Breakup Anxiety, HELP!

Ok, I need help. To make a very long story short, I have overcame anxiety for the past 5 years of my life. I only really have anxiety about once a year (thankfully I have learned to cope with it at any other times without meds)

Well two weeks ago my boyfriend of 3 years who I have lived with for over 2.5 years (who I thought I was for sure going to marry) woke up one day and told me he wasnt happy anymore and left. Just like that. Packed his stuff and left and has been living with his guy friend.

To be honest I have been completely ok with everything. Yes, I cried a few times but he said really hurtful things about how I am lazy and Ive "let myself go" (due to gaining 8 pounds). I felt almost empowered by the breakup, I bought all new room decor (i have to stay in the house we lived in) I have honestly felt really good, like he almost did me a favor. I love with ALL of my heart and feel like im at the point in my life where I dont have time for people who dont value me (im 24)

Well, I was taking a shower about an hour ago and BAM, it hit me. Heart racing, bursts of crying out of nowhere. Panic attack, But why!! I was SO okay with this whole thing. I am so so scared that I will now start being depressed and anxious over this when I was coping so well the past two weeks. I look at where his toothbrush used to be and just cried and couldn't stop my heart from beating a mile a minute. I felt that if he wasn't here RIGHT now that I would surely jump out of own skin and run away forever. (btw I did have a cup of coffee and strong tea today dont know if the caffeine didnt help)

I guess my question is, do you think this is just because I am starting to see the sudden change in my life which is causing me anxiety (change in my life has always been the main cause of my anxiety spells) Do you think that I will be ok? Since I have been doing SO well with the breakup thus far, do you think this might have just been a sudden small panic attack just due to all the changes? I just do NOT want the anxiety to continue.


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13 Replies

  • Hi Jenb,

    I think it was brought on by the change, if you were fine and doing well without him it must not be that.

    People get used to routine so when you finally got the clarity that your life has moved on, your body naturally reacted to the change.

    ~ yaz

  • Hello. It might be the change. I dealt with something similar with work. So much was changing and I thought I was fine "rolling with the punches", but then it hit me out if no where. Know that you will be ok, continue doing what's best for you. If you have coping things that helped in the past continue doing them.

    Change is hard and scary, but know that you have inner strength to deal with the anxiety and depression. Be kind to yourself.

  • Hi, you have a history of coping and sorting yourself out. You will do it again! Big changes can cause little blips, but you are doing all the right things. Be gentle with yourself and keep going, it will pass x

  • I agree with the others. I was doing fine for six years then my life was turned upside down about 4 months ago I like you was fine for the first week or two looking back I think I was in shock and wham the anxiety came rolling back. I'm going to counceling now and taking meds

  • Hello,

    You have just about described exactly what I went through almost a year ago. Sometimes it takes a while for these things to sink in. But I want to let you know that now, my life is better than ever. I am still single, but I have that feeling of empowerment. I am going out and having lots of fun and reconnecting with loads of old friends.

    I think what I'm trying to say is, it will pass :) and you will be a better person for it. And believe me that the people on here are a huge help in times of stress :) Good luck. xx

  • Hi Jen:

    I think you went into denial atraight off, as people often do when somebody dies, or when experiencing a breakup which comes as a shock. It is nature's way of helping one cope straight off in the short-term i.e. the mind does not take it all in. You have had time now for this all to sink in, and are experiencing a very normal reaction.\ Things will get better, as you would not be normal if you did not miss being a couple and as others have commented the routine in your life has changed. You sound like a wise young lady to avoid people who don't value you. Just keep thinking that over and over in your head when you get these panic and anxiety attacks. At least you did not get married, as he hurt you and is not dependable. Do a bit of meditation and gentle exercises. Your reaction is perfectly natural, and sadly these things do happen - but you can ease the anxiety with breathing exercises and thinking positively. Take special care. Marguerite x

  • After being with your partner for so long your reaction is totally natural. You're going through a major change and being so strong. Your body is just saying' be gentle on me! 'Continue being empowered and when you're ready you will find a partner who will love you just as you are. I did. Enjoy your freedom you have now. x

  • I know how you feel for being kicked into the kerb by your boyfriend which I'm truly sorry to hear.

    I'm the same as you when I got kicked into the kerb by my ex girlfriend of 8 years because I suffer from anxiety disorder which involves in depression, scared to go out, etc. When I suffer from depression, I've told my former girlfriend that you have to bare with me with my depression for a couple of days until I'm feeling okay. 3 days later I had a text from her saying that she was thinking that we should be friends, I was completely shocked and my world has come to a end and worse of all it was just a week before Valentines day. I cried, I panicked, my head was spinning which I don't know where I come or going.

    At the moment I'm looking for relationship to make my life whole once more and to gain confidence since the break up.

    So I know how you feel, but what I can say is this, tell your doctor about your problems and hopefully the doctor can referred you to KCA health services if there is one nearby where you live, but in the meantime try meditation / breathing techniques or going to the gym which decreases the anxiety and stress levels.

    Or try and buy a Paul Mckenna Self confidence book which includes a CD inside to help you build confidence.

    I do hope it helps and good luck for the future for searching a new and better relationship than your former boyfriend. I know it will be hard, pain staking and slow improvement but in time you will get better.

    Be possitive and Good luck jenb_03. ;-)


  • Hi jenb yes I agree with the others ' its a shock to the system as your used to a certain routine and suppourt and now theres change your mind has just triggered of what your subconcious already knows.. I am similiar when certain things change in my life it takes time for me to adjust. Fortunately my partner is very supportive about my .o.c.d and anxiety disorder .. and suppourts my condition, thank God , Anyway try and not drink too much coffee as tea and caffiene doesnt help anxiety and stress related illnesses ' be positive and youll be ok

  • Thank you guys. So so helpful. ♡

  • Hi Jenb,

    My heart truly goes out to you. If you lived near me which is Brighton by the way, I'd come round and give you a huge hug.

    I don't know if it was a panic attack, or it just hit home he has left or have you thought it might be a massive relief?

    All I know is your story hit home to me. I am a lot older than you, I'm 51 almost 52 yrs second marriage and my husband of 11 yrs turned to me a few weeks ago and told me he doesn't have any romantic feelings for me anymore

    It blew me away. I was shocked, hurt, didn't quite know what to do with myself etc. he is still here at home with me in my house. No more talk of leaving just 'if I get myself sorted meaning with depression and anxiety he will stay' I feel at least with your Ex he up and left you grieve and move on. Me I have to wait and see how he feels towards me daily. So much worse.

    Why do we allow these men ruin our lives.

    I have suffered from Anxiety, depression and OCD together with other problems for years and well before I met him. He has told me I've got worse! Nice of him huh!

    What are we supposed to do. I too have put on weight it's because we were happy, or thought we were! Have you many girlfriends you can talk too.

    Has he contacted you at all since he left?

    Much love


  • Thank you for sharing your story with me. I fortunately do have a very very good support group and family. Its just the anxiety part they would not understand. Well the thing is he did not willingly leave, i made him leave and when he left he realized he didnt want to come back. I know for sure that if i wouldnt have told him to leave he would still me at our house acting like nothing happened. And i woukd be miserable. Maybe it will be best to ask him to take some time to himself and you do the same for you? We have only spoke briefly and i have been really good at not calling or texting him but two days ago a rumor went around that he was datig someone already (turned out to just be a rumor) but i called him to confront him (which i know i shouldnt have) and that made me backtrack a little in the healing process. When i talk to him i know he doesnt have any emotions left for me. Idk how or what i did to him but his mom told me that he says ik being childish and crazy about the breakup (which i feel i have been very verg mature) i also need to stop talking to his mom lol. I am so glad this happened before we got married, it must just be the change that has hit me.

  • Listen, you are handling it so well for someone of your age. Thank The Lord you weren't married with kids. My first marriage ended after 3 years and I had our baby girl age 8 months I was 26 yrs old. So hard omg. Then married 17 years later to only find I'm in a state of unsure again. I have asked for time out but he says no. Perhaps he has changed his mind. You know what they say Men are from Mars and women are from Venus!

    I don't have your issue of speaking to his mum or family as they don't like me and never have

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