I miss the friendship

[sad_watermelon]

I really miss my friendship with him. I don’t want the relationship, but I do miss the friendship. A person asked me «what will make you feel better? » and in my mind I said « if I could text him like I used to ». So many things remind me of him and I know they will make him smile and I want to share it with him. But he mistreated me. He blocked me. He deleted me from his life. Even if I text him, god knows if he’ll answer. He doesn’t want to text me… But why is it so painful?

[jbjacksoncfc]

it's painful because you're grieving the loss of your friendship with this person. i'm sorry you're going through that. thank you for reaching out here, you are NOT alone! i am here and willing and happy to listen *&* respond to anything you would like to talk about with someone, & offer support, encouragement, help if/whenever i can

[sad_watermelon in reply to jbjacksoncfc]

Thank you so much.

We broke up 5 months ago and he (apparently) ended the friendship a month ago (he blocked me the day I moved to another country for my studies). I am so lonely and I can’t stop thinking about texting him even though he was so mean to me the whole time and I don’t deserve this. But he was so nice with me the last time we saw each other (a day before he blocked me). What change? Why? And why am I crying for someone who doesn’t care about me?

[jbjacksoncfc in reply to sad_watermelon]

that's awful that you're having to go through that. unfortunately, no one but him knows why he chose to cut off contact with you, and you may never be able to find out why. what i can tell you is that people's actions and behaviors are their own choices and their own issues, no matter what, the way he's decided to be is because of HIM and NOT you. it is completely natural for you to feel as you do and to miss & still long for the connection that you had. even when people break out of horribly abusive situations, there's still pain and grief with that ending. it's part of being human. if you feel it might help *you* to process, you might create some sort of "dummy account" for you to use to send texts or things as if you were still communicating with him for a time, so that you can more gradually work yourself away from your attachment to him. then also reaching out to others in your life &/or making new friends and connections to interact with will help you to move forward and alleviate your loneliness. take your time, give yourself plenty of grace, this grief is a process that you CAN work through & get past.

[sad_watermelon in reply to jbjacksoncfc]

The account thing seems nice! I’ve been trying everything to meet new people, but somehow I can’t make friends. It’s been a month and still nothing. I really need a big hug and the loneliness is killing me. I tried clubs, associations, talking to random people…

[EvolutionCoach in reply to sad_watermelon]

Hi there ! I’ve been here, and I’ve been the one doing the blocking. He’s probably as hurt as you are and knows that the only way he can heal is to totally remove himself from the situation. It’s tough being friends with people that you still love especially if you want the relationship. It’s a horrible way to sever a relationship but you should try not to internalize it as rejection although it feels that way.

[jbjacksoncfc]

*virtual hug* sorry that's the best that i can do about that :\ i know how painful and difficult loneliness can be. i wonder if you may be 'trying too hard' forcing yourself to interact in awkward & uncomfortable ways that other people are put off by. do you have any good existing 'starting point' in your life right now? co-workers or others that you're already in proximity with if not actually 'friendly'? and please, if you feel like i'm blaming or interrogating you, TELL ME & i will stop or adjust how i'm communicating, because what i really want & am trying to do is to be HELPFUL for you.

[Alpakka123]

"but why is it so painful?" YES!! A million times YES!! (In other words, I totally get this). You know logically that he mistreated you yet you want him back. I totally get this!I am highly frustrated with myself for the EXACT same dilemma.

[Midori]

It is heartbreaking, but you really must let him go. You can be sure he's not sighing over you and is frolicking in pastures new.

Time for you to show that you can do likewise.

Cheers, Midori