Swear to God was having a nervous breakdown this am. After a grueling week (which for anyone else would be a breeze) I literally couldn't get out of bed. The husband had all the usual Sat plans so I somehow "played thru" the day, managing to not actually leave the house, but got my chores done. I don't know how much longer I can live on autopilot and dodge and weave without having a nervous breakdown. (Wouldn't be my first, have had a few) I get to do nothing tomorrow, but the week is gearing up again with things to do Mon, Tues, Wed. I can't leave my house that much. But I have to and do to give the pretense of normal. Then the weekend chores again. Plus I have a whole list of things that I neeed (have) to do, but my anxiety only allows for so little. I can't live this way much longer. Then I ate a big dinner and feel sick. I hate eating and if I could get thin again maybe my anxiety would subside. I just can't function. Have 5 day holiday in May, already dreading.
I can't breathe, think clearly, get anything done without fear of getting in trouble, and most of all I just want it all to go away. I want to stop this world and get off. I need to rest and not feel like I am a do nothing loser.
Wish I had a real terminal disease instead of this one (no one believes metal illness can be terminal).
I'm done. Stick a fork in me. I can't go on like this. And this is all there is and ever has been. No medicine no dr no hospital can cure it. Thanks for letting me vent. Now off to a anxiety dream filled night that wakes me exhausted, if I can actually fall asleep. Get to lay here and have my brain filled with self hate, wishes, shame and sadness.
This life is not worth living.
Written by
Drella
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I am wondering what your husband says and does when you tell him how you are feeling. Or DO you TELL him straight forward how you are feeling ?
I feel that you have to be honest with him. Let him know that your health may be starting to suffer if you do not slow down. I think you have held your silence for too long, and it is time to be honest. I had a husband who was like yours….he
could keep going and going. I finally told him that I just couldn't keep up with him and that this would begin to catch up with me if I didn't slow down. He finally began to
understand this. We set our priorities on events and things which had to be done,
which wasn't easy. But we reached an understanding and acted on it.
I think you should do the same. After all, what would your husband do if you became ill because of this constant exhaustion and your health started to really go down ?
He needs to think about this !
Good luck as you seek to rethink and reset your priorities. You are worth it.
Oh Drella, you are not alone and you can get through this and will with help. Don't be afraid to share your feelings as you just did. Have you seen a therapists? A good one really helps. I have cried out to God the way you just cried out to this site more or less. The key is getting hold of what you are anxious about. Usually, they are more imaged than real and the real is over-analyzed. Actually, you seen to be functioning quite well because if you were having a nervous breakdown, you would not be functioning. Why are you overwhelmed? Do you need to do less during the time? Have you shared this with your husband and the need you have to talk with someone? Nobody is ever alone in whatever he/she is going through. If your body needs uninterrupted rest, try to find a way to get it without feeling guilty that you didn't do the "chores." Waking up is good. Say to yourself out loud, "I am going to have a good day today." If something comes up that seems overwhelming say, "One step at a time; this is not a big deal. I can handle it or wait until a better time to deal with it. May the Lord bless you. Prayed for you.
Trust me you wouldn't want a terminal illness. My sister is lying in her coffin awaiting cremation after being diagnosed with terminal cancer at Christmas. She like me also suffered years of panic/anxiety so know what you are going through. If you can access Mindfulness training do so. If you are in the UK you can contact your local Mental Health Team or check out Professor Mark Williams on you tube.
What do you mean when you say "fear of getting into trouble"?
You need to see GP for a referral to a psychiatrist re meds. You also need to see a psychologist who specialises in anxiety and depression.
You need to ask, and expect help from your partner.
You say you've been through this before? How did you get through it all the last time?
Most of all you need to believe in yourself ; and that yes, life is worth living. As you say, you seriously CAN NOT continue like this for too much longer. Please, get the support that I've suggested. Best of luck to you.
ahh i feel for you. I'm same when I'm at my worst..medication sorts me out. i work full time and sometimes i don't know how I've held my job down i feel all those things your saying..its so hard i can't eat or sleep basically can't function. all the while trying to be quite normal with my boyfriend because he doesn't really understand it. did you say you'd tried medication? I've had mine 14years. how long have you been like this did something trigger it off x
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help!!!! I can't do this! :'(
