Hey guys, was just hoping for a bit of advice/support because I've decided to finally go and see my GP about how I've been feeling.
I started to suspect there wasn't something quite right with me about a year ago, but didn't go to my GP because I thought there was a chance it'd just pass. I won't go into it too much, but I was in a very destructive relationship where I was emotionally abused for a long period of time***. I didn't accept it for ages and only started to come to terms with it recently (8 months after it was over). My thoughts started to become more and more irrational at that time, and since then I've found they've gotten even worse. It's like every little thing I do is riddled with stress and worry, every decision I make is incredibly difficult because what if I make the wrong one? And my moods have been absolutely awful. The tiniest thing plummets me into a low, and a couple of times I've even had panic attacks over ridiculous things. The most frustrating part is KNOWING that I'm being irrational and that I just need to relax, because I just can't stop it! I have this constant uneasy feeling in my chest...I really don't know how to describe it. But it's like there's a weight on it that I'm always aware of. A feeling at the pit of my stomach that makes me always on edge. I can't remember the last time I was relaxed and it takes next to nothing to make me cry. On a slightly side note, in the same way it takes nothing to make me cry, it also takes nothing to make me feel high. There have been a few times in the last few months where I have felt absolutely EUPHORIC because of the smallest of happenings in my life. It never lasts long but boy is it an amazing feeling while it's there. Honestly indescribable.
I find that talking to people helps me, but only in the short term. My friends help me to rationalise and calm down, but I only fall into the same trap next time. I really benefitted from counselling in April, but the uni service only allows 3 sessions per semester. Alcohol makes it worse. Sometimes I'll go out drinking and be fine the next day, but other days I wake up and my feelings of anxiety and depression are intensified. I know alcohol is a depressant and it does that, but it's absolutely horrible and I feel I'm so close to giving up drinking altogether (very difficult as I am a 20 year old uni student!).
To cut a long story short I really don't know what's wrong with me. I feel so useless and pathetic. Normal people don't feel like this. It's so hard to explain what it feels like in my mind and I feel like I really need to see my GP.
If anyone could give me some advice/support that'd be amazing and really appreciated
Sorry for the really long post...I didn't realise I'd have so much to say.
***I should add that before said destructive relationship, I was very prone to stress in my day to day life, but no more than the average person. It felt manageable. It doesn't feel manageable now...whatever I have.