Afraid to sleep...afraid not to...

[jedjed]

I've always been a 'nervous' character and suffered with what I would now describe as mild anxieties in the past. However, I now find myself spiraling out of control with pretty severe anxiety. Predominantly, I am afraid of dying in my sleep. However, I have absolutely no idea why!?? In the clear light of day I realise that this is an irrational fear and feel rather foolish about feeling this way, but as the evening draws closer and it begins to get dark, my thoughts turn more negative. My thinking becomes foggy and I am unable to concentrate or distract myself. I begin to panic; my heart starts beating so loud, I could swear people down my road could hear it. I start to worry about going to bed and then fear falling asleep in case I don't wake up. I then get so tired, that I fear causing myself ill-health due to a lack of sleep. I feel it important to point out, that I am my wife's carer and as such, have constant responsibilities that cannot be avoided. I find myself telling myself on a daily basis 'I must do this, I must do that'. There is no rest-bite from my responsibilities. I do believe that my current state of anxiety is due to many years of trying to juggle weights that are far too heavy for me (figuratively speaking) and now I find myself surrounded by weights I cannot lift, let alone juggle. I find myself worrying about every little thing and then I panic about panicking!! I'm sure you all know, the actual physical symptoms of panic are horrendous and you feel you have no control, so the thought of getting in to that state is fearful in itself.

I have been open with my family and discussed my concerns and fears, but now I feel a burden to them and seeing them worry about me causes me more anxiety. I am the head of my family and my loved ones have always come to me for help and I would do anything for them. This feeling of being weakend due to this mental state and the effects it is having on my family is heartbreaking. Can anyone relate?? My wife said to me 'You are always so strong - this isn't like you'. On one hand, that is lovely to hear, but very much on the other it makes me feel so much worse. I feel like I am failing them.

My doctor has prescribed me with Mirtazapine 15mg, but I am anxious about taking them. DOES ANYBODY HAVE EXPERIENCE WITH TAKING MIRTAZAPINE FOR PANIC ATTACKS?? I do take medication for my heart, which the GP assures me will not cause a problem, but I am fearful that if there is a slight chance it could cause me more problems, that I would be that person. I would be very grateful for any coping strategies that people have found of use and I would love to hear of any positive stories of beating this fear of dying in ones sleep. If anybody can help, I would appreciate it. Many thanks in advance!

[Simon1a]

I really feel for you thats a hell of a load to be carrying maybe you could talk to your doctor about the pressure your under or even your local council to get more help . Im sorry if im not being helpful just wanted you to know that people are listening even if no one can immediately help ..

[jedjed in reply to Simon1a]

Thank you Simon1a. Not that I like the idea of anyone suffering in the way I am, but I am so glad that I'm not the only one! It does mean a lot to know that there is a support network out there. I'm glad I found this forum.

[Eiva]

Sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time. It sounds as if you have been so strong for so long that's why you're feeling this way, did your gp recommend any counselling or support for you, or do you already have a support network in place? Maybe you could find a support group for carers to allow you some respite if you need it.

Unfortunately I don't have experience taking that medication but I'm sure that when your doctor prescribed it they looked at your other health issues - it may be worth going back to discuss alternative methods until you find something that you're comfortable with. It sounds like the anxiety is brought on by all your stress and to me the fear of dying in your sleep is a factor that you can't control, where as you sound as if you're very much in control otherwise. I'm truly sorry to hear that you're suffering and although I can't help specifically I just wanted to reply to say you're not weak because of how you feel, it takes strength to acknowledge a problem and that you need help. I'm sure your family don't feel as if you're a burden to them,, that's the anxiety rearing it's ugly head. It's good that you can be open with them. I can relate to having to be strong for others and there always being something that needs doing. Perhaps try the medication for a week and see how you get on with it? Like Simon I wanted to let you know people are listening and sorry if this isn't much help. ~ Eva

[jedjed in reply to Eiva]

Thank you Eva. My GP is referring me to a therapist and I've made an appointment to see a hypnotherapist also. I'm hoping it will help! I think you're right about talking to my doctor again. In fact, I think I shall call my cardiologist - I will feel more comfortable taking the meds if he agrees it is a good idea! It is so nice to know that people care.

[Mattlyneaston]

I can definitely relate to you when you say you panic about panicking and feel like a burden to others because they worry about you. Having panic attacks is so scary to me I will do anything to avoid them...and then I find myself being thrown into a panic attack anyway because I'm trying so hard to avoid it that its all I think about. I've never taken the medication you are prescribed but when I'm having a panic attack I find Xanax or klonopin to be the most helpful

[jedjed in reply to Mattlyneaston]

Many thanks for your response. I read somewhere that rather than fighting the anxieties, you should just 'go with it'. I tried this last night and it seemed to help. Although I'm concerned it won't help much tonight now. I hope you have an anxious-free night. Good luck.

[Hidden]

Take the medication. The doctor has prescribed it to help you, so take them.

"slight chance it could cause more problems"? Such as? Your anxiety it giving you fear beyond normal considerations so much so that your anxiety / depression is quite pronounced which requires treatment. So now you're worrying about the treatment.

Mirtazapine assist with restful sleep and treats the depression / anxiety. I am including the word depression because anxiety is one side of the exact same coin.

Take the medication. It will take 4 - 5 days to get used to them but stick with it and you'll be fine.

[jedjed in reply to Hidden]

I'm sure you're right. My concern lies with the side-effects which could counteract my cardiac meds.

[Hidden]

Did the doctor prescribe them knowing you are on cardiac medication?