I was doing so good

[Rufus07]

I was doing so good earlier today, even got in a walk. Now I’m back to my uncontrollable sobbing…feeling lost, hopeless, not knowing what to do to help myself. Why am I like this? Why can’t I be happy for just one day? One whole day? I have all these emotions and I don’t even know why. There are very few things I care about. I get so angry about stupid things. I’m like Jekyll and Hyde. Back and forth, back and forth. No reply’s needed. Just needed to tell someone.

[Coolgreys]

Hi, I’m sorry you are feeling badly. I understand the frustration about the fluctuating emotions, it is confusing. I mostly hide myself away those days so I don’t treat anyone badly or show them that side of me… which I guess I am ashamed of. I think you are doing a very good thing for yourself by sharing it here in this safe space. I intend to release some pent up emotions, thoughts and feelings of otherness here in hopes I can be a better version of me “out there”. I am rooting for you.

[Rufus07 in reply to Coolgreys]

Unfortunately this seems to be my “norm”. This is how everyone knows me so I don’t even try to hide.

[Sugaree]

Me too. I try to find peace in my day and it’s hard sometimes. I feel content and peaceful and a small intrusive thought sneaks in and I get so sad. It zaps my energy and kicks up my pain and I feel disconnected. It felt good to write that. Sometimes it’s the ghosts of Christmas past this time of year. Hugs to you. 🫂

[Rufus07 in reply to Sugaree]

Thank you for the much needed hugs🙂

[SayNOtoPanic]

You are heard Rufus!! 🙏🏻

Glad you got a walk in.

[Rufus07 in reply to SayNOtoPanic]

The sun was out, but I didn’t enjoy the walk because it’s so cold. Thank you for your reply.

[SayNOtoPanic in reply to Rufus07]

I hear ya on that. I don’t care for cold weather. Especially when the sun looks beautiful and you want to enjoy a walk. Hang in there. U got this.

[Rufus07 in reply to SayNOtoPanic]

Thank you🙂

[fauxartist]

your not alone.....

[Rufus07 in reply to fauxartist]

That’s good to know

[RS1974]

I'm sorry things aren't going good for you. Maybe try to journal or do a gratitude list or do a new hobby.

[Rufus07 in reply to RS1974]

Thank you for the suggestions 🙂

[RS1974 in reply to Rufus07]

You're welcome sweetie 🥰

[Dolphin14]

Rufus07

Thinking of you

❤️🐬

[Beavis2022]

Can you guess at what might be causing that? Dealing with people, having negative thoughts, worrying about the future? My mood changes are pretty wild, but nothing so severe as what you describe, not without something pretty bad happening.

[Rufus07 in reply to Beavis2022]

All of the above. But it can just be nothing too. My moods are so up and down at any moment. It doesn’t matter where I am and I hate that. I can cry at the drop of a hat. I’m bipolar 2 on top of the anxiety and depression and I don’t really get the bad highs but my lows are crazy.

[Beavis2022 in reply to Rufus07]

Same as me, but I don't cry very often. I have the same diagnosis as you. I had two really great highs in the past 20 years, but nothing crazy, like shopping too much or gambling, etc. Lasted many months, till bad things happened. Just lots of energy; thought I was beautiful and the greatest! I'm pretty hyper right now, doesn't sound like you're approaching that.

[Rufus07 in reply to Beavis2022]

I pretty much just get the high energy. I don’t get the craziness that can come with bipolar 1. I wish I could feel like I’m beautiful. I am having a hard time getting older. Kind of losing my youthful look. It’s really difficult. I hate how I look. And I feel far from the greatest. I’m sure the depression has a lot to do with it. Hyper…far from it. Feel like tears can flow at anytime 😞.

[Beavis2022 in reply to Rufus07]

It;s taken me many years not to feel so terrible about looking old. Still worry about it, though. I think just about everybody feels a huge loss with this. Society brainwashes us to think we should look like we're 20 forever, especially females. Aging has been going on for millions of years, You'd think we'd all be adjusted to it by now! I cope with it by watching my weight, so I'll look good in clothes. Sorry about your tears, not fair that there are normal people out there.

[Luv-Tex]

Hope things get better. The anxious mind is so powerful it continuously looks to keep us in a state of misery. Having said that . The mind works both ways it can also bring us to a state of joy. It takes time and work. I get it. Everyone here gets it. Your not alone.