I need your advice

[sad_watermelon]

I had a holiday so I went back to my county to see my parents. The feeling of being home is amazing!

Today I went to my old school to see my teachers and they were so happy to see me, we were talking a lot and it was fabulous !

And then I saw my ex boyfriend… (if you don’t know the story, I will explain it as a comment to this post).

A little update about him: he is now watching my social media from another account (he once told me this is his second account and we follow each other so he knows I know it’s him). I am not sure if he saw me, he probably didn’t, but to be honest, I felt awful. My legs started shaking, my eyes got tears… I was doing so good before. When he stared watching my social media I felt a relive. It’s the moment I knew he cares and he is not heartless so I finally felt myself moving on.

Now I really want to text him. Not because I want to be friends with him or to have a relationship, I just want us to shake hands like grown ups and continue without hard feelings. I don’t have any negative feelings towards him anymore. I am even grateful, because he was my first love and even though he was often toxic, he also was supportive and caring and helped me a lot and thanks to this relationship I now know what I want and what to avoid!

So do you think I should just text him? Do you think I have a point here, or it’s just too many emotions?

[sad_watermelon]

The story:

He was my first love (we met pretty late in our teen ages) but I was his first love too. I am a year older so I graduated and he is still in high school. We were together for almost 2 years.

We decided to split up because our relationship wasn’t working anymore and our future plans weren’t aligning (as I had to move abroad for university, we had to discuss those things before jumping into long distance relationship). We decided to stay friends, because we really completed each other and truly loved each other. We were doing fine as friends until one day (just when I left the county) he blocked me on the only social media we communicate on without explanation.

It’s been 6 months since the breakup and 3 months since he blocked me and aground 3 weeks since he is watching my social media from another account

[Xene]

Maybe you should pause for thought and go back and read all the responses you got from your post “He blocked me” two months ago” again. 🤷‍♀️

[b1b1b1 in reply to Xene]

Very good advice!

[sad_watermelon in reply to Xene]

I did. Thank you for the advice! But I still think this is childish. Back then when I wrote it I was so angry, but today I am not anymore. I don’t want him as a friend, even less for a boyfriend. I just think that it’s childish to see a person who you used to love and just turn your back and not even say hello. We are adults now, this behaviour is… stupid. And if he has such a big ego so he can’t do this step (show he has no hard feelings) (cause he’s the one who’s supposed to do it, as he blocked me), I think I am the one who will show wisdom and do it…

[Alpakka123 in reply to sad_watermelon]

Yes, you would think that adults would know better. I am 43. My abuser is 83.

I still remember the session when my psychiatrist told me to be the bigger person. It's quite ridiculously hilarious, but there you have it.

[Xene in reply to sad_watermelon]

At the end of the day, when all is said and done you will do what feels right for you.👍🤞

[Midori]

It would bring up too many emotions, in my opinion.

Cheers, Midori

[sad_watermelon in reply to Midori]

Maybe you’re right, but it could be 50/50 - a sense of relief or a sense of pain

[Alpakka123]

I understand your emotions very well. I was telling my therapist about a time I ran into my person on the bus. Her response was to say that it's almost like all the bad things she did/hurt she caused/etc disappears. That I go right back under her spell. This was a couple years ago.

I really like Xene's advice because this is what I'm doing with success. When I feel the itch to reach out to my person, I am getting better at evoking all the painful and hurtful things she did, all the lies she told me, etc, etc, etc.

[sad_watermelon in reply to Alpakka123]

But I really don’t think our relationship was that bad. Yes, it wasn’t always healthy, yes, it was most of his fault, but I also had a role in it and did some things wrong. And actually that doesn’t matter, because I really don’t want anything from him and I am not waiting for a response (even though it would be human to respond). All I want is to let this person know that I have no more bad feelings. I did it once with a girl who was talking bad behind my back so after a while I reached out to her and said I have no bad feelings for her and she was really nice to me. I don’t think we should act like kids and pretend we don’t know each other when we cross on the streets. Today I don’t think he saw me, but if tomorrow I run into him I want him to know my intentions. He can do whatever he wants with this information, but he is not hurting me anymore. He can’t win me back either. And I am actually proud of myself for finally reaching this stage

[Alpakka123 in reply to sad_watermelon]

As you should be (proud of yourself)!!!! That is wonderful 👍👍👍 It is of course you're decision. It's not my place to tell you what to do. I am not going to stand in your way. I wouldn't want anyone standing in my way in regards to my situation.