

Over the coming days I will keep everybody updated. If it ever feels like a truck has just been dropped on top of me, I promise I will seek advice and help from everybody on this thread.

[CactusDan in reply to azxoiu]

Good to hear about that. We know you can do it kid. Have faith. Things will get better. Everything will be okay. We are here for you. God bless.

[mysmugcat]

Thank you for updating us and taking the advice. I am happy to talk to you. May i suggest the Mind website and the young people s section to help you.

[azxoiu]

I’m having trouble sleeping, it is 11:28pm on a Sunday night. I have school tomorrow and my father goes to the airport. I did all my homework and Starting from tomorrow I will try my hardest and be attentive in class.

[Hidden in reply to azxoiu]

Try to relax, you are young and life will bring you many experiences and some of those experiences will challenge you. You have to be confident that you can and will deal with whatever it is and move on with your life. These challenges are just life experience and how you handle them will determine the person you develop into. Handle them with confidence and in peace knowing that you can triumph over every situation, whether on your own or with the help of others.

[Indigojoe in reply to Hidden]

bravo Needhelp123, that is ALL anyone can do.

[azxoiu in reply to Indigojoe]

hey i’m not sure if you remember this post, but thank you very very much, everything turned out great a year ago i felt like i was hopeless but thank you so much @indigojoe

[Indigojoe]

How is your mother? I am happy that you have evolved this year. Bravo