I made this account because I'm hoping to find more ways to channel my feelings and what I'm going through. I'm 18 years old and a freshman nursing student.
I'm having an especially hard time tonight... it's 4 am and I haven't even managed to fall asleep at all. There was a party tonight with all of my high school friends and my ex boyfriend of almost 2 years was there with his new girlfriend. He cheated on me back when we dated, but we've been broken up for over a year and a half now and I know I have to let go.
I tried to push him away when I broke up with him, because I felt that's what I needed to do if I respect myself. But I still love him. I've even had another relationship but I miss him so much, I fear that I am never going to have the same connection with anybody else. It's terrifying.
I've been extremely anxious all night just thinking about the party and not being there with everyone, scared that I'm losing my friends because I don't see them as much as I used to.. but he was with his new girlfriend, and I knew seeing them together would absolutely destroy me.
He messaged me about two weeks ago trying to talk me to into going to the party.. I was really doing kind of alright at that point, but after he started talking to me again I absolutely lost it. He wanted to catch up and apologize for treating me badly over the time we've been broken up. I accepted his apologies but then abruptly decided to block him on everything so that I wouldn't be reminded of him if he decided to post anything to social media.
I'm so tired of feeling so nervous about everything going on without me. I'm so tired of insomnia when all I want to do is go to bed so I don't have to think about this.