Trapped in a Bad Marriage and Husband Is Out of It

[EnnuiLeTharge]

I've been lurking on this board for a while. I've been married more than 30 years, most times unhappily. Two kids who are now adults, so thank goodness that's no longer an issue. My husband and I are still in the same house (which is in my name) but no longer close. He hasn't worked for about four years, has never been able to communicate about anything important, refuses to see a doctor even though he's over sixty, and to make things worse, I think he has dementia. His mother died three years ago and he and his brother haven't sold the house yet--I don't think they've even put it on the market. I have spoken to a therapist and a lawyer who don't have much advice other than tell me what a bind I'm in. My adult son is the only friend or family member here for me. I am becoming paralyzed with depression and anxiety and don't know how to deal with this issue aside from file for divorce and hope he has the ability to move out.

[litethatnevergoesout]

lurking? Ennuiletharge, interesting name I see what you’re doing there. anyways. weariness and boredom probably aren’t helping your marriage. what makes you think your husband has dementia?

[EnnuiLeTharge in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

He's forgetting things on a regular basis. Misplacing things, which he never did before. Can't do things he used to do.

[EnnuiLeTharge in reply to EnnuiLeTharge]

Btw, I think other people's names in this group are far more clever. The name is a joke from years ago. My sister is Inertia Mope.

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to EnnuiLeTharge]

Only knew you were up to something with your name because one of the languages I know is French. Le tharge is clever cause it looks French but it isn’t it’s a play on words because lethargy is very similar to the French word ennui

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

If your husband is legitimately stricken with dementia there’s no way he can move out. I’ve witnessed dementia up close it’s not nice

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

so you must have him evaluated if you ever loved him. it will only get worse. have him assessed do not guess.

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what type of bind do they say you’re in?

[EnnuiLeTharge]

As in very difficult to divorce him and for him to leave the house. He barely leaves as it is.

[Dolphin14 in reply to EnnuiLeTharge]

EnnuiLeTharge

Welcome

It sounds like your lives together have been strained for quite some time.

We all start to have some memory issues as we get older. People jump right to that diagnosis but he needs a cognitive and medical assessment. What things can't he do like he used to? Maybe he's just not motivated to do them.

It's up to his family to deal with selling or keeping their house.

Does your therapist give you any advice as to how you personally can deal with this, not how to deal with him but just to survive and cope with things the way they are?

I'm sorry for all the questions. Obviously you don't have to answer any here on the forum

I wish you the best

🐬

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to Dolphin14]

don’t be sorry for all the questions, those are excellent questions dolphin14. dementia is cruel, so brutal.

[Dolphin14 in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

Thank you lite. My friends refer to me as the friend with a thousand questions haha

Dementia is cruel but there is a natural aging process as well. Yesterday I put my grocery list for today " in my head" LOL do you think I remember it now?? Nope and sometimes I make a list and forget to bring that. This is a different time in my life where I'm not motivated to do the same things I did years ago.

Could be the spouse is depressed as well. We never know

Anyway, thank you for your support. You know personally I ask a lot of questions

❤️🐬

[EnnuiLeTharge]

I think I'll kill myself if I have to live with him. I think he's still compus mentis and my plan is file papers for uncontested divorce. He may not be able to leave but at least I'll be separate from his finances. He's always had anger issues--not violent but slamming things and being nasty. Of course I'm here because I also have depression and anxiety and this is making me spiral. Meanwhile, I work a f/t job and a side hustle and have my own health issues. I can't get him evaluated because he refuses to go.

[ratoncita]

I’m soooo sorry for your situation but, having been there, you are the only one who can fix this. Mainly for yourself, but also for those who love you and obviously he does not. Do something! Anything!