Morning all..an update and hello to you all

Hi all. Feeling rather anxious this morning with no real reason for it. Well I tell myself there's no reason for it but actually thinking about it, there's lots.

My marriage is breaking down. But I'm trying not to think about it, hence probably why I haven't written about it before. It's not so much on my part but his. Not really much I can do as I've fought for months.

I will have to move back home, over an hour away, and can't afford private renting alone so have applied to local council. Spoken to them and it's gona take a while. Added stress. Now I know it's over, I just want to go. I have to sort a new school for my daughter but need to know where I'm living to get the closest school as I don't drive.

The thought of being a single parent of 2 very demanding children is frightening me to death!

We are being very amicable to try make it easier. He's back in work after 2 weeks off and I just don't feel safe. How am I gonna manage!? Feeling very guilty as with my husband's job I've moved my daughter around a lot in last few years which means she's been in a few different schools. What was the point in it all?

I do have gp appointment today so that's a plus, not sure what to say though as I'm too frightened to take antidepressants.

Trying not to let it all get on top of me. It's hard!

Bit of a rant there guys sorry!

Hoping you all had a good weekend. Xx

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13 Replies

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  • Rant away.

    Sounds like you have a lot on your plate.

    The guilt thing gets me too, it really plays with my anxiety.

    Sounds like your a great mum though, so thats all that really matters to them.

    Take care x

  • I'm trying to tell myself it's not a big deal, but really I know it is. I think I've probably been in denial about a lot of things.

    Don't really know what will happen over the next few months. My anxiety is making me fear the worst. I really do try hard for my children but my anxiety gets in the way a lot. My husband is a rock to me and I'm frightened of going it alone. He is a good person though so I know he'll be there to help, just not all the time.

    Guilt is a horrible thing isn't it. Hope you are well.

    Thanks for your reply x

  • Morning Loo

    There is no wonder you feel like a rant , I hope its helped a little getting it all out

    I can relate to your fear on top of suffering anxiety at becoming a single parent , I have been through this some years back & it is very daunting

    Mine were 8 & 2 at the time , & me to I wondered how on earth I was going to cope , but you no what we do & sometimes we cope better than when we were in the marriage as I think once that initial fear of been alone passes , something just kicks in & we no we have to

    I dont no the reasons why your marriage has come to an end , I no mine (long story ) & it was actually my fault more than his , but which ever way it is for me it didnt make it any less painful

    But knowing it had ended once that fear had passed , in a small way there was also some relieve

    The tension that was always in the house , the falling outs that were often , they all went , so yes I had the girls on my own , which was an anxious feeling but minus the things mentioned that also made me anxious & as much as the girls were upset as they loved us both very much , I always remember them saying (well the eldest ) that they were relieved not to have to listen to the shouting any more

    As mine were growing up , they ended up with the best of both worlds , me & then going to see their Dad

    I dont no what plans you will have , but my ex had them every weekend , during the week they were at school , so getting them up , of to school , home , tea , bed during the week which we do manage & then Dad entertaining them all weekend which left me some time to sort myself out a little bit

    I actually got more me time back then than when I was married

    I no its not easy , we get married & have kids & we do think its for life & when it comes crashing down , we feel so guilty , but remember , none of what you mention (moving school ) etc , was done for any other reason than believing you could keep the family together , so it was all done for the right reasons , even though it may not have worked & thats when you have to let go of guilt , it has not been a selfish act on your part

    I hope your GP , helps you some how today & try & not let your mind wander into the "what if's) I no it isnt easy , but I have found most of them never happen

    Keep coming on & talking , take each day as it comes , you will get through this

    Let us no what happened later at the doctors & we are here for you

    Love

    whywhy

    xxx

  • Glad I can speak to someone who can relate whywhy. I hope I can get through it the way you did and have. I'm very frightened but I'm hoping that I can try my best and that's enough. We are on speaking terms at the moment and hope that doesn't change.

    Gp has not tried to give me more meds as he thinks it's causing more harm as I'm too afraid. He has given me more sleeping pills (which I was surprised at). Hopefully I'll hear more from cbt soon. Thank you Xx

  • Bless you Loo

    I do no how you will be feeling , but I have every confidence as well , even though I no you will be struggling to feel it , because like most things its the fear that we keep feeding our minds with causing the anxiety we feel , but I bet you surprise yourself , how well you cope , I no I did

    I once had someone say to me when I was frightened how I would manage ,can you make tea , I said yes , do you no how to love , I said yes , do you no how to keep a house , I said yes & they said that is what children need the most , a roof over their heads , a warm clean house & plenty of love , as you can do all three , they are lucky & you will be fine & they were right . All the other fancy stuff we feel we should do now a days is just a bonus , but the three main ones I no you can & will do & we are here when ever you need reassuring :)

    Dont question the Gp , take the sleeping tablets & think , Thank you , someone was on my side today :)

    CBT will come soon & you have this site as well , with everyone to support you :)

    xxx

    PS I no he sounds like he is going to be good paying as he should do they are his children , but make sure you get him to agree on regular arrangements to have the kids as well , its good for them & you get that break & its something as much as you love them , keeps you going knowing you will have some time for you :)

  • I definitely didn't question the gp, I didn't even mention the sleeping pills as thought they wouldn't be offered again. Was actually quite nice he asked if I wanted more.

    I have told my husband I will need him to have them regularly and he agrees I will need a break. The money side of it comes second to that.

    It's a great point you make about what you can do for the children, if I focus on that it gives a lot of relief.

    I just wish I could go home tomorrow now I know we are going back. Gona be a few months though! Xx

  • The months will go quickly , before you no it , you will be going home & believe me that is all you have to focus on , many a time I didnt have anything else to give , but mine have grown up to be well adjusted caring , successful adults & I followed those guidelines , & as all 3 have turned out the same , so I would say it works ;)

    xxx

  • Thank you whywhy xx

  • Morning Loo.

    It really saddens me to hear about a marriage break up, I know I am just a sentimental old fool and I know that you are a brilliant mum who will do what ever it takes for her kids, I have no idea what it must be like go through such a hard time and to be suffering with anxiety as well. I am one of the lucky ones we will have been married 46 years next week , but I do hope everything works out for you and you are rehoused as quickly as possible. I wish you and your children all the very best for the future try and keep strong.

    [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[Hugs]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

    Kennyxx

  • Congratulations Kenny to you and you wife :-) Such lovely news x

    Thank you very much for your words, all I can do is try my best I suppose x

  • Yes Kenny , I would like to second what Loo has said Congratulations !!!

    Love

    whywhy

    xxx

  • Hi LooLoo,

    Im wondering why it has to be you who has the upheavel of moving and uprooting the kids again, if its your husband who wants to seperate should it not be him moving out of the family home, and support you financially as hes still your husband and father of the kids x

    Mimii :)

  • It comes with the job mimii unfortunately :-/

    Once you tell them your separated you get an eviction notice.

    We have spoken about maintenance and he is fully prepared to pay towards the children's upkeep. X

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