unhappy but can't walk away

I've been with my boyfriend now for about a year and half. Things haven't exactly run smoothly for us at all. I find it hard to trust him, feel paranoid, anxious when he's out with friends etc. He drinks alot and never has any money to do anything with me by the time he's paid his share of bills and rent and alcohol. He hides his phone and often likes and comments on other girls pictures, talks to other girls and he's cheated in the past with an added few more rumours with other girls that he strongly denies. He owes me alot of money too which he struggles to pay back as alcohol clearly comes before. he says I push him to drink because of how I am, needy, controlling, paranoid etc.. I can't help but jump to conclusions that he's up to no good because of his past. I love him to bits so even with all this upset and stress.over thinking hes.playing away I can't walk away from.him. We've recently moved into our own place and he's already struggling to hold down his job from not turning up due to being hungover. Hes will drink 5/7 days. From 4 cans of beer to then shots of tequila on his own. Surely this isn't normal? He hides the bottles and lies about the amount hell drinks- hence why I struggle to trust in general when he lies about other things. This is my first serious relationship and I'm currently dealing with depression and borderline personality disorder, so struggling majorly with my emotions. Anyone relate or have any advice?


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8 Replies

  • Im sorry that you have to deal with this; it sounds very stressful. One thing is definitely to sit him down and hopefully try to really tak out whats going on.

    But also remember that you deserve common courtesy and you both should be treated with mutual respect. I don't know if you believr in God, but if you do, then I recommend prayer. Just over the situation in general.

  • Thankyou for your response. Tried talking through with him and he says he will make changes but after 3 days of so he goes back to it. Hes admitted he's an alcoholic etc but just won't put the effort in to change :/ feel so hopeless.

  • That would be very difficult to deal with. A person can only change when they decide to. Would he be interested in talking to someone about it? Like a support group?

  • I hate to be blunt but this situation will NEVER change. You are going to have to be strong and get out before you become heavily in debt and heartbroken, this man is an alcoholic he cannot live without drink, your depression will not get any better whilst you remain with him. Unfortunately I have seen this so many times. You have followed advice from others on the site and still nothing has changed. Please do not continue to make your life unhappy by standing by a loser, as this is what he will become eventually, he is your first love, there are far better men out there. I do hope you find the courage and strength to achieve this. My thoughts are with you, if you want a happy debt free future then leave ASAP xxxxx

  • He needs help before anything will change for his life or yours. The situation. Won't change until he gets help for drinking. My parents were both alcoholics and the promises they made were endless....never changed. We had nothing, poor, sad, lost family. If u can in order to save the relationship get him to try seek help. A a is very good but not everyone likes it. It saved my parents lives. He is damaging his brain and body and u will suffer for it if he does not get help . Financially things will get worse. U sound like u need some support to, Al anon are brill for the partners of people who drink a lot. Get help soon as possible and it might just save everything. This is not love but u do deserve love. He is sick n needs help x

  • Don't walk away--RUN as fast as you can!

  • Ask yourself one question - do you hate yourself? If so carry on with this guy. If not, get out now - or you'll find yourself in five years time on this forum with your life utterly screwed. I made the mistake in thinking I couldn't walk away from a relationship and got stupid ideas into my head that I couldn't do any better and HAD to make it work. Your thoughts will change to accommodate this person's problems - it will change the positive person you are and you'll end up with no self-esteem. I echo the other subscribers. 24 years old you don't need to be dealing with this. If you walk maybe that'll kick-start him into sorting his life out

  • My older brother has a chain of failed relationship's since he turned to drink many years ago and has never recovered or kept hold of his girl. I am continually bombarded by him and his girls issues because he will NOT stop drinking. He has been in and out of hospital for it, put cars on there roof, nearly burnt houses down and so on, but he will not stop. He has got worse and worse and noting seems to change other than his girlfriends who don't last long. He is bang out of order as he blames them for it. Now I'm a man and I know us men can be pains in the... I've had my fair share of being out or order believe me, but this is a joke. You really need to move on as soon as you can find the strength, perhaps help him by talking to your doctor about his drinking issues.. He at least needs someone to point in the right direction seems as he has obvious reasons I do not know of to turn to drink and is not thinking in straight lines. You need to be strong, stand up, get tuff, stick to your guns and put things right. Good luck. J

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