Return of Anxiety & Stress Vomiting Episode- Help

Hi Everyone, I'm a 29 year old male. When I was about 21 years old I had my first real girlfriend and a lot of times when we were dating I used to have to go to the toilet and be sick to stress/anxiety. The feeling would come on and once it started I never found a way of controlling it. This of course then became a real problem because I would then become stressed/anxious about the vomiting happening in advance of any date. I went to the doctors and got the usual -"take a few deep breathes and think of a happy place....."- yeh great thanks!!! If it was that easy I wouldn't be in this scenario. In the end I approached my dad because it was out of control and he was shocked and explained he had the same problem when he was younger with a particular girl. In the end the problem was solved by the relationship ending and me moving on to other things. I've has the odd girlfriend since and no repeated problems. No other situation or life experience/issue since this episode has caused me to vomit or feel that bad.

Fast forward 8 years now to the present day. About a year ago I started a new high pressure job in one of the UK's biggest companies. The first 10 months were stressful but I got through with little work/life balance issues. In the last two months I have taken on a new role with increased responsibility. In addition, I also have two new bosses who are putting a fair amount of pressure on me. One boss in particular is very challenging and I struggle to figure him out. I do not consider him to be a great people person and other people in my team feel the same. He has an effect on me that really gets under my skin but most of my colleague/pier group seem to cope fine with him which makes me think the problem is with me. All of a sudden my vomiting problem has returned. I'm waking up early in the morning and my mind is racing at 100mph. I tend to get to sleep fine but then wake up early. I try to calm myself down but there is little time in the morning to relax because I have to get up and get out the door to start the day. I think I've vomited/retched 6 or 7 times in the last few weeks before work. I'm also starting to lose weight because I'm losing my appetite. Personal life is becoming really challenging because I don't want to make any plans because I'm not a great person to be around at the moment.

I have asked for some help and spoke to a counsellor over the phone. The counsellor thinks things will get better after a while because I'm only two months into the new situation. They have offered a few face to face counselling sessions but asked me to see how I go over the next little while before coming back to them. My biggest worry is that I know I could not find a solution to the problem when I was 21 and had to remove myself from the situation to solve it. I'm concerned about this because it could have a big impact in my career leaving at such an early stage and it would make feel like I have failed, couldn't cope etc. I also feel this would really effect my confidence moving forward. The longer I try to fight it the more chance of me melting down publicly at work which would not be a good legacy to leave behind. Hope that doesn't sound shallow from a career perspective? There are probably a few different triggers (new boss, new role, putting pressure on myself, fear I'm not smart enough for the role etc.) bit right now I'm feeling like I'm sliding into a very dark space and I just want to be normal again.

Not sure if anyone else has had a similar experience and would like to offer any advice on how to deal with the situation? Any advice would be appreciated because it feels like I'm losing control of the situation.


9 Replies

  • Hi John

    Sorry to hear about your current situ, its very hard and I think everyone will relate to you here, so youre not alone

    ;-) ........... I would get back in touch with the counsellers and say that you need some help now to cope with it........ I understand your fears and again everone will............Im not sure how much help this will be, but knowing that what youre feeling is anxiety and as horrible as it is, it does pass,,,, and as hard as it is, we need to find ways to relax for it to pass, which is exactly the opposite to how you feel....

    Someone recommended on here and Ive used this and found it helpful!

    Hope you feel better soon, Im sure other people will be able to offer better more constructive help, but just wanted you to know youre not alone!!

    Ker x

  • Ive just started a new job and I get a nervous stomach, rushing to the toilet. As soon as I leave my house it comes on

    It is embarrasing and a pain to live with. Ive always been like this

  • With my condition I am reclusive, this does not stop me going out although the frequency is effected. We all need a goal in life and so this sometimes helps if we are reclusive, and suffer lack of trust with a society that fails to understand our conditions and needs

    Every time I go out I feel uncertain and after years of various treatments now I realize that I will probably not die as I leave the friendly gate of my home.

    When you are fortunate to have a high pressure job sometimes this can be a good thing, the only problem is we can have problems with the people you work with they have their own issues and of course that effects you in the performance of your duties. Remember you are in an enviable situation where at least you are functioning in a high pressure place and probably getting the payment for your expertise. Hopefully you will begin to leave this sickness behind. As your condition improves and you become more confident as you continue your journey in life.

    All I can say is good luck we all need to try and push the envelope that is part of our uncertain feelings in an self centred world.

    All the best, good luck

  • I think borderriever has articulated this very well............ its very wise advice............Good luck x

  • Hey John, I use to be in similar situation,worked for well know supermarket as a manager. The hours were horrendous, never had much time with my hubby or daughter. I was very stressed :(!!

    Anyway my parents both died within 6 months of each boss at the time was not sympathetic at all... I carried on for a while until I suddenly thought..this can't continue,my health is suffering,my family are suffering, I'm suffering!! Why... Just to please some jumped up boss!! So it was work or my health and family... Don't need to tell you what decided as it was a no brainier!! Don't feel guilty or feel you've failed because you haven't. You have to in life prioritise , I've not looked back and a lot happier as I now walk dogs for living no stress no boss nice hours and good money:))

    Have you looked into mindfulness? You can find lots of sites on line and apps you can use on your phone. I've suggested calm. com to a few people on here, I swear by it:))

    Good luck Hun and remember we're here for you. Hugs x

  • Thanks for the advice everyone. Really appreciate it. Now it's time to try some different approaches to get this sorted out :)

  • Have you tired anti-sickness drugs, Iv`e never had a vomiting problem under stress, so Iv`e never had to use them for that, but they do work well for nausea. Ask your chemist for something like Motillium, which can be bought over the counter. I do sometimes have bowel problems in stressful situations, & I find that OTC meds are very helpful.

  • Hey John! it was nice to stumble upon you post as I am now again going through the same thing you described. I've had it for years and it really made my dating life impossible. I'm currently seeing a counselor and I'm taking anti-anxiety pills for the first time and they somewhat help, but I'd rather find the root of the problem and not getting hooked on these things cause they're addictive. That's why I'm curious to hear if you had any progress since your last post.

  • John,

    I just turned 16 this past week and I have been dealing with the very same anxiety disorder since I was 9. It mainly happens in restaurants, on dates, and with my girlfriend. Thank you for writing your post because it tells me that I am not alone, and hopefully this reply tells you that you aren't alone either.

    Best Wishes,


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