Strange repetitive thought terrifying me.....any advice please?

[kathm]

I suffer with long-term anxiety and get bouts of depression. Am taking medication. Everytime I get really anxious I get the same symtoms - the ones that really scare are me are linked to my head. I get the same thoughts "I dont like thinking" "I dont like the feeling of thinking" "I feel trapped in my own mind and cannot escape" "I dont want to be here anymore." These thoughts take over. Just wondering if this is normal for anxiety. Thanks.

[Hidden]

Hi

I am not a professional I can only tell you that I have experienced the same or similar...It was brought up in my CBT ..ruminating ... Constantly going over the same thoughts....part of the advice I was given to stop me from doing this was to become aware of your surroundings, the chair you are sitting on for example ,feel the chair touch the arms be aware of it...to take you away from the thoughts...have you had any therapy? Or having any? It may help to understand it more...and give you more professional advice on it and how to stop it...

In answer to your question though I suffer with anxiety and had the same thing...I would mention it to your Dr as sometimes I think you need some advice on how to break the pattern ...sorry I can't be more help can only tell you from my own personal experience...

With all good wishes to you, maybe others on here have experience to help a little more..

Sue

Xx

[kathm in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou Sue for your response, it is reassuring when other people totally understand. I have had CBT in the past but have been referred for a refresher. Thanks again. Wishing you well x

[Hidden in reply to kathm]

No problem sorry its not more help....you should mention it at CBT they will understand

Let us know how that goes

Xxx

[Abittooanxious]

Just wanted to reassure you that I know what you mean too. The brain is a very powerful tool which has produced amazing things but which can also be destructive. I wish I could switch mine off like a TV at times and give myself a break. Like Sue, I've done CBT/mindfulness and it can help (have also done acupuncture, reflexology and Tai Chi recently - all can really help). I tend to think that I can either be sitting in this room worrying which in turn generates a load of anxiety chemical responses in body (adrenaline etc...) making me feel bad/worse or I could be sitting here not worrying and avoiding that response. Still the same room/planet. The body is a little like a machine I suppose and reacts to thoughts/environment whether that's a saber toothed tiger it wants you to run away from or a fear/worry...

Any hobbies/interests you can throw yourself into? What about turning all that negative energy into a positive and volunteering for a worthwhile charity - meet nice people and feel like you are making a great contribution. Also, are you one for exercise/gym? Can give you a massive boost (alongside diet - avoiding/cutting down on stimulants that are known to cause/increase anxiety, e.g. caffeine, alcohol.. - and generally eating well)...

All about the same thing - keeping mind/body healthy and keeping that head busy giving it v little time to dwell on negativity...

I know it isn't easy - the number of times I've wished there was something physical wrong with me that could be treated/fixed.

Finally, anti-anxiety/depression medication can be great (I used it 16 years ago and it helped me out of a hole at the time) but keep an open mind. Is it helping a lot or are there other possibilities that could be better? I started a mild dose of citalopram a few weeks ago but found that I was feeling worse for it (waking at 4am and not being able to sleep). Although hard because I felt I'd got to the point where I needed a boost, I stopped taking it over the weekend and have moved over to a mild dose of Amitriptyline (not anti-depressant level) to help sleep in hope it gives more energy. Have also agreed to boost the exercise which in turn should boost the "feel good" hormones with a bit of luck. Obviously always discuss changes to your treatment with your GP but keep an open mind...

Good luck! Again, you're far from alone - loads of people suffer like us, even people you see in the street who you'd never imagine would have problems...

[kathm in reply to Abittooanxious]

Thanks for your reply it has been very helpful. I am actually a reflexologist but cant do it on myself unfortunately!! lol. Have had accupuncture but cannot afford it at the moment. I am on the max dose of tablets I can take and have been given diazapam but try to avoid as dont want to rely on these. Its reassuring to know I am not alone as a non-anxiety sufferer would prob be like what are you on about?? Well wishes x

[Hidden]

Hi kathm,

Yes that is very usual in an anxiety sufferer, and something I have experienced over a long period of time 30+ years.

Look at all the statements written, its a mind fighting/running avoiding itself, and thats anxiety !

"I dont like thinking"

"I dont like the feeling of thinking"

"I feel trapped in my own mind and cannot escape"

"I dont want to be here anymore."

~the fight or flight response to a percieved danger.

But there's is no danger, its us thinking the symptoms could be dangerous, identifying with the catastophysing thinking as real, but its not real its not happening.

We have to prove to ourselves 100% that these thoughts symptoms, wont kill us, and we do this by starting at the easiest thing and working towards the harder stuff after we have completely let go of the one before. and thats the practice.

If we fight or if we flight, avoid, we make those thoughts important and we get anxious,

so we need to find a way of dealing with them that doesn't require fighting them or flight, running away from them, We cannot runaway from ourselves.

As Sue says above, focusing on the chair is a great way of putting ourselves in the PRESENT moment. however if we think we are taking ourselves away from thoughts, we are running, surely, and that is part of the panic reaction of fight/flight.

Its ok to use initially to help give ourselves some space to think, but it wont treat it in the long term, if we see the anxiety for what it is.

I have put the word present in capitals above, because this is a present, its a gift we can give ourselves when ever we want it. and it gives us space, allows us to realise this is it, everything, we dont need to fight, run, avoid, we just appreciate what we have right now in the present. And not just use in the midst of a panic, we do it when we feel ok, and the ok gets better too.

Notice how our minds fight this, being present, saying ; it wont work, I need something to take this away, etc etc.

Smile at those thoughts, allow everything, OBSERVE the thoughts like looking at a cloud floating by, we dont even need to name it as a cloud, just observe, thought. and remember, never fight or run avoid, life is life, accept it, dont try to change any part of it. or we are fighting ourselves.

To be honest all we need to do is DO NOTHING and it all goes away, but doing nothing is very difficult, but we can practice, and it gets easier, we lessen our wants our needs our judging, our time.

FACE no need to run away

ACCEPT no need to fight our thoughts, just observe them

FLOAT through the waves of panic, with as much relaxation as we can manage.

LET TIME PASS allow the panic/anxiety as much time as it wants to disperse.

Above all, be gentle with ourselves, be kind to ourselves, take the first step very slowly, and work on that till its ok, with the above method.

This is my way of aleviating anxious thought, its not easy but it does help, and remember use the two words AM I fighting, AM I running avoiding, if we are it wont help.

Wishing you well

B

xxxx

[kathm in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your reply it has been very helpful and reassurring. What you have said makes alot of sense. The thoughts are so powerful I feel like I am going to be stuck in this hell but I am trying to see what they really are.....just thoughts. I avoid alot and am hoping to overcome this. Thanks B.....well wishes x

[Hidden in reply to kathm]

Hi Kat,

I know they are powerful, and its can be so daunting, just even glimpsing at them.

I'm not sure how disabled you are with your anxiety, however we can just start to nibble away at the anxiousness when its not too bad, and that gives us the confidence to try it all the more.

From little acorns grow enormous oak trees

I understand totally, I've suffered for 33 yrs, and only in the last 3 had any long lasting recovery. Its ongoing, but its sort of fun now.........just practicing.

Wishing you well

B

xxx

[hairyfairy]

I`m the same, when Iv`e nothing to occupy my mind, it tends to wander into unpleasant territory, such as awful memories of my early life, & wishing that things had been different for me when I was growing up. I get so angry about things that I can`t change, & I find myself going over events in the past, & wondering if there was anything that I should have done differently to avoid bad things happening, but mainly I blame others for them. I just wish that there was a foolproof way to change this way of thinking permanently.

[kathm in reply to hairyfairy]

Thanks for your reply, it is so hard isnt it....it is such a cruel condition. As I have said it is reassurring to know we are not alone. Wishing you well x