I'm 19 suffering from very scary thoughts and doubtful that it's ever going to get better, can someone talk to me please

Hi guys I'm new to all of this posting on websites but basically I've felt terrible for a good month now... I'm training to be a children's nurse and on the ward where I work we had a child that tried to commit you know what.. Ever since I was faced with it I developed absolutely terrifying thoughts of 'what if you do something like that' 'what if you want to do something like that' 'what if that's the only way to make this anxiety go away' I'm absolutely petrified and don't want to feel like this anymore I wake up panicking about it at 5 in the morning I'm constantly thinking about it throughout the day I'm an absolute wreck at the minute and scared so so so scared that it will never get better and I'll never feel normal again! Thanks to anyone who replies really appreciate it x

[Hidden]

Hi & Welcome

I am sorry to hear you are suffering with these thoughts

Anxiety can tend to start with something that has upset us & then the fear we feel builds creating more anxiety & then disturbing thoughts

When we fear what are minds are thinking we have we have to remember these are thoughts & they wont harm us , so many of us have suffered with upsetting thoughts & if you can try & see them as anxiety creating them in time they will get less

Have you maybe thought about seeing your GP about how you feel , they could maybe offer you some counselling which could be a big help

Keep talking on here you will realize you are not alone which really helps

Love

whywhy

xxx

[mimii]

Hi keyleigh, is there anyone at work you can talk to about these thoughts and fears think it can help to say how your feeling and not try and keep it bottled up and feel so alone, it's only natural to be affected by something like this your bound to get emotional dealing with traumatic situations, wonder if there's any counselling service for staff you could try

Mimii xx

[Hidden]

Hi both of you thanks for replying I am under a counsellor I've been seeing her for about 2 months now I think I'm getting so worked up because I've got to go back to the ward and I also moved out of my home to live with my boyfriend so I think that's made me worse. Has anyone ever felt the way I do like it will never get better and did it scare you?? Xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi

I am pleased you are getting some help & it sounds like the pressure of leaving home will have no doubt added to your anxiety

Yes over the years I have had thoughts of one or another , similar to you & when I was young like you it you to scare the life out of me to !!!!

When they come into your head try & say you are thoughts , you are not welcome & you wont harm me ,it takes some practice but it helps

Take each day as it comes when you return to the ward & keep coming on here people will help you try & get through this , it will get better

xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou why why they are just so scary and so hard to ignore they make you think things like would I actually do that and do I want to do that and then anxiety levels just spiral out of control! It's nice to know I'm not alone with it though and people on here can relate. I'm going to move back home and I'm hoping that will put me in a better place than I am right now. Just so annoyed at myself that I've let it get so bad xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I do honestly understand

Try & see it as your anxiety though giving you these thoughts , I have said out loud before to myself to shut up & go away

Hopefully that will help when you are back home but don't be annoyed with yourself , anyone that does or has suffered with anxiety we didn't ask for it to happen so there is nothing to feel annoyed for !

It will get better

xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Why why is it normal to fear that it won't get better and is it normal when you've got anxiety to see the worst possible outcome and be scared by it? How did you get better xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Yes it is normal to fear this wont get better but it will

I was about your age when mine first started , I had my first child & my anxiety really started to kick in even though I had had it a few years before

I thought something might happen to her or to be all sorts of dreadful thoughts & back then there was no help like now & no one to talk to & then I would think I must be mad or an awful person thinking this way , years later I realized it was anxiety

It takes time but you are young & have recognized your anxiety so you will be able to work on it so it no longer causes you so much fear as it is now

Its about acceptance for me

So when I got these thoughts accepting it was fear & anxiety which eventually starts to give them less importance till they fade & go away

You will do it , takes time to change the pattern of how anxiety has made us think but we can & do change that pattern round again

xxxx

[Anxietyang]

Intrusive thoughts are a problem for me too. I have a weird technique for dealing with them. Sounds a bit odd but if it helps someone else here goes......

I imagine all of the good things in my life, that mean things to me are in a big bubble. When an intrusive thought cones along I imagine it sort of bounces of the surface of the bubble and it doesn't get in, good things squeeze through the surface.

It's adapted from a guided relaxation I did in counselling. I use it a lot if I wake up in a panic (that's assuming I know why I'm panicking).

Like I say weird but works for me. X

[Hidden in reply to Anxietyang]

Hey anxietyang have you had thoughts like me too then?? I'm going to try that I have in the past imagined an angel and a devil on my shoulders, angel is positive and the devil is negative when the devil says negative things I picture flicking him off my shoulder, it's still work in progress because the thought usually overpowers my technique but hey ho!! Xx

[Anxietyang in reply to Hidden]

Well they do take adapting sometimes. I've had anxiety 14 months now and it's awful. It may take a few tries to get a visualisation that works for you. I originally used an air balloon to put my troubles in before it sailed off but I find the bubble useful because it allows positivity in.

X

[Hidden in reply to Anxietyang]

Have you experienced thoughts like me too then that's made you feel out of control? Just don't wana be alone with this thanks for the comments really appreciate it ! X

[Anxietyang in reply to Hidden]

Yep unfortunately. Sometimes focused on worrying whether I'll get so sick I'll do what I don't want to like you, sometimes weird repetitive thoughts. I had an odd one a few weeks ago when I kept thinking about being bitten by a dog! How weirds that ha ha. I haven't even got a dog.

What I have learnt is that it's often without rhyme or reason and also that you'll improve. I have had it under control a few times but having a bit of a relapse at the min.

Keep coming on here though. It helps. X

[Hidden in reply to Anxietyang]

They are easy to get hold of you because they are thoughts completely against what we believe I do find that talking to people really helps make sense of everything more! Thankyou I'm here if you ever need me xx

[Anxietyang in reply to Hidden]

Thanks. You too. It's easier to talk to people about it who are in the same way, or have been before. X

[laineyc13]

hi Keyleigh welcome hunni. this sight should be very comforting to u,it has certainly helped me,as when anxiety starts and comes from out of the blue it is the most unsettling and terrifying thing. to me its been lifechanging and im trying my damndest to use it positively,this is a change I hv been needing to make within me,and this a wake up call possibly. mine came from deaths of close ones I think. don't beat yourself up with whats going on in your head,it has disburbed you what happened at hospital,shock usually makes u question everything and make your mind race all sorts. are you finding triggers?

[Hidden in reply to laineyc13]

Hey Laineyc13 thanks for replying and your right it it absolutely terrifying it's like you want the thought to get out of your head because you know it's just not like you but then it just gets worse and worse!! And I think there have been many triggers as to why I've gotten so worked up about the whole concept, first one is that my partners cousin committed you know what.. So that's played on my mind whenever I saw a photo of him, other one was when I saw a friend in the shop and she looked upset so I asked her what was wrong and she told me that her friend from school had you know what... And then the last big trigger was what happened on the ward! So have you felt scared and got yourself into a spin about the same thing then? Xx

[laineyc13 in reply to Hidden]

hi Keyleigh94 yes absolutely,my dad died when I was 17,my first ever realisation of death,but when my friend died in may at only 35 then everwhere I looked/heard/read was deaths. it terrifies me,is making me question my own health and life,paranoia is now part of my life and im trying soo hard to undo these thoughts hunni. like u say photos r a big trigger!! have u spoken to anyone about this apart from here?xxx