Anxiety and Depression going to Wife Too Much for reassurance

[Mango608]

So anxiety and depression are really bad now. In therapy and being treated with medication. Struggling at job and life right now and seek reassurance from my wife constantly. She isn’t goi anywhere but she wants me to stop and so does my therapist. So far I can’t stop. Same things i go to her about are you going to leave me, will everything be okay, what will I do to support our family if I lose my job. Over and over like I am stuck on the thoughts and can’t stop repeating them. I am always feeling guilty of past and worried about future. It’s been going on for thee years on and off mostly on and it’s killing me and my relationship.with my like. Now i have insomnia and sleep has been terrible. On top of all this I have social anxiety that is keeping me for wanting to leave the house. I feel I don’t fit in and am quite where I go. I can’t seem to get small talk with people and jus always feel uncomfortable. I think people think I am weird but the probably don’t even care. I just want to be “normal” and don’t know how to do it. I also have two great kids, trying to enjoy them and be a good dad. Just feel like failing at everything Any advice?

[Mango608]

I have tried without success. I will keep trying. Thank you.

[melist95]

What you described explains exactly how I feel... like no relief at all. Constantly worrying about the future and thinking about the past, never to be at peace in the present moment. I also have social anxiety and feel like I don't fit in, ever, wherever I go. Some things that have helped me: Buspar (medication for anxiety), propranolol (medication for physical anxiety), joining support groups, volunteering locally to meet people and feel connected to people. Joining a local group of people my age that also want to make friends and do things with each other. I know its really hard and feels like it will never end- message me if you want to talk I understand how you feel.

[Mango608 in reply to melist95]

Thank you! I am looking into support groups, appreciate you sharing and my message some day. Taking baby steps now as it’s never been this bad before.

[bonkers65 in reply to Mango608]

Let time pass.

[Kittykat55]

Mango608,

I can relate to you on so many of the issues that you brought up in your post! I will not give advice, because I am not a licensed therapist yet, and I don’t think it’s my place to do so. I will just relate to you with my own experience. I also struggle with depression. I take an SSRI (keeps serotonin in the brain longer). It helps a lot. Honestly, I think that some of my depression is a chemical imbalance. I also think that part of it is trauma from the past. I also feel guilt; I have a hard time saying “I’m sorry. What can I do to make the situation better?” And moving on. When I am in the present moment (it’s difficult, but not impossible), I am the happiest. I try to do little things that I can look forward to. For example, there is a coffee shop down the street from my apartment. I’ll tell myself, “If I can get x hours of studying done, I’ll go get a coffee,”and I look forward to it. That works for me, at least. I understand the need for constant reassurance. We live in a crazy, unpredictable world. It’s difficult to accept that there are many things we can’t control, and it’s especially hard for me as a person with depression. It might sound stupid, but I do try some deep breathing and I tell myself, “I am not in charge”. Whatever your spiritual beliefs are, I respect them. I believe there is a presence that wants the best for us in this universe. As to not sleeping, I would be an insomniac if I did not take sleep medication. Some people have an “issue” with medication, but they don’t know how much I suffer without it, so it’s not for anyone to judge but me (anyway, that is just my opinion).

I have never felt like I “fit in” with a particular “group” of people. It started in middle school (7th grade). I was very shy (I am still sometimes socially awkward around a huge group of people.) I’ve always wondered: is that bad? Or does that mean I’m a unique, creative person who is diverse and doesn’t confirm to group standards. And what is “normal?” I am really not sure. Maybe it’s a construct that we as a society use to label people.

Sorry about the ramblings. I hope this helped, at least a little bit. Happy Holidays to you!

[yhsbirny]

What medication(s) are you on now? Do you think it is helping? Which others have you tried? It is hard to say anything meaningful about your situation without more details.

[Mango608 in reply to yhsbirny]

Zoloft 150 mg. Clonazepam 1 mg at night to try to sleep. therapy and medication management which we have been charging but that’s what I am currently taking

[yhsbirny in reply to Mango608]

If you are not feeling any relief the first thing I would think of would be that that Zoloft and therapy are not working. 150mg Zoloft is pretty close to the max dose of 200mg. Have you ever felt relief from the Zoloft, like it was working at one point but then stopped? If so, maybe try 200mg for a while. If not, then Zoloft is not the right med for you. Zolfot is of the class of AD meds called SSRIs (like Lexpro, Celexa, Prozac, etc.) and SSRIs do not work for some people. There is a DNA mouth swab test from a company called GeneSight (must be ordered and administered by your doctor) which claims to tell you what psychaitric meds will work for you. I took it years ago and discovered SSRIs were not compatible with my metabolism, that SNRIs (like Cymbalta or Pristiq) would be musch better. Sure enough, I switched from Zoloft to Cymbalta and was on it for many years with great success.

As fopr therapy, do YOU feel it is helping? Do you feel like you are "clicking" with the therapist, that you are accomplishing something in therapy? Or do you feel uncomfortable in therapy sessions and that you are not doing anything worthwhile there? I have been with many bad (for me) therapists over the years and I know how easy it is to get caught up in the whole therapy experience and spend weeks or months wasting time because psychologically it is just hard to break off. If you feel good about your therapist and the work you are doing together. stick with it. If not, look for a new therapist immediately and do not waste any more time in a bad situation.

Also, I know benzodiazepines like Klonopin are a very delicate subject (worries about dependence, etc.) and many doctors do not like to give them or will just not give them at all, but your doctor seems willing to use them, so maybe ask about increasing to 2 mg/day, 1mg in the morning to help you thru the day and the other at nite like you're doing (Klonopin is the longest-lasting, longest half-life, of all the benzos). I have been on a very high dose of Ativan (lorazepam) for 12 years and hesitate to think where I would be without it.

Hope some of this helps. Good luck.

[LoveforAll41]

Hola Mango! Hope you are finding some marginal improvement. It has only been a few years that you have really struggled? Did something happen that made money seem scarce? Or security?

I am in the same boat. I have a tough time with emotions and I have a tough time around money. For me it seems that I need it for security. So I get a lot of anxiety around going to work and working on school because I do it with the hopes of getting a degree and getting a better paying job someday. I had a complete meltdown last year and quit my job, was pretty suicidal, and my wife arranged for me to go to an inpatient center. That was really good. Costly, but good. I guess you could try an intensive outpatient thing? Groups are great.

Anyway now we are finally getting to the point of buying a house and the financial stress just grows. I think that I would probably work two jobs that are pretty simple if I lose my current job... I know that someone will probably take us in if I crap out and can't work at all... but I still have a lot of anxiety around those things.

Do you do therapy every week? I have been going weekly, and even when I feel I could go monthly and be okay I have crashed enough times in the past that I know I need to keep it weekly for some time.

My wife is always reassuring me too... hopefully she can help you refocus and realize that there are things more important than money? Sorry, none of this is really helpful. I will look at your profile and see if things come up. I love the books "Get out of your mind and into your life" by Steven Hayes and "Feeling Great" by David Burns. There is also one "You are a Badass" by Jen Sincero that I like a lot. That one isn't therapy based as much as taking an optimistic view of things, it is an easier read/listen. It makes me feel the universe is abundant and there are plenty of resources out there to take care of us.

I would also say that it is fine to feel anxious about work/money. It means that you care about your family. Obviously we want it within healthy bounds, but don't beat yourself up for worrying about these things that are very important. Same with trying to be a good father. I am a big advocate of acceptance therapy and we can accept the anxiety and emotions around these things without feeling overwhelmed by them. It seems you are doing well at everything to me. Working is a big one. It is a huge victory for me every day that I go to work. Sometimes it is a victory just staying alive every day. I hope that you can have some compassion for yourself. Sorry for the long response, I feel that I am in your boat as well. I wish you peace, hope, and strength.