hi from a newbie with severe anxiety and depression

[Sadsack1968]

hey everyone, Iam a 56 year old male, been married for 30 years and have been staving off suicide for the last 40 years. I have 5 kids, 2 girls 3 boys. My story is so long and complicated it would take a 600 page novel to explain it all. I suffer from severe anxiety and depression. The last month or so I have come so close suicide. First we got an N12 eviction notice because the owners want their son to move in. We have been here for 10 years. We can’t find a place because our credit is bad and we are poor. All the promised resources disappeared when we tried to get them. I took a job doing Uber to save up for a tent to live in tent city and rear ended a guy which will hit me hard with insurance. We have been rejected 38 times for a house to lease. Now I have no car, no job. My wife is on disability and they won’t help. Government housing has a get this 12 year waitlist. Before all this I had a very successful company that was stolen from under us. We had our kids taken away by CAs back in the early 2000’s but got them back because the claims were bogus. I have been having non stop anxiety and depression to the max I mean really really bad since then. My story goes a lot deeper and darker prior to that. I want to off myself as bad as a smoker who can’t find a butt. I have had enough of this torment and torture and here to hopefully get some type of help. I have been threw the pill mill, I mean every pill. Right now I’m taking Paxil and Xanax

[Agora1]

Dear Sadsack1968, reading your story, my heart breaks for you and your family.

I hope that being here on this safe and caring community can give you some support

knowing others are struggling as well and you are not alone.

Welcome to a place you can come 24/7 to help ease your mind. xx

[Sadsack1968 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so much. I’ve had nothing but bad luck all my life. Never caught a break, never been truly happy, never been anxiety free, and now me and my family will be homeless. I knew my life was going down hill since the 1970’s but never to homeless living in a tent. I don’t know what I’m gonna do

[Agora1 in reply to Sadsack1968]

I see you are in Canada. We have others in this community from Canada as well.

Maybe someone can advise you in what may be available to help you and your

family. With hope that you find the resources you need. xx

[Sadsack1968 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so much

[noneveralone]

hi Sadsack1968 ,

I’m glad you reached out here. I understand from your profile that you live in Canada. I live in the UK. The emotional and social circumstances you have mentioned here are some of the issues I have and I am facing. I understand your present situation is almost feeling like a roadblock due to the comprehensive “600 page “ documents in your head. Unpacking those 600 page thoughts may need such small steps to come out of this crisis point.

The problem with mental health issues is all about its complexity and what works for me may not work for you but I feel it’s always important to share my experiences as maybe something might click.

When I went through my crisis (unfortunately I did end up trying oi take my life several times), I understood from my experience that how much I think, I cannot change the past and I can’t predict the future when in crisis but I can manipulate the present and the current. Based on this i found prioritisation was key

1.prioritise safety- Are you safe?tell your family how you feel and be in your safe place. Clear any suicidal triggers-photos/sharps/access to heights/car( just for the moment).

2.prioritise distraction - when the thoughts used to come in my head , I used to distract - moving away physically by standing and walking inside house, shower, cooking, music….. something that can distract from unraveling the “600 pages” thoughts

3.prioritise support(medical including)- have a unconditional/nonjudgemental friend /family/online forum support on hand . I had on friend who called me every day . Some days I used to pick a some day he was updated by my wife. Have a reliable doc/mental health professional to run through your feelings. In regards to pills , always remember to give time for them to work as many meds need around 2-3 weeks to show small improvements . In your case,, have you got government support system for homeless people where they can get you and immediate family to safety and support you with the legal side? Stay away from people who bring in negativity and act as trigger.

Dear friend this journey is not going to be easy but once you get out of the dark moment tiny glimmer of hope may arise and then you can slowly build it up. I wanted to let you know you are not alone and you can always reach out here whether for support or just to pour your heart when and when not in despair. These are just my thoughts and hope something helps.

Please keep posting even if one sentence. People here do look out for you once you start opening up. Take care my friend and hope you get through this day in the best possible way 🙏

[Sadsack1968 in reply to noneveralone]

Hi meveralone, the problem I have is there are constantly catastrophes one after the other. And they don’t stop. I had a very short reprieve, then the N12 eviction came, keep getting rejected , then this car accident that pretty much ended my job, which I need to have kind of chance of finding a new place for me and my kids. I’ve asked everyone in our family to co-sign for a house, and none of them will, or can’t. Sometimes my situations seem almost impossible yet comical at the same time. How I move forward I have no idea. The wheel of misfortune keeps on spinning. How do I get out?. Thank you for writing me and your understanding. Having people to talk to, who understand this disease is a welcoming hug

[noneveralone in reply to Sadsack1968]

Sadsack1968 I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like you are being hammered in all directions with no respite. I truly don’t know what to say apart from wishing you get some break from this situation so that you get time to gather your thoughts and managing your health.

Have you tried to expedite your psych appointments through your GP & MP? Are you able to access any benefits or pay off from the insurance policy to manage your financial situation?

Trusting you see some light at the end of the tunnel soon

[Sadsack1968 in reply to noneveralone]

I do have people watching out for me. Although I have never attempted to take myself out, I have every so close many times.

[Needaholiday101]

Hey fellow newbie here. I'm so sorry your going through this. I'm hoping someone can maybe give some advice here re the housing situation ( I'm from the UK) please know your not alone

[Sadsack1968 in reply to Needaholiday101]

Thank you very much, I hope and pray I find many friendships and support along the way, Iam in Canada and our “free” healthcare sucks so bad. Waitlists to see a psychologist or psychiatrist is absurd.

[Needaholiday101 in reply to Sadsack1968]

You've a new friend here. Ah we have same situation it's free but mental health seems to be very very underfunded. Hopefully we can all find and share some apps and ideas that are free.

[noneveralone in reply to Needaholiday101]

Very true Needaholiday101 . Mainstream general services including GP appointments have ridiculous waiting lists too 😔

[Needaholiday101 in reply to noneveralone]

Absolutely it's very shocking .