I thought I was doing so good. - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

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I thought I was doing so good.

Anp68 profile image

So, my story has gone like this... Husband wants to do therapy because he doesn't know how to help me and it's been making him crazy and unhappy trying. I freaked out at first at this news, feeling very guilty and sad and vulnerable. Then through support on here and recommendations... I started reading some cbt books and working really hard on myself... Also I called my doctor and upped my medicine. I have been feeling good for the most part, and my husband has even noticed a significant change and told me. It's been 3 weeks... We start therapy next week. When I had a moment of weakness, been down for a couple days, and I told him, and when I didn't feel like he was encouraging me enough...I told him that and we fought. He says nothing will ever be good enough and he can't fix me. I don't want him to fix me. I just want support. We did finally get to that conclusion together but it was all the fighting before hand that got to me. I can't help but feel this is all my fault...my depression and my axiety. If I could just be happy or at least not tell him when I'm not... We would be OK. I'm sad, I thought I had been making progress... I feel defeated now.

8 Replies

I personally don’t believe that suffering in silence is the answer. At the same time though, I’m not sure that telling him is the best solution to your problem if it only causes fights. Is there a third person you can lean on for emotional support when you’re depressed? Maybe a relative or an old friend? Not all of the time but enough of the time that it takes pressure off your husband and makes it easier to be a cheerleader for you and your recovery?

Have you ever considered a support group in person? Depending on your schedule NAMI has chapters in most places in the United States that operate them.

You can always come here to share or to find someone to talk to as well. I wish you the best of luck figuring out your situation! 🙂

Just take some time. Don't be down. Everything will be OK.

To me it sounds like you have made progress, look you're going to therapy, right there is great news, this will maybe help your hubby with you. I sure wish you all the best with this. No it's not your fault, it's a disease, no one asks for that, please know this. Love, peace, light, joy & hugs!

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my problem. I appreciate all of your advice... I live in a very small town so I'm not sure how comfortable I would be at a support group... Or if there even is one. I do find solice in the comforting words of people on here... I need to use this more and lean less on my husband. I am getting stronger and learning to rely on myself.

You are trying to be honest in your romantic partnership--would he be happier, if you kept it all locked up, until you reach a new crisis point? Support is just that: support. Not everyone can do it, right off of the bat, perfectly...and like most things in life, it takes practice, maintenance, and more of both. You are putting in all of the work that you can; he needs to step back and understand that nothing has to be fixed overnight...patience, however, must continue on both sides...this is a learning process for you, both. If he is truly in this for the long haul, then reaching an understanding is paramount...you need a corner to recharge in and so does he...it doesn't hurt to take a space-break from each other, as long as the communication stays open. You are still headed to counseling, so "how" you are communicating with each other in those hard spots is something to work on...doesn't mean that you don't love each other, or that either of you is a failure...you love each other and are just trying to make those adjustments with each other, for a haven and a sense of peace. Be as open as you can, with your counseling appointments, and let us know how things go...this is something I wish my parents had been able to engage in, with each other...it works much better with two in the sessions. Blessings, love and know that we have faith in you!

Sometimes steps forward come with feeling knocked down. Keep being open and seeking help. It took me quite awhile to get through depression and anxiety but it is possible. Talking about it helped me a lot. Now I have to admit my husband has a hard time hearing about it because he wants to just take it and make me feel better. I have learned that he just can’t bear or understand depression....I have had to lean moreso on my faith in God to get me through it. I can tell you it has been 10 years since I was last depressed. I still feel emotions very intensely but depression has been conquered. So please hold on to this truth. Praying for you. -Rachel

Anp68 profile image
Anp68 in reply to Rachel2535

Thank you so much for the encouragement. I really need it. I'm at such a place right now that I don't know if my reality is matching up with my thoughts/feelings of reality. Does that make sense?

Rachel2535 profile image
Rachel2535 in reply to Anp68

Oh yes I have been there. Finding someone to help sift through it all was helpful to me. Hold on to hope though and thank you for responding.

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