Social anxiety and finding a job

[Miaowmiaowz]

Hi, I'm new here. I am 31 and suffer from anxiety and depression. I thought I would join to see how other people get through their days and keep a job . I have major social anxiety , which means I literally have zero friends, and I can't keep a job because of my anxiousness. I do have a bf of 7 years but he's been getting tired of me not being able to hold a job for the past 3 years and does not understand my huge fear of driving. I don't own a car anymore as of 1 year ago (it broke down) but I did drive in the past, but only because I had to and I would avoid freeways/highways even if it meant it would take an hour to get home. I live in the country now , so I don't live near anywhere I could walk to work and there's no bus service here. I cannot drive his SUV because it's probably one of the biggest SUVs you can own and you know.. I'd probably die driving it from a heart attack with how bad my anxiety is (alil over-exaggerated but you know...). Anyway, I asked him if he could drive me places to find a job and he hasn't yet but complains at me every.single.day and I feel hopeless! I applied to places online and haven't heard back from them and my bf says that's not good enough and that I need to go out and find a job and spend my days more useful. I'm so frustrated and feel like I'm digging back into my depression because I don't know what to do. I feel so worthless and a burden on him.

[ShellW18]

I can relate to changing jobs a lot due to anxiety. I either get let go due to being off sick or resign because i couldn't cope with being isolated all the time. I have gone back I to education and current doing a degree. It sounds like your partner doesn't understand what anxiety does to a person. I would try and sit down and speak to him, explain to you feel like your slipping back into depression and would like his support rather than his criticism. Your doing the best you can and that's enough x

[Miaowmiaowz in reply to ShellW18]

Thank you for your reply. Congrats on going back to school to get your degree! My boyfriend does not understand my anxiety and depression. He just tells me I'm crazy and to just get over it. I have tried talking to him several times but he always finds a way to make me feel crazy and I shut down completely and don't want to talk to him anymore because he just does not understand. Even when I got jobs in the past he tells me it's a crappy job with low pay and I feel embarrassed by having it then I quit. He started his new career after grad school a year ago and he makes a lot of money and is successful and I'm a high school drop out struggling to figure out what I want to do in life at 31 yrs old. I know he loves me but lately I feel like hes getting a big head with his new career and belittling me. I talk to him about jobs I'm interested in and he laughs and says I can't do it because I'm not outgoing enough. I mean who would be motivated to go find a job after someone tells you that?!?! Ugh. I'm making him sound like a monster but he's a great guy in every other area , it's just our financial situation and me trying to find work that we fight about. Anyway, thank you for listening , today is a new day and I feel better for getting it out. I will keep applying online and hope I can find something close by and try to be strong. 💜

[ShellW18 in reply to Miaowmiaowz]

You do what's best for you. If you see a job you think you could see yourself doing, I say go for it! The only way you will ever nw if it's right for you is by doing it. Hopefully if you take that stance and do what's best for you, he will come to appreciate you for trying. Exactly I've had many different jobs and bit the bullet to do something totally different, it's hard to know what you want to do especially when suffering from anxiety and depression! Jisy because hes landed on his feet earlier on in life, doesnt mean you have to. Everyone has there own path in life and theres no time limit on it. Fingers crossed for you I hope it all works out!

[Hidden in reply to Miaowmiaowz]

This is just a suggestion. Apply to wherever you want to, interview with whoever you want to. Don't let him diminish your abilities & second guess your skills. Just tell him nothing about your job search

[CazO46]

I know it's really hard when your partner doesn't understand how depression and anxiety can make you not want to get out of bed each day. Are you getting any help to deal with this?? I'm in therapy at the moment which has helped me understand a bit better where my anxiety thinking comes from but it's hard to change habits of a lifetime. I find listening to meditation talks helpful as they remind me to be kind, non judgemental and compassionate to myself. It's hard but we have to accept we have anxiety and take small daily steps to improve your life when you can.

[Miaowmiaowz in reply to CazO46]

Thank you for your reply. No , I'm not in therapy . I cannot afford it or medication either. I have been working out / exercising which helps some but it takes all my energy just to convince myself to do it and afterwords I'm completely exhausted and just want to sleep. Do you have any suggestions on meditation talks to listen to?

[CazO46 in reply to Miaowmiaowz]

I enjoy a woman called Tara Brach who has both meditation practice and talks on her website for free. I often find a talk that seems relevant to how I'm feeling at the time and get a lot of comfort from that. I hope you can enjoy it too.

[Paula1982]

Hey Mia don't feel discouraged. Anxiety is a real bitch. I am currently at work and have been able to keep this job for the last 4yrs because I have an extremely understanding and compassionate supervisor who knows what this damn illness is and it's ups and downs. I have learned that being honest with those around you is important so that they can understand and hopefully make it a bit easier to deal with everything. Have a real heart to heart with your boyfriend and if he is either incapable or refuses to understand you might have to make some changes that in the long run with help with the anxiety.

[abbycaroline]

i can relate to feeling like a burden. everyday i promise myself that today is going to be the day where i am not someone my friends have to take care of or be bothered by. but of course that doesn't happen