Anxiety Support
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On behalf of my boyfriend...any advice?

For the past 7 years, my boyfriend has been dealing with various different symptoms of anxiety after the passing of his grandad, someone he was very close to. He recalls it starting one day back in high school where he remembers being in an assembly and felt sheer panic and started screaming.

He had the constant feeling of being stuck in a dream unless his mind was fully occupied. He would get the occasional panic attack when he was out doing his hobbies, but it would go away and he was able to carry on as normal.

But as it was getting progressively longer since the passing of his grandad, these symptoms grew far worse and started taking over his daily lifestyle, it makes him extremely paranoid.

Lately, he has found it especially hard being under fluorescent lights as it makes him feel even more dream-like, almost like he isn't in his own body. It makes him get floaters in his eyes which makes him panic even more. It doesn't help that he is also in front of a computer screen all day, as his job is a web developer.

He has seeked help, but it is an 8-12 week wait until he hears anything back.

Has anyone got any advice?

He has asked me to post this, as he fears he will get caught up reading others posts making him panic even more, as he worries as it is that this will never go away.

Thanks x

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Depersonalization is what he is experiencing very bad symptom of anxiety everything feels fake the world feels unreal and dream like very scary feeling i think its the worst feling of anxiety tbh but nothing to be worried about he also might have claustraphobia too social anxiety as well so many different types :) best of luvk any questions this is the best site

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My involuntary associates may be able to help more Agora1 and Jeff1943

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Hi bethanywood, I can see how the passing of your boyfriend's grandfather has impacted his life. The loss of someone close is on the list of Life Events that can bring about severe anxiety. The realization that life doesn't go on forever as well as missing that person contributes to our anxiety and it's symptoms. What your boyfriend is experiencing, I have as well. Sensitivity to light, having floaters, feeling like nothing is real is a way for the body to find an escape within it's self when the root of the anxiety has not been addressed. Those symptoms bring with them additional fear and a circle of fear begets fear is established.

Getting help with therapy is a great idea. Because the wait is so long, it might be a good idea to have him talk with his doctor regarding a mild, short term medication to ease the symptoms some. I agree in that in might be best for him to not read some of the posts that may just feed into his fears. That's incredible that you care enough to support him and watch out for him until he finds his way again. But don't forget to take care of yourself as well Bethany. My best xx

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Thank you so much for getting back with such an excellent response! This is extremely helpful and I have just read it out to my boyfriend who is extremely grateful and has taken everything you've said into account!! He has been offered medication but is worried about taking it as he does not want to start relying on it. If you don't mind me asking, are you on medication? Thank you xx

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I told you my involuntary associates have wonderful advice :)!

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:) :)

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Im the same way as your boyfriend medication to me is a bandaid for the problem it will still be there and when times get tough and medication is expensive if you dont have insurance and id you need it to feel good if money isnt readily available your worse because it was only there to put it under the rug unlike solving the problems naturally and just breathing and all the techniques out there medication is just a last resort for when you really cant gain control.. its a booster seat basically

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They definitely are! And that is exactly how he feels. Together we have tried to make sure we're up and out doing fun things to take his mind off how he is feeling which helps him massively, and until he sees a therapist it seems to be helping to keep it at bay. But sometimes, it can be that bad even trying to get up and out rather being stuck indoors doesn't help and he gets really upset. I will just sit there with him whilst he cries his eyes out and it is really hard, and I think he doesn't want to have to rely on meds when he gets like that like you say, it is just like a band-aid! Thanks for your response xx

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I have a post that may be just for you! Ill ge tthe link

healthunlocked.com/anxietys...

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That is perfect, just the sort of thing I was after thank you very much!! x

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Im all about natural remedies i choose that over meds anydays MEDITATE together i know if i do it alone it kinda freaks me out so my fiance and I do it together he might be super stressed out massage each other every day if you guys hang all the time my fiance and I strip our clothes when its our turn and we just massage each other as if we were at a spa and i tell you its so good and relieving to just meditated during a massage lol and yes ALL it is is a massage you nasty thinkers haha

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bethanywood, I can appreciate your boyfriend's concern on not wanting to reach for medication. However, there becomes a time and a place where it can be helpful in allowing him to function in a more calmer mode until getting in to see someone. Being in that state of fear that he is in right now is exhausting and wearing both to the mind and body. He will have plenty of time later to learn the holistic methods of dealing with the symptoms and fear. Right now, afraid of getting dependent on medication should be the least of his worries. It is not a defeat, it's a step in going forward at this time.

Just enough medication to take the edge off his symptoms allowing him to think more clearly. Yes, he will be a little sedated but that's okay , he needs it. We all know the answer isn't in a little pill but will eventually come from himself and therapy.

First things first, calm the mind so that he can absorb what he is being told in therapy as well as being able to apply himself to that guidance. With you by his side and a little help from a light dose of meds, this will be the crutch that will keep him going forward and not roll up into a ball and stay stuck.

Yes, I have been on medication as well. And it did allow me to function, maybe not 100% but at least to go on with daily activities. There is give and take in everything in life.. we take medication and in return get a little sleepy, but the benefits out weigh the side effect.

The choice of course is always his. I wish him well. He's going to okay. Stay strong Bethany, holding his hand will get you both through this. Take care xxx

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To Bethany wood , so sorry for your boyfriend grandfather loss,

Can you please tell your boyfriend that it's okay to cry and get your emotions out but the way I can sense how he feels that way I feel so bad for him in a situation where someone has passed away. The best way is thinking forwards not back but he should keep a happy photo of his grandfather in his wallet and think of the positivity and all the fun adventures he had with him. Also love, keep telling him that he should think forward and take you places where his grandfather took him out to and sit on a bench make a little gap and he can then think like , grandad sat here and ate.... and me and him did this that and the other. The best thing ever for a gift from you would be a photo book of your boyfriend with his grandfather and then they can rethink of the past and think about the future and how much love for him to be smiling from ear to ear and then you both can be happy together when he (your boyfriend) feels sad , lonely, upset. Your the best person in a way to support and guide him.

Best wishes for ahead.

Bluebiker

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Thank you so much, times are really hard some days and he does get extremely upset, I love your idea of visiting places where he has memories of himself and his grandad and is something I definitely will try :)

Defo going to get him the photobook present too!

Thank you for your reply I really appreciate it xx

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healthunlocked.com/anxietys...

Try my post out on natural anxiety remedies its not specifically for depersonalization its just all about anxiety easeiny stuff

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