Still here..just barely

I posted this on the depression community a few weeks ago and got a few responses. My hope by posting it here is that someone can relate to the symptoms I'm having and have recovered. I did just start back on Celexa yesterday. Please any advice or support is welcomed and desperately needed! Thanks in advance. Here is the post:

Well here I am again feeling like I am losing my mind! I can't concentrate, focus or remember things to save my life. I can't even get my thoughts together to clearly explain what's happening to me. Let me give this a try... I was diagnosed over 3 years ago with depression and anxiety and have been off and on medication. I would mainly stop taking the medication because I felt like it wasn't helping me with the cognitive difficulties I had been experiencing since this all started. So, let's just to the present, now not only do I have those problems I have also started experiencing only what I can refer to as confusion. I really feel confused and out of it. Add to that blurred vision all of the time, headaches, muscle pain and weakness. My doctor did run blood tests which all came back normal. He told me that he doesn't think it's anything more than the depression and anxiety. I'm freaked out! I think it's something much more serious than just it possible for my mind and body to be effected like this? Is there a chance if I start medication and stay on it will I improve? Or am I going to continue to decline? Please help me...


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20 Replies

  • Hello there.... How can i start this... Since October..... It all started october 2 i was cooking dinner felt like i was going to pass out with no reason...dizzy, chest pain, chills all over my body and my heart felt like it was gonna pop out of my chest called 911 paramedic arrived told me it looked like a panic attack i asked them to take me to the ER they did. Had ekg blood work everything came back normal. I was semd home. Simce that day my life changed my every day is crazy. I feel dizzy chesr pain amd heavy chest palpitations rapid heart beat cold sensation in my head, chills , is been so hard . I could b talkimfg to anyone and i feel lile going to pass out. Die!! I feel liel im going to sto breathing. Like my heart gonna stop. Its been the worst. I cry amd cry!!

  • Visit er 6 times since October havent been there more cause i try to hold myself

  • Oh my Lizzette! It sounds so similar to how my anxiety and depression started. I'm sorry your going through this. It can be very scary. I am convinced that I am literally losing my mind. I tried to fight this on my own and unfortunately have not been successful. That is why I've decided to give meds a chance again. Are you seeing a doctor for your anxiety? Do you experience any of the cognitive impairments I mentioned?

  • I used to have AWFUL concentration. But it DOES go away. It went away for me when I.stopped focusing on it. Which is when I focused on another symptom.

  • That's a good suggestion.

  • I know that depression and anxiety are terrible to live with. I've had it all my life. I'm wondering with all the pain you have... muscle pain and weakness... it could be fibromyalgia? It sounds a lot like it. I would try not to worry too much, because your symptoms are very similar to most people who go through depression and anxiety or fibromyalgia. Ask your doctor on your next visit if you could have fibromyalgia. I'm sure you will be ok, even if you have fibromyalgia. I wouldn't worry too much. Try self-talk, do a puzzle, anything to take your mind off your symptoms.

  • Thank u Coco. I really don't have much pain except for my hands which is from carpal tunnel. More so a weakness and stiffness. Probably from not exercising. I don't know..I just feel like I'm going crazy and I'm not going to remember anything anymore.

  • Oh my Sorry you are going through this.

    After a night out of drinking my anxiety started first thing in the morning my heart rate went through the roof. My husband drove me to the hospital at one point I pictured my heart beating like the wings of a hummingbird. My blood pressure was kind of high when I got to the er and the fact that they got scared too just made me get traumatized. Ever since then I've been to the ER multiple times :(

    I recently started therapy and I will be starting meds soon.

    It's a lil help that I need to give my heart a break.

    There's no shame in having that help. And there is always a way we just have to give it our 100% attention. And do it for OURSELVES.

  • Hypomeanx, I agree that we all need help in getting through this. But my biggest issue is I seem to be getting worse as time goes on.

  • I seem to be getting worse and my hypochondriac mind is going overboard. Not only that each time a get a panic attack they feel worse and worse.

    I also feel like something is wrong and that I'll never recover :( but I have to get better.

  • I feel the exact same have been prescribed different anti depressants and too scared to take them incase they make my symptoms worse any advice would be greatly appreciated x

  • I am sorry you are experiencing this. I wish I could give you some advice but I am here looking for some myself. Hope you feel better.

  • Hi,

    If you have been prescribed meds then I would go ahead and take them. Even if its just for the short term (a year - say). Sometimes meds can take 3 months before they have an effect. Once they start to have an effect you can then see things more clearly and start to help yourself in other ways.


  • Hello Sue,

    Thank you for your advice. I'm just worried that whatever is going on is going to continue getting worse and even the medication won't be able to help.


  • Hi Dawn,

    My anxiety carried on getting worse without meds - when i was prescribed meds I had to find one that worked for me (they start you off on the cheaper ones on the NHS for obvious reasons). Now I'm on a tablet that has been working for me. I still get some symptoms but they are far more manageable and not overwhelming me as before. I not feel in a better position to help myself, and far more in control.


  • Sue,

    I just wish I could find a medication that actually works as opposed to making me feel worse. I am not going to take something that enhances the issues I am already experiencing. A lot of the medication I've tried increase my anxiety and make me feel like my brain is even more foggy then what it was before I started them. I'm at a loss I really don't know where to go or what to do anymore.


  • Hi,

    I know what you mean, but its a bit trial and error sometimes finding the right meds and the right dosage. I tried about 3 before citalopram. I tried to resist taking meds for the same reason - trying different things myself. my symptoms just got worse. I succumbed to meds! Its halved my symptoms at least. Now i feel Ive got the capacity to try and help get rid of the few remaining symptoms I've still got.


  • Depression and anxiety can affect you like that. Immediately I waken in the morning it's as if a light bulb has been turned on and the palpitations start. They on'the build up. They just go full blast. The 40 mg Propanol doesn't seem to have much effect. I'm also on 50 mg Sertraline and 12 mg diazepam and at night 45 mg Mirtazapine. The GP says she can do no more and the psychiatrist just says go for a walk and keep busy. Some days I just wish I could close my eyes and stay under the duvet and not waken up. I've only been like this for 4 months and it's absolute hell. For sop,e reason it starts to ease off about 6 pm and I feel normal and the. It all starts the following,day. My friends just don't u der stand as I look normal and are starting to give up on me. Man have stopped asking how I feel. I can't even plan a holiday. The GP wants to get me off the Propanol and diazepam but hasn't come up,wth a,substitute. I'm at the end of m tether

  • Nessie91,

    I can totally relate to so many of the things you've described on your response to my post. I as well seem to start doing better in the evening, and then when I wake up in the morning it starts all over again. I hate feeling like this! My family tells me all the time that they think I'm doing just fine. But they are judging me by my appearance and the fact that I still do the normal things people do on a daily basis (shower, cook, drive, watch tv, make appointments). But what they don't realize is how difficult these things are for me. I literally have to plan how to do everything out step by step whereas before all of this started it was just natural. My thoughts are always jumbled and I can't really concentrate on anything. I am struggling right now trying to spell things correctly and keep this response coherent. I hope this made sense.

  • yes, sadly . I have gone into the emergency room with such wierd symptoms it drove the ER doctors to the medical encyclopedias. Im not joking. There was an excellent older book called the 'Anxiety Disorder', that was givin to me because I was having thoughts about harming my family, I found that symptom in the book. It can affect every organ in the body including skin.

    I suspect with a good counselor you can explore your options, even your family Dr. can help you. You can get better, take it from someone who has dealt with this for almost 50 years.

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