Brain tumour fear

Sorry I don't want to scare anyone but I'm in floods of tears today.

11 weeks ago I started going through a horrific time. I've posted before about the extreme stress I went through and it's only just ended. My son was bullied all of last year and he became crippled by panic attacks all day in school. By October he told me he was suicidal. My world fell apart and I fought constantly for the childrens mental health team to help. They assessed him and refused saying id be the best person to help having had anxiety. My gp was outraged. During this my daughter was ill a lot and off school. I felt drained as I have no support. I was cleaning up sick every morning because my son was being sick with nerves. I'd have to force him into school and receive texts all day begging me to help him. It was awful.

I started suffering with a feeling the ground was moving or I was dropping as I walked. This became a daily constant feeling when I walked about. My gp came out to see me twice. He did balance tests and he said i didn't sway or fall, muscle tests all fine, walking ok, bp normal it's only 105/70. Oxygen fine. Eyes fine. Reflexes fine. He said no signs of anything at all wrong. Bloods normal too other than thyroid sluggish and cholesterol raised. He said see how things go but he was sure it was panic and stress as I'd been through a terrible time.

Well for 2 weeks things felt a bit better over christmas then after Christmas once the children were back in school it returned after one weekend I woke up and felt dizzy in my head but more like when I lay down and turned overy in bed I felt my head wobbly. It passed after that weekend so I didn't bother my gp. Then the floor bouncing returned. It feels like I am walking on a trampoline and my thighs are super heavy. I feel very bad fatigue but I have since summer last year it'd just got worse. So for a few weeks I've tried to believe it's just anxiety because I am terrified every time I stand up. I'm scared to walk around scared to go out. All because of my weak heavy legs and bouncing feeling as I walk.

Then today I woke up feeling like my head was bunged up. No cold but feeling my head was heavy and very foggy. My cat woke me in the night being so noisy so I didn't have the best of nights. I feel awful walking around. I feel weak and my eyes feel heavy and dizzy. I'm terrified walking round because I feel weak and floor moves. I'm scared today as it's in my head and it's always just the trampoline feeling.

I burst into tears just now to my husband and said I'm scared I've a brain tumour. I said I don't have headaches but I've felt sick since last night which I don't usually have. I lay down sobbing and said to him for 11 weeks now I'm no use to my family. I just take my kids to school then lie down most of the day afraid to walk around my house. I struggle to cook but I do it. I then rest once my husband is home. I wear a bobble hat all the time since this started like some kind of comfort and I feel a freak 😢😢😢😢 I'm now terrified I've a brain tumour and scared I should go to hospital. My husband said no you're just exhausted as we had a rough night and you're super anxious.

Can anxiety make you feel this bad? Every day I feel weak in my legs, afraid to walk, fatigue beyond belief, I cry all day, my eyes sting and are heavy, brain fog, rubbery legs and like ground bounces as I walk......I'm so afraid today as my eyes feel giddy and feel when I walk around I will faint. Which hubby says is panic. I dono think I have panic attacks but I have high anxiety all day right now 😢😢 I've lost my life. I was agoraphobic 3 years ago after my anxiety disorder started but things got better and I had my life back until all this stress and these symptoms started. I never go out other than the school run or with hubby for a drive as im too scared to feeling like this. I'm so afraid. I'm only 36. I have 3 beautiful children and I scared I'm going to die and leave them 😢😢😢

[John12]

Hi alls I have think is that I have a tumor I get headaches but in do see blue dots and floaters but had 3 eye test everything is fine they say but it so anoying I contanktu worry about my eyes x

[-manda- in reply to John12]

I've been feeling the same for a year now, I so feel your pain, after many doctors appointments tests, etc they now say I have a health anxiety and depression and been given sertraline 50mg...so scared to take it but has to be worth a try. We can't let it beat us, it's taking over my life and can slowly see my family falling apart so I'm going to fight, and reading all that you facing right now gives me strength knowing I'm not alone xx thank you for sharing x

[Hidden in reply to -manda-]

Oh Manda i am so sorry. If you need someone to talk to feel free to pm me.

Are you feeling the same symptoms as me?

Big hugs to you xxxx

[-manda- in reply to Hidden]

I have the same as you, it seems like I have a new symptom to add daily, I never thought anxiety could make you feel like this. Bigs hugs to you too, and here to talk anytime x

[Hidden in reply to -manda-]

Big hugs xxx

[Hidden]

Hello

I am sorry you are still suffering I know we have spoken before and without looking have you had an MRI test ?

I ask because if you have and it was all clear then you will not have a Brain Tumor if you have not had one it could be worth asking your Doctor if you could in hopes it will help to stop this fear you have

Also have you had your eyes tested recently ?

Again the reason I ask is the opticians can see right back into the eyes when testing them and if you had a BT they can see anything that is showing signs of something been wrong and if they give you the all clear again that is a sure sign nothing is wrong , one reason why I am anxious when I have my eyes tested and they go quiet I think O no is everything ok but I feel reassured after

I had the same fear as you about dying and what would happen to my kids

Looking back they would have been fine but it was my anxiety that gave me these awful thoughts and would even make me feel the pain what I thought they may have felt if something happened to me , I think it was more I wanted to know I would be about to see them grow up and once I had then because I had not worked on this fear and anxiety it was still there , so again sorry if you have said already but if you are not getting any therapy even if you have had some before then I would strongly say get some , I only just started getting some after years of muddling along and I can say even if you need it more than once it really does help

I think you do sound exhausted which will not be helping and yes anxiety can do this but get those checks if you have not already had them done and once they are all clear you will have to concentrate on the anxiety and how you can deal with it long term

You did make me smile when you said you were walking round with a bobble hat on , I understand about the security it makes you feel a I have done some things over the years to make me feel secure , I have a chair , well I have a full three piece settee as well but there is this one chair in the room that as soon as I feel insecure I am straight in it , everyone knows it is my chair they have got so used to me sitting there now and they all sit somewhere else , good job I don't want to carry the chair around with me can you imagine

I really hope you get these tests done and the support you truly need and deserve

Take Care x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you.

No mri my gp said I didn't need one.

I had an eye test in the summer, all normal. My gp also checked into my eyes in November and he said all normal.

I have agoraphobia right now so bad because of all of this. I couldn't even go for an mri if he offered. Even a gp at my house fills me with intense fear 😢😢 I sound a nightmare I know.

Thank you. I am so afraid right now. I'm speaking to my gp again Monday and I'm terrified he will want to come and see me. I will panic infront of him as all of this has scared me a lot.

Thank you for your kindness.

Julie x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hello Julie

I do understand , I have suffered most of my life with these fears so I know where you are coming from

This Health anxiety the thing where I get frustrated is I have it and I know if I had tests done and they were all clear whatever I was worrying about I would stop because I would trust the Doctors yet I am to afraid to go for the tests which so frustrates me !

If you have had your eyes tested believe me I know someone that had a Brain tumor and the Doctors missed it on examining them it was by them going for an eye test that it was picked up there and then so be reassured if your eyes were fine that is a positive nothing is wrong

I also have agoraphobia even though I am working on it slowly and now and again I have had to go to the hospital , would your Doctor maybe give you some valium just a few as they can help to relax you and get you to these places we sometimes need to go , I do not mean to take them regular but just when needs must

Try and get some rest your body must be exhausted with all this adrenaline it will be using up with the worry x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I've never taken them as they scare me. My gp offered them once before and I refused lol.

I'm just anxious because of how I feel and being scared something is serious wrong and right now I'm worried if it is then 3 months has passed and it could be more serious now hence why I feel worse 😢

My eye test was I'm the summer so I worry that's too long ago now.

I'm sad because last year I could do appointments again and I was fine. Anxious but I could do them without panic. Now I'd panic just at the thought because of how exhausted and off balance i feel.

Xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hello

I have a dreadful meds fear

When I needed to go on Blood pressure tablets it was a right performance

It took them over two years to wean me on them because of my anxiety and even a vitamin freaks me out but I do have an odd valium when I need to go somewhere and believe me they won't harm you but they take the edge of you are feeling at the moment to help

Even though you usually have your eyes tested every 2 years you could get them tested again

I go to spec-savers and because of my agoraphobia they come and test mine at home which is brilliant if you let them know they could arrange it ?

The more you look back at what you was doing the lower you will feel and even more anxious , try and just stay in today , last year has gone but you have this year and even though it may not have stared of as good with the right support it could end up yet been one of the best x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thand you.

Appreciate your kindness.

I will try and have a home test if my gp advises it. It eould be good if they could come to me. I'm just scared I'd freak infront of them and have a panic attack.

Are you ok with health professionals at your house? For some reason since all this I even panic at the thought of them here.

Xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hello

Well no not really but I ask myself which can I cope with best , and because of going out is the worse for me then 2nd best is them coming hear so I suppose for me it is like the best of to evils if you have heard that saying x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Totally. I just feel so panicky when they come here. I got through it before Christmas but my amoiety is worse the longer I've felt this bad. I'm scared what my gp will say Monday x

[allnew2me in reply to Hidden]

Panicking in front of the Dr etc is a good thing in some ways as they can then see what you are facing and can really decide where you need to go from here. They aren't there to judge you but to help you xx

[Hidden in reply to allnew2me]

Thank you. Very true.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Your GP will most likely say that you have anxiety and if it will help will get you some tests done

There is nothing to fear but fear itself was what someone once said to me ....I sat and thought about that and thought erm that makes sense there is some truth in that so you are fearing fear and not what your doctor might say and fear is an emotion that we all feel but will not harm us if we see it for what it is x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Do you think know fear can really cause this? Tonight my legs feel so heavy and weak and as I walk I feel so off balance like the ground is bouncing. It much worse than usual but my hubby said julie you're a lot more anxious today so your legs will be flooded with adrenaline. My thighs feels so weak but heavy. Even shaking as I walk. As I walk I panic I will faint 😢😢

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hello

I can only speak for myself and I do know that over the years anxiety/ fear has mimicked many illnesses for me as well as making me feel physically ill where I have felt I have needed to be in bed so for me I would say yes I do believe it can

The more you are focusing in on how you feel the more you will feel it and the more the symptoms will get worse , I know it is not easy when you can actually feel something to forget it is there but if you can tell yourself that you are shattered so that is one reason you feel this way and you have anxiety which is another reason you feel this way and unless someone tells you otherwise ( which so far they have said that you do not have a brain tumor ) then keep repeating this over again even when you don't believe it keep saying it , after a while you will slowly start to believe it more

Your husband thinks the world of you so also tell yourself that if there was anything wrong he would be the first one to have you in A&E yet he knows you well and he is confident by what you say that it is your anxiety ....try & get a good nights rest x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for your support today it's meant a lot.

I asked my hubby today if he thought I should go to hospital and he said no need to it was just worse as I have a bad nights sleep and my anxiety higher.

Everytime i stand up I hey anxious. I'm scared stiff of walking around. Sitting down I feel fine other than today when I've felt sick. Which isn't like me.

Thanks again xx

[Lawley3]

Hiya I just wanted to let you know I can completely relate to you. I am 36 and have 3 children also and my lightheadedness off balance floor sinking moving feeling started a year and half ago when I was pregnant with my baby daughter. Before this I was healthy. I started to feel faint, heavy body dizzy sinking breathlessness all sorts of symptoms and I spent a lot of the pregnancy in and out of hospital being told it was stress or anxiety or panic. I did feel panicky uneasy faint all the time but I was still given every test under the sun including 2 mri scans and everything came back normal. I still now on a daily basis experience the symptoms exactly how you describe plus a lot of others. I used to be terrified of it and not wanting to stand up or move around the house or go out but I have now learned to live with it as awful as it feels and now I do go out, not far but as long as my husband or mum or someone is with me I don't feel as panicky. You will always feel guilty being a mum I certainly do as a year and half ago I couldn't even go out to take or fetch my children from school. Please get yourself checked out, it will just put your mind at ease that it is nothing serious.

Best wishes

Louise x

[Hidden in reply to Lawley3]

Hi Louise

Thank you.

Was your gp ever concerned?

I'm so afraid. Today I feel that worse I have been very worried about it today and tonight when walking around my thighs are super heavy and weak. As I walk I feel the ground is bobbing. I get terrified and want to run back to my bed 😢😢😢 I'm like this every day but today I feel worse than usual and I've been terrified something is wrong.

Is that how you felt? My hubby said it's adrenaline flooding into your legs causing this but I can't see it being adrenaline making me feel I'm bouncy as I walk. My thighs feel so heavy and weak. I feel scared. I hope today's better than today because I'm not usually this bad.

Thank you for reassuring me.

Julie

[Lawley3]

Hi Julie, Honestly my symptoms are exactly the same, I have not has a day let up in a year and a half but I just manage the symptoms better. I have seen various gp's and specialists etc being told it was anxiety but a year ago I was finally diagnosed by a neurologist with a condition called functional neurological disorder. It is quite common although not many people have heard of it, it can be stress related where your body displays physical symptoms in response to stress but it can also start for no reason. It is not a disease and it can get better basically it's the brain and nervous system not sending and receiving messages properly. Your body loses sense of where it is in space, hence the sinking falling off balance feeling. There isn't really any help with this condition but they do offer cbt etc as they do with anxiety. I am not saying you have this but it is definitely worth getting yourself checked out with your gp just to put your mind at rest. I used to be so uneasy and panicky when going to the doctors or hospital but now i dont let it bother me. If you need to talk anytime about your symptoms I can give you my email address? Feel free to message anytime as I find it helps to talk to others who know exactly how you are feeling. X

[Hidden in reply to Lawley3]

Thank you so much. I'd love to chat. I will inbox you now xxx

[Claireforsyth26]

I have never replied before but your story hit me hard, I just want to give you a big hug, and reasure you its just anxiety, I have had the walkING on a trampoline, spinning head , brain zaps tight band round the head, the list goes on and on , I'm now getting g to grips with anxiety, starting to feel better, I read, at last a life by Paul David I also read Dr Claire Weeks, and Charles Lindon, they are all brilliant, please read , knowledge is power. Good luck. X

[Hidden in reply to Claireforsyth26]

Aww Claire thank you so much for your kindness. I cried reading your reply.

Did you have the ground moving feeling? My legs feel so heavy and weak all day. I feel faint when I walk. I panic all day when I have to walk around. It's awful. My fatigue is crippling me too. I feel dreadful. I've never had anxiety manifest in this way. It all started after the problems with my son having crippling panic attacks and anxiety in school sue to bullying then telling me he was suicidal. That's when all this started. I am hoping stress and anxiety is the cause.

I've read pauls book and Claire weekes. Recently I've read dare. I can't seem to implement them as I'm at afraid this is illness not anxiety at all 😢😢😢 The books helped me get my life back 2 years ago when I was starting with my anxiety disorder. I had intrusive thoughts and agoraphobia. I've never had physical feelings.

Thank you for your kind message xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hey I just read your post and I can relate to you also.. I had the feeling that I was walking on a trampoline and that I also had a brain tumour.. I've been to the doctors a stupid amount of times it's unreal.. They have all told me what I'm feeling is derealisation.. Health anxiety is the worst.. I read the book dare too and like you I was thinking no I'm deffo ill.. I've had so many blood tests it's crazy.. I've now realised that maybe it is anxiety.. And I'm doing much better! I also take magnesium supplements they help with anxiety x