I don't even know

For over a year I suffered from depression, although undiagnosed at the time I knew I had it as it runs in the family. But recently I've developed severe anxiety, insomnia, paranoia, panic attacks and depression, all diagnosed now. My doctor has said he thinks that medication is the best way to help me, but I always get scared I react bad to them or they make me feel suicidal, which is something I hope I never do feel. I left school last year in my third year of high school, and since then I've pushed all my friends away and cut all ties with the outside world, the only people in which I speak with are my family who I'm am lucky to have. I so many symptoms that I didn't know where connected to anxiety in anyway which didn't help, I feel at ease a little now I know they could all just be connected to it. And a lot of shitty things have happened to me in my life so far but developing anxiety is by far the worst. I don't sleep, I don't eat and I lack most of the social skills I had before. I cry about 1038282 times a day and can't even go to the doctors myself. I live with my dad and he is extremely unsupportive of my illness, the days where I feel like my body has turned into jelly and my head feels so full of air I feel faint and weak, he always is so unsympathetic. My mum and grandma are always there for me, but at the same time they can be selfish and unloving towards me. Not a day goes by where I don't think I'm dying, I wake myself up every hour or so with an extreme twich, most of the time crying and sometimes it feels too much to handle so I break down even more. I really am lost right now and don't know what I should do. It doesn't help that I can't sleep


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  • Please, please.... try medication now. The chances are very good that it will help you

    get some relief. Also, set up an appointment with a good psychiatrist. You can get

    some names from your regular physician

    I know what you are going through because I have the same thing.

    Please do as I suggest, as I know you can get help and relief from this

    terrible feeling. I will pray for you.

  • I think I will try for medication, I do have my doubts but you never do know unless you try! Thank you for the advice and kindness in your comments, they mean a lot x

  • One thing I forgot ...... Please report back to this site. I really want to keep track of you. I am the one just wrote to you. I will be looking fit your response. Tell me /us

    how you are doing.

  • I feel deeply for you, at first you say your family are supportive but really your Dad is not helping you. I feel that you need a real professional to help, maybe a pyschiastrist as they are trained and will give you the right medication. Please go to your doctor and ask to be referred to one, this does not mean your mad, it means you want the right help and medication as you cannot do this alone. Depression is a real illness, it causes all of the things you describe. You need friends too and it is sad you have turned them away. You are crying out for help, please get to the doctors ask for a referral so you can receive the right. Treatment. I shall be thinking about you, you cannot continue like this you are far to young, let me know how you get on, πŸ‘πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜Š

  • I think it's harder to find friends that you feel have similar interests and personalities, especially where I stay. Thank you dearly for the kind thought, it's seriously means so much to me. I think I will get help from medication and speaking to a professional, but when I first realised I had these problems I wanted to overcome them by myself to prove there is still the same kinda strong person remaining inside of me. I started a job today, and I had 2 not very major but still anxiety attacks. I didn't want to tell any of them about it as I feel most people don't understand the pain and hardship for this. I think I am a changed person for better and worse but I know it won't be like that forever which is kind of reassuring:-) once again thank you for the kind thoughts, I will try my best to keep you posted x

  • Thank you for replying, I know you will get better. I am thinking about you. Be strong, get professional help you are doing fantastic keep me posted when you can. Much love Helen πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜ŠπŸ˜ŠπŸ˜Š

  • Thank you very much, this means a lot to me, I am gonna go to my doctor and get the help I need, medication and some form of counciling. I know that depression and anxiety is hard and it's horrible, but I think one of the best things to do is try to keep positive, especially when you feel you can't. Thank you again and I will keep in touch😌

  • Just to let you know your in my thoughts and I'm so sorry you are suffering! I can also relate to what your going through, sending you lots of positive thoughts and love.xxx

  • Thank you for the love, I appreciate it so much. I'm sorry to hear you have it too, it's something I don't think anyone in this world deserves, it's 24/7 and so horrible because it lives inside your brain:-( xxx

  • Good luck to you, deff try to get to dr, you may need meds therapy, try some progressive muscle relaxation,the adult coloring book is relaxing, I will say a prayer for you, I know the feeling all too well. Reach out to me on here any time I have foynd this blog site really helpful, stay strong,

  • So far I'm finding it helpful aswell, i didn't realise how many people suffered pain like this and I know we all can eventually get through this. I do find that painting really calms me down, it's my favourite thing to do although it's quite expensive haha:-) thank you x

  • I am so sorry to hear how much you are suffering. For I understand and know how awful it is for you . Most people cannot comprehend the suffering you are going through. For I know because I have lived with depression and anxiety for almost my entire life. My own family was just awful towards me and I felt so a lone being so young. I was only 9 years old when all my depression and anxiety symptoms started and I cannot begin to tell you how chronic my depression and anxiety was . My symptoms were so unbearable everyday of my life that I dreaded the dawn of every morning because I knew it would only be a day of mental torture and I was scared and alone for many years enduring deep depression and walking through life nervous and fearful and my surrounding so hazing from depression. I know what you are going through. However, I must say there is hope and help because I did finally get relief and I know you can too. Medication did wonders for me. It changed my life . I was happy for the first time in my life. But I need to say in my experience only a psychiatrist should prescribe psyche medication because it is essential that a psychiatrist monitor you while you are starting an antidepressant for the first time. Having a family doctor prescribe psyche medication is not a wise decision . They write the prescription and send you on your way without watching you closely being unable to reach them when you are feeling uncomfortable or concerned with any side effects you may have which would only prevent you from any real success by having normal symptoms and get scared and discontinuing the medication when it could have help if only giving it the proper time and that would be such a shame. Family doctors have very , very little training in this field and they do not monitor you closely while you are on an antidepressant for the very first time.

    When I first started on an antidepressant if not for my very good psychiatrist I would have never continued with the medication because the antidepressant made me feel nervous and weird and I called my psychiatrist saying that the medication was making me feel worse and my head felt weird and I felt like I was gonna jump out of my skin. He told me to continue with the antidepressant because those symptoms was a sign the medication was making changes in my brain and for me to try to ignore those symptoms. So I did want he suggested knowing that he had the knowledge experience and education on all these kinds of medications and he knew all the positive and negative side effects. Than after 8 weeks of feeling all those strange symptoms one day I woke up in the morning instead of feeling dread I felt happy for the very first time in my life with no anxiety no depression and feeling wonderful feeling like a new person. Medication saved my life and I know I never would have gotten better without it. Keep in mind that it takes a while for it to work and sometimes the first medication may not be the right fit for you but don't give up or lose hope. You may have to try many different antidepressants until you find the best fit but you mustn't give up because it could take trying many before getting that right one, that is just another reason you need a psychiatrist to help you. But know 9 out of ten times you will find the perfect fit or you could be like me hit on the perfect one right from the start. That very well could happen cause it happened with me. Antidepressants work on both anxiety and depression. Your doctor suggested medication will help you and than just perhaps you will be grateful you did go on medication because it could change you life for the better.

    Let me add when my son was born he also delvoplqed depression and anxiety at the same age I did. You are correct it is genetic and a mother or father can pass on that gene and I did with my son. But because of my experience I knew no talk therapy would help him and that he needed medication. I remember as a little boy he came to me saying he felt like crying and than cried in my arms and I knew than he had this illness that I passed on to him. In any event at the age of 11 I took him to a child psychiatrist and he was prescribed Paxil. Like me, the first one he tried was the perfect one so that can be the case with you also. It was good that I was well aware of any symptoms he may have and I explained it to him if he had any thought of harming himself to tell me right away but he did NOT but I did know that symptom is rare . After a few weeks of taking Paxil one day I saw him walking up the drive way smiling and told me that he felt happy for no reason at all today and from that day on it changed his life forever and I saw a new person in him, and he is now 30 years old and is very successful and has been happy ever since.

    I felt compelled to share my story with you and that perhaps you may want to change your mind and give medication a try because I think it's a real possibility all you symptom's of depression and anxiety would disappear leaving you feeling wonderful and happy. I know all to well what you are going though and I have so much compassion, understanding and knowledge of the suffering and pain you are feeling because I felt what you are going through for many years before getting the helped I so disparately needed and I have to say because of my compassion I want so bad for you to have relief from you're suffering that is why I reached out to you.

    I wish you wellness - happiness and for you to enjoy your young life living with hope and promise with so much to look forward to in the future. You deserve to have that. Not spending your young life in pain the way like I did for a very long time wasting all my young years before getting relief .

  • I am so happy to hear this story, it's beyond words how inspiring it it!! You and your son both got through this, and I think the methods are the ones I want to try. I cannot stress enough how happy this actually makes me feel, my mum always put me of medication because she never continued to use it once she got symptoms of paranoia which she never had as she has only ever really been depressed. I'm sorry to hear you suffered from it for quite a long time, I'm hoping now it's been properly diagnosed I can get the correct medicine and live my life the way I want, thank you so much x

  • Hi Chloemartim

    I am happy you decided to give medication a try. Just remember you are going to experience some side effects but that's normal but once the medication starts to work the side effects disappear and you will just feel wonderful. Yes, if the medication is not the right fit you can experience irritability , agitation , and a few others. That is why you need to work closely with your doctor. But don't give up - Stay with it. Had I not had a top notch psychiatrist which I may add was extremely expensive I never would have continued the medication cause it made me feel strange and dizzy and nervous and tired. I would have tossed them out and never taken another pill ever again and I would have gone through life in mental torture . But the doctor explained to me these symptoms were normal and that they will pass in time. He explained that the medication is making small changes in the brain and having some sides effects is actually a good sign. You will get better and have a good life. Remember it will take some time. Some times as long as 8 weeks to feel better. If the first medication is not the right one it could take even longer - But don't give up !!!

    When you start the medication you can reach out to me anytime and I will support you . You deserve to have a good life. All my very best to you.


  • Hi Chloemartin,

    I know the feeling. Let me start by saying anxiety cannot and will not kill you, however, if you do not eat or sleep, that can be fatal. The symptoms of anxiety are just that "symptoms." I suffered from Anxiety attacks, panic attacks and depression for over 21 years and I still have bad days but I know after 21 years that it will not kill me. If you believe in God then you must pray for strength. You have to get counseling and you may have to be on meds short term (natural supplements). You can beat this, I know you can. When you feel anxious, it's ok to cry to release pressure but do not, I repeat do not be afraid of what you feel. Accept the symptoms, they will pass. You HAVE to eat and sleep. Drink camomile tea before bed, take a warm bath and sleep. Eat fruit and veggies starting out and as you gain your appetite, increase your diet. I'm praying for you just PLEASE DO NOT GIVE UP OR GIVE IN. Peace and Blessings to you!

  • Sometimes I can't sleep, I can't help but feel like something is going to hurt me, and I think it's my mind I'm most afraid of. I will definitely do my best to overcome this, so much has changed in my life and I don't think I can handle it too well but I'm sure one day I will and get better. Thank you for the comment, it means a lot x

  • I know what it's like to feel like you don't have a support system, or people don't understand. It seems like my depression, anxiety, panic attacks, etc., have gotten worse recently, and I have to admit that I have a problem. Is there a support group you can join?

  • I think there is but it's just one to one, I live in the uk so we get free healthcare and that includes councilers and medication and any addition help, especially considering I'm still quite young as well. If you need to talk I'm here, I truly understand how you feel and I know how horrible it can get at times, but I think belief is needed to overcome this although it's so much easier daid than done. Thank you for the comment and good luck to you if we don't speak again x

  • I been were you are and medication and therapy helped me, it took a while to find the right medication and dosage but persevere, it is worth it. Are there any clubs or cafe near you run by organization like Mind, because that's how I found new friends and started socialising again by going to these places. Talk to your doctor they should be able to refer you. I am praying for you.

  • I think I'm not ready to get out and about again, I'm not even comfortable in my skin now never mind other people. Where I live there only really one to one sesions with professionals, and all the people my age are doing things I don't feel like there's a point doing. Thank you so much for the comment and I'll take your advice into mind x

  • Try the medication, seriously. You may not get the right one for you right off the bat, but when you do get to the right one (which I have faith you will if your Doc is up to snuff) you will be amazed.

    For myself, it took two years and 5 medications (each one had differing efficacies) until I found one that took care of both my anxiety and depression. And it was wonderful to see again how beautiful this world is.

  • I just started medication. Its been tough in the beginning dealing with the side effects and your mind adjusting to the meds. So i hope i find one that makes me see life as i use to know it. Thanks for the HOPE.

  • Same to you!! I hope the medication works for you I really do. Thank you for the comment I appreciate it!! I understand you completely and if you ever feel you can't speak to someone I am here x

  • Glad to hear it! I appreciate the comment and I'm happy to see another example of someone who can over come this! It gives me hope x

  • Go see a good christian counselor. God can help you. He did me. Know that you are not going crazy. Maybe trying some natural supplements will help. What has helped me also is keeping my mind off myself by reading, watching "good" television, focusing on other people and things outside of myself. I feel sorry for you because you really feel badly even though probably nothing is physically wrong with you if you have been examined by a medical doctor.

  • Iam so sorry to read your post please try to be strong I know easier said than done . There are lots of supportive people on here that understand what you are going through. Thinking of you take good care of yourself

  • You should go for medication, it is really important and you would be completely fine with proper medication and therapy.

    Medications works great for me with exercise and proper diet.. I am on Xanax for my anxiety issues, its is a great anti-anxiety meds.

  • Hey there. You need to treat yourself holistically. Food, water, relaxation therapies, counselling, problem-solving, exercise, doing things you enjoy, slowly getting back into socialising because isolating yourself can totally undermine all your hard work. Meds can help but don't just depend on them alone. Mindfulness is also good but takes time and practice.

    Please DO stay in touch with us and focus on one day at a time ONLY. As you can see, we're a caring bunch who hate seeing folks go through this. Especially young people.

    Also, consider journalling your thoughts. I say this only because you need to use what you're going through as a learning tool so that the episode isn't repeated.

    Sending you love x

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