Hello all.

[mollybcm]

I'm new to this site and I am really hoping to get some reassurance. My anxiety has been off and on horrible since I was about 19 im32 now. It seems like it runs my entire life. Obsessed about my own physical health and I have an ocd about my heart rate and my blood pressure. Just a few months ago I was worried that my heart rate was too high when resting. Now I'm obsessed it's too low when I'm. It was in the high 70s 80s and now it's in the low fifties and sixties. The change is the thing that is scaring me the most right now. Everything I have read online tells me that it's not a big deal unless you have a lot of symptoms like dizziness and fainting which I do not have but I still worry a lot about my physical health does anybody else obsess over every heartbeat?

[Agora1]

Hi mollybcm, After 13 years of anxiety having stolen your life, are you angry enough, fed up enough, to make some changes? First of all, stop going on line. You are never going to be able to diagnose yourself by what you read. It will only add fuel to your anxiety. Second of all, see your doctor and get a clean bill of health. It is only as good as you believing in the results. Next, stop taking your pulse with every free moment you have. You can't possibly keep up with how often it changes. We are human. With the help of a therapist using CBT to get the basics of moving forward, you can be on your way. You will have to retrain your mind to push aside the negative thoughts, going forward with positivity. You can use a rubber band around your wrist and snap it everytime negativity comes into play. Just as a positive reinforcement until you get the habit broken. Keep both mind and body busy. Reach out and help someone else with what you have learned in the last 13 years. Giving them positive feed will help you believe that is the way to go. Pretend you are this awesome person with not a care in the world and just as anxiety was a believed behavior, so too will being free of worry.

This can be all turned around. It didn't happen overnight so it will take some practice to get back to normal behavior. Eventually you will think less and less of negative things and literally be able to brush aside any intrusive thoughts that may come about. Even when they do, they will no longer effect you like they use to. It's not a matter of conquering anxiety, it's all about retraining your mind. It can be done and it was done by myself. Wishing you my best.

[mollybcm in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so much for responding. This is the first time I have ever been on any kind of open Forum to speak about my anxiety. I have been seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist on and off for the last 13 years. I am currently just going to a psychiatrist who prescribes me my medication. I am on Zoloft and Klonopin I have been for many years. I have always had a really hard time with my anxiety and I have been in and out of the emergency room hundreds if not maybe a thousand times in my life. I have gone inpatient to a mental facility on my own free will just to try and get it under control when it gets really bad. Back in December on the 28th 2015 my eight year old son was sledding and he hit a tree and died instantly.

I know that that is probably 50% of my new anxiety but it's still hard to rationalize feeling this bad all of the time. It's to the point now where I sometimes have to have my mother come stay with me or I have to go stay with my grandmother just so that I'm not alone because that I think makes it worse also. My husband is an OTR driver so he is gone a lot and I don't get to see my step-children unless he is home and I only have my 3 year old who I split custody with my ex-husband so there's a lot of times where I am alone and I'm so sick of getting scared to be alone at almost 33 years old. Nobody can understand this feeling unless they have had this feeling. It feels hopeless sometimes. My mother and my father both have mental health issues my father is now schizophrenic and my mother is an alcoholic with severe depression and anxiety as well. So I guess you can say I come by it naturally. Just some days I wish I could just take it away to be a better mom and wife.

[Agora1 in reply to mollybcm]

dearest molly, I am so sincerely sorry for the tragic loss of your son. Words don't seem enough. You are certainly going through so many emotions right now that it doesn't surprise me that you feel alone and scared. I'm glad you are seeing a psychiatrist and have been put on medication for a while to help lessen some of the pain. The rest of the pain will have to be worked through with time. It makes no difference how old we are when tragedy strikes it makes us realize how life can change on a dime. In your case, you turned around and your support system is gone. Everything seems so complicated. I would suggest continue seeing a therapist while on medication to help you get some direction in your life. As a doctor once told me, I was like a lost person out in the middle of the ocean, not seeing land. Just bobbing along waiting for help. My wish is that your professional help will see you through this. I will keep you in my thoughts. I care. x

[mollybcm in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so very much.

[Angiecis22]

I remember the first time I got my anxiety I had to check my blood pressure every like 10 minutes. Every slight pain I felt in my chest or weird feeling or dizziness I would grab the blood pressure thingy and check it. Every time my blood pressure was fine but I was like obsessed. My mum has tachycardia so she has the blood pressure thingy for herself whenever she feels ill but I kept stealing it to keep in my room to check coz if I didn't check it would drive me mad. I rem I would lay in bed all night and feel my heart beating as I kept focusing on it. Over time I stopped and I was getting better and better and stopped obsessing over my heart and then my anxiety came back again last week and it's happenin all over again except im not checking my blood pressure but just worrying that something is wrong with my heart again that's why I'm experiencing all these symptoms.

One thing I noticed by that tho is that my heart beats very slow too at night sometimes 50-60 and I don't get any dizziness with that either and my mum says it could either be coz I suffer with low iron but also I maybe just seem to have a low blood pressure which she says isn't actually bad as you're less likely to suffer with a heart condition later on in life and also means you can eat foods and drink stuff that raises your blood pressure more often so she always tells me that to make me feel better. So I wouldn't worry about the low blood pressure unless you start getting dizzy and breathless.