hi everyone, i have never done this before so even feeling anxious about typing this...I have suffered from anxiety since i was 12 years old i was playing with my pal who got hit by a car and died, needless to say death has been a big fear and the fragility of life. Time went on and as the years lapsed i did not know that i was experiencing acute anxiety i just thought that i was going mad. My teens passed and I married and have two wonderful children who it would appear are "normal", thank God. all that time is just a haze i cannot remember very much of it.(My husband does not have a clue how this illness works but is the most wonderful man on the planet) and through all that time almost 40 years have tried every conceivable therapy available albeit privately the nhs timescale for appts were unbelievable especially when you require help NOW.....At this point in time since maybe september i am experiencing what i would call a Blip! MY mood is low,the thoughts are back and the big black cloud is engulfing me i feel as though i am just existing I am waking in the morning with that gut wrenching feeling that makes you want to curl up and die, and thoughts that send my mind into a frenzy, some days are better than others. I am on medication long term which helps and for the past two years have been seeing a counsellor privately who i have to say is a gift, Its just this Blip that scares me rigid.. A big part of me knows that this is not permanent and that it is just a blip Its just that i would like to think that someone out there understands where i am coming from and encourage me while i am in this place... I only stumbled accross this website this morning and could feel the empathy of others immediately.
Can i also just say that anxiety is an illness it can be helped and that it does not make you a bad person as someone has experienced if anything i think if you suffer from this condition you have far more compassion for your fellow travellor.
thanks for reading x